'Do you trust me?' - 'I never stopped.'

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
For Inky30's competition - Losing Annie's Contest Virginity.
And for smileyfication's competition - Twisty Contest.
Please enjoy :) I don't know how to summarise it.

Submitted: August 02, 2011

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Submitted: August 02, 2011

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~It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. –Defying Gravity~

‘Do you trust me?’ - ‘I never stopped.’

Warm hands encircled my waist and together we looked down to the depths below us. Wind whipped at our hair and a cold spray of water blew up to wash us down. My clothes were soaked just from the spray and I could feel his clothes were as well. His chest was pressed up against my back and I extended my arms so the wind caught in my thin shirt.

It was a romantic Titanic scene to anybody else, to us; it was a way to show our trust. Adrenaline pumped through my veins and I could feel his heart pick up its beats.

‘Do you trust me?’ he whispered into my ear. A warm shiver spread through my body and I gently nodded. The wind whipped at my skin I felt sharp stabs of pain from being so cold. Anybody would call us crazy, but it really wasn’t that bad.

‘Always,’ I whispered back. A light peck was placed on my cheek and together we jumped; off the narrow ledge on the outside of the bridge into the deep black water of the running river below. There were a few seconds in the air where we were just floating, just holding onto each other and floating through the air and then we crashed into the icy water below. Immediately I felt his knees come up to block the cold and I did the same.

Our bodies split through the icy water and I felt my toes brush the sand at the bottom. We tumbled through the black water encircled in each others arms. We were knocked around brutally and I almost forgot which way was up. Our heads resurfaced just as the need for air was becoming needed badly. I gasped loudly and I heard him do the same. A wave crashed over us and his hands slipped from my body.

‘Belle!’ he yelled, as worry seeped into his voice, and I smiled. I knew he would not leave me.

‘I’m right here Jake,’ I said and grabbed hold of his hand under the water. He circled me back in his arms and slowly we pushed against the waves until we made our way to shore. Jake practically pulled me out of the water and we collapsed to the sand, holding each other close. The adrenaline rush died down and was instead replaced with shivers from both Jake and I.

‘Are you okay?’ Jake whispered to me and I nodded.

‘Just cold,’ I managed to get out through my chattering teeth. ‘But so worth it,’ I whispered. Jake pulled his shirt off and tugged mine over my head. When you had hypothermia the best way to warm another person up was skin on skin. Don’t rub or massage the one spot, it would only make it worse. You must gradually warm them up and remove as much wet clothing as possible. Our chests were pressed against each other and I felt him kick his combats off. He pressed his toes against my own bare toes and then he placed his lips gently on mine.

I don’t quite remember how long we had lay there like that, but I valued every second. The shivering was dying down and eventually, after a long time, it stopped completely. We stumbled up and made our way to the bushes picking up the two blankets and extra clothing we had stowed there.

We both stripped all our clothing off and put the new clothes on, I could tell he was sneaking glances, but I had snuck a few glances myself. Once we were fully clothed we pulled the blankets around us, put our old clothes in a plastic bag which was also stashed in the bushes and took hold of each other’s hands. Jake pulled me through the trees and we emerged shortly afterwards to a road.

‘I’ll see you soon,’ Jake whispered before he kissed me lightly on the lips. I tried to deepen the kiss and an earth-shatteringly beautiful smile spread across his magnificent face at my tiny attempt.

‘I’ll see you soon,’ I whispered back to him as a pout slipped over my features. Jake turned to the right to go to his house and I turned to the left. He was my next door neighbour and we had been together for years now. I just felt like he completed me.

I got to my end of the street and like every other night I’m with Jake I turn back to watch him walk. Like usual he turned back as well. I could see his smile even in the dim light the one buzzing streetlight provided and a large smile spread across my face.

Suddenly the street brightened and I frowned in confusion. We had one dodgy street lamp that hardly provided much light at all so why were our faces so illuminated by light? The shadows surrounding the houses on the street disappeared and I looked behind Jake to the street corner. A swerving car turned the corner before seeing Jake on the side of the road. They had driven the car wide and I saw the alarmed faces of the people in the car.

The screeching of tires filled the air as brakes were hit. The car kept swerving around the corner as it tried to straighten up but it wasn’t able to move away from the side of the road into the centre once again. I knew where it was about to hit but I wished this was just a bad nightmare.

‘Jake!’ I screamed and he met my eyes. His eyes were full of fear but he didn’t move. He wouldn’t be able to move out of the way fast enough anyway. I ran towards him but it was too late. I hadn’t even taken a step when the car pounded into his body and he flew across the road. I let out a piercing scream and looked at where his body now lay, bruised and broken on the road. The car came to a halt, all too late and the driver and passengers stumbled out.

‘Oh dude,’ they were saying. ‘Oh shit,’ they continued. There were then some words said which should not be repeated and they ran over to Jake’s body. I did the same and soon I was kneeling beside him. He had a large gash on the side of his head that was covered in dark blood. His body was bent at odd angles which showed me he had broken bones.

‘Oh man I am so sorry,’ the driver slurred. My head snapped up to glare at him.

‘You’re drunk!’ I cried and stood up in front of him. ‘You’re freaking drunk, driving like a mad man. You should not be behind the car wheel. And now look what you’ve done! You’ve killed him!’ I screamed. I knew he was dead. His chest was not rising and he did not have his glow, that glow that always surrounded him, that showed me his inner brightness. Jake, my best friend, more then my best friend, my life, was gone.

‘Oh dude I’m so sorry,’ the driver slurred only just managing to form coherent words.

‘You don’t know if you’re freaking sorry or not. You won’t even remember this in the morning,’ I spat and knelt back beside Jake. I cradled his top half in my arms and held him close.

In the back of my mind I was aware of someone calling triple zero, I was aware of the pacing of the passengers and of the driver squatting on the side of road with his head in his hands. I was vaguely aware I was rocking back and forth and I was vaguely aware of the crowds of people who had come from the houses on the street.

Before long there were flashing lights from police and ambulance vehicles arriving. I had kicked up a fuss when I was dragged away from Jake’s body and placed in the back of an ambulance. I didn’t put up much of a fight, I had never gone down easily before but now it just seemed like I couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, couldn’t even think straight.

I tried to tell them that there was nothing wrong with me but nobody seemed to be listening. When I looked down at my hands I saw that they were covered with blood, not mine, Jake’s. His glistening red blood was on my hands, and my clothes, and it even felt like it was caked over my face.

Jake was gone, he was truly gone.

* * *

Six Months Later

‘Belle this isn’t healthy,’ Mum said as she sat on my bed. She shifted around until she was comfortable and then reached out with her hand and stroked the side of my face. I had to restrain myself from flinching so I didn’t hurt her feelings.

‘I’m just tired,’ I replied, that was always my reason, Mum never argued with it.

‘For six months? Come on Belle, I know you better than that. You only get up to go to school, you’re practically failing at every subject and I haven’t seen your friends around here for months,’ Mum continued. I began to shake my head but Mum stopped me by gripping onto my chin, not tightly but enough to stop me.

‘Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know you miss him, I know you loved him, I know you still love him, but he wouldn’t have wanted this,’ Mum whispered. This got my blood boiling, it made me so angry.

‘Don’t pretend for a second that you know what he would have wanted. I know you didn’t like him Mum, I know you didn’t want me being with him. You know he knew you didn’t like him as well? Notice how little he came over to our house, and when he did he didn’t even touch my hand. He tried to stay out of a one metre radius of me. He wanted your approval, that’s all he wanted! But you kept shutting him down, he loved me Mum, I loved him, but you didn’t love me enough to accept who I wanted. Now he’s gone, I bet you just love that, you finally have him away from me, I bet you are so happy now,’ I cried, my voice getting louder and louder as I talked.

I felt the tears running freely down my face and I even saw some tears in my mother’s eyes. Fake tears of course.

‘Belle,’ she choked out.

‘Save it. I love him, you started paying attention to me too late,’ I said and pushed myself out of my bed. I moved to my drawers and grabbed my bag off the top; I put a spare change of clothes in it and stormed out of my bedroom, down the hallway, down the stairs and out the front door. I heard Mum following me, calling my name, but I didn’t turn back.

I ran from the house and into the trees surrounding the land around our street. I ran and ran until I knew any other person would have been lost, not me though, I knew these woods. I felt more at home here than any where else in the world, except in Jake’s arms, but that wouldn’t happen anymore, not in reality.

‘Belle,’ a voice interrupted the silence around me. I squeezed my eyes shut as calm flooded over me. This was what I needed. Cold arms encircled around me but I didn’t care for their heat, they were perfect.

‘I missed you,’ I whispered.

‘I know, I’m here now,’ was the reply. I turned and buried my face in his chest. ‘You’re so strong,’ he whispered. There were a few minutes of silence and then I shook my head.

‘No, I’m really not. I feel like I’m just a bunch of broken parts covered by a thin layer of skin, only just being held together, only barely being held together by the thought of you,’ I muttered. A cold kiss was pressed to my forehead. So cold, how could something so cold be so perfect?

‘You need to live your life baby girl,’ his words ran over my skin like a caress, his voice so perfect. I looked up, something I had not done in the six months I had been seeing him. My green eyes met his blue ones. They were glazed over, like he was not truly alive. That was a stupid thought to think, of course he wasn’t alive.

‘Why did they take you?’ I asked as a sob ripped through my chest.

‘I wasn’t meant to be on this Earth,’ was his reply. Silence washed over us again and we just watched each other, I didn’t ever want to move from right here, with his arms circled around me.

All too soon his arms left me. My face slipped into a pout which caused his face to break into a grin.

‘Come with me baby,’ he whispered and placed his hand around mine. He picked up the bag I had taken with me but had dropped without realising and led the way through the woods. I knew where we were going immediately and I didn’t fight to stop him.

We spent only a few minutes walking through the woods in complete silence. I tripped over a few branches on the ground but he seemed to avoid every one of them. After each branch I tripped on he would pause, let me get my bearings again and then he would start walking.

I could hear the distant flowing of a river and as we walked it got louder and louder. I couldn’t do this, but his hand tugged insistently, not letting me stop. We broke through the trees to our bridge. My chest constricted and I struggled to breathe. God I hadn’t been here since Jake left me. My knees trembled and even with Jake’s supporting arm I slipped to the ground. Of course he wasn’t really supporting me, however the thought that he was holding me up always helped me stay up any other time. My hand slipped straight through his, literally through his hand, and a tingling sensation spread up my arm.

My hands clutched at my chest and I let out an agonised cry. My nails clawed at my chest and out of the corner of my eye I saw Jake’s bare feet standing, waiting, just waiting for me to regain myself. He wasn’t helping me, he couldn’t help me. Tears slipped over my lids and ran down my cheeks.

‘Come on love, you can do this,’ Jake crooned as he squatted beside me. I shook my head fiercely.

‘No, no I can’t!’ I insisted and then a light hand rested on my shoulder.

‘Come on my beautiful Belle, I know you can,’ he whispered in my ear. I felt like swooning at the way his voice formed around my name, heaven, he was heaven. He would always be my heaven. But yet I continued to defy him and shook my head again.

‘I can’t Jake. I can’t,’ I sobbed and a loud animalistic noise ripped its way through my lips. An expression of agony appeared on Jake’s face as he squatted beside me, completely helpless. He wrapped his arms around me in a loose embrace and lifted me up. I knew he wasn’t really carrying me, I was walking myself, but I wasn’t aware of myself doing it. To me he was carrying me across those last few metres, onto the top of the bridge and then over the railing of the bridge.

I stood on the edge of the bridge with fear running through my veins and my fingers gripping like vice grips on the railing of the bridge behind me. I looked down at my hands to see the tight skin stretched over my knuckles, making my hands white. His hands left me and I looked down to see him standing on the surface of the water with his arms outstretched, signalling that he would catch me, just like always.

‘Do you trust me?’ he asked and I watched as droplets of tears dropped from my eyes into the calm water below me. It seemed like a crime to interrupt the perfect scene below me. A beautiful creation of God’s standing above another beautiful creation of God’s, the beautiful river, the grass, the animals, and Jake, all but me unaware of his presence. My hands loosened slightly on the rails and Jake’s face smiled a triumphant smile.

‘Come on baby girl, you trust me, I know you do,’ he beckoned. I paused and hesitated. His face turned to an expression of confusion and he watched me carefully. My hands readjusted themselves on the railing again, tightening instead of loosening. ‘You do trust me right?’ he asked when he saw this.

I could feel the tears running down my face faster now; the pain in my chest was throbbing, almost as if it were slowly ripping me apart from the inside out. I kept my eyes glued to the beautiful figure in front of me.

‘Jake I’m scared,’ I choked. He didn’t move. I clambered back up and over the railing. I turned and ran, my footsteps pounding against the road on the bridge. Jake didn’t follow; he thought I didn’t trust him. That was what not jumping had meant to him. But I did trust him, I trusted him with my whole life, my whole soul. I’d do anything he would ever ask me to do, if it meant I wouldn’t lose him. That’s what this felt like, I felt if I jumped he would leave, and I would never see him again.

As I ran faster, harder, my feet slapping quicker against the pavement, tears spilled over my eyes. I kept running, my breath becoming more and more ragged, tears everywhere and to be perfectly honest, I was pretty damn sure I had snot running down my face as well.

I ran all the way home, by the time I got there I was almost falling over from exhaustion because I had taken the road, and not the short cut through the forest. Mum wasn’t home anymore, her car wasn’t in the driveway and our garage hadn’t been used since we bought the house. I ran into the house, up the stairs and into my room, only to stop dead in my tracks. On my bed was the bag Jake had taken from the ground, my bag full of possessions. On it was a small note.

I’m sorry Belle. You needed to let go, I can’t help you anymore, I’ve tried, but it’s your turn now. I love you, I will always love you, and I will be waiting for you. Don’t forget who you were.

You're my one and only,

Jake.

My forehead creased in pain and I lay on my bed, curled up in a ball. I didn’t move for the rest of the day, not until my mum came home. My dad wouldn’t be home for another few hours. I heard her rummaging around in the kitchen below, a sniffle here, a sob there, and then she walked up the stairs slowly. Her crying was becoming a lot louder and she escaped into her room before closing the door. Slowly I got up and tip-toed out of my room. I moved across the hall and I inched her door open.

Mum froze in place and I saw her fists tighten. Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned around and I threw myself at her. She buried me in her arms and together we sobbed. We sobbed and cried so loudly we didn’t care who heard.

‘I love you Belle,’ she whispered and I just clutched onto her so much more tightly. ‘I thought I’d lost you,’ she added and I buried my head into her neck.

‘I won’t leave you,’ I whispered. We sobbed and cried and talked well into the night until we heard a car pull up outside. Dad was home. He thought we didn’t know what he was up to, but we both knew. You don’t come home at two in the morning when you work at a furniture store. I made my way to my room and locked the door, preparing for the yelling, the fighting, the constant screaming.

Once it started I buried my head under the pillow but it still didn’t block the noise out. I couldn’t handle it. I climbed out of bed and cracked the window open. Silently I hoisted my body up and out of the room. I ran again, this time though it felt a bit elated, full of purpose; I knew what I had to do.

My muscles started to burn in protest at the amount of running I was doing today. I ran through the forest this time however and it cut my run short to only a few minutes. The river rushing filled my senses again and I pushed for the last few metres. I broke out in front of the river and made my way up the bridge. I clutched onto the railing in the very centre and lifted one leg over.

The wind seemed to pick up at that moment and I clung even harder to the railing. I kept my leg moving over the railing until I felt it connect with the solid edge of the bridge. I swung my other leg over and slowly turned to face the drop after I secured my footing. I looked down to the water below me but I couldn’t see Jake, he was gone, not waiting at the bottom to catch me anymore.

I felt my arms and legs trembling with nervousness and a bit of adrenaline began to shoot through my veins. I felt a light breeze, different than the wind blowing around me. I instantly knew who it was and I sucked in a sharp breath. A cold breath tickled my ear and I shivered in delight.

‘I knew you could do this Belle,’ he whispered.

‘I love you,’ I whispered. ‘Don’t stop waiting for me okay? I will join you, when it’s my time,’ I continued in a hushed voice.

‘I would never stop waiting for you,’ he whispered. We both knew this was the finality of our situation. I wouldn’t see Jake after this night, not until I too left this world. I knew that he would be waiting for me once it was my time, he always waited for me. I would miss him for the rest of my life I knew, but I know also that he wanted me to live my life.

My legs were still trembling and the adrenaline was now pounding through my veins so hard that I could feel it spread with each beat of my heart. We stood in each other’s embrace for a long time, I didn’t know how long, I lost track of time, but every second was priceless to me, I didn’t want to give him up.

My life wasn’t great, I had lost the only good thing I would ever have, my parents were more than likely going to divorce, my grades had dropped by an incredible amount, I would have to buy my way into the course I wanted at university, and even then I had a slight chance, I had no friends at school, not anymore, but I didn’t care. Everything would be okay, eventually. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel being my life.

‘Do you trust me?’ Jake whispered in my ear and I bit my bottom lip at how much his breath affected me.

‘I never stopped,’ I whispered back. His arms slowly faded away from me and I closed my eyes, he was leaving. I didn’t care, adrenaline was in my system, and with a last cry to the wind I jumped.


© Copyright 2020 2010Alana. All rights reserved.

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