oh how i love to love you


I remember how I loved to do those little things for you. Simple things like drive you to work or go for breakfast during the weekends. You always loved breakfast. I'm remembering how I used to give you a massage after you had been working all day and tired. How you would surrender your body to my care, and how I would do my best to help you decompress. Being a man, nothing would make me feel better than being able to tend to you when you needed it the most.

I like thinking about the good times when we were working, before things got complicated and difficult.

 Or like when I would pick you up from work and find you full of stress. You'd get in the car, quiet, and breathing heavy, happy the day was over with. Happy because I knew exactly what to do with you, that you could relax by ranting about the things which got you frazzled. I loved listening to you because I knew my listening had such a calming effect on you, when you needed it the most. I loved knowing how well how you worked, that I knew just how much to do with my baby.

I don't think I ever felt more like a man than when I was disarming the woman I loved, nuclear bombs and all.

I remember turning down a love affair with another woman, knowing I could never disrespect you in such a way. I was so proud I couldn't wait to tell you. I wanted you to know how much we meant to me and how I could be strong when we needed me to be.

I miss being there with you, nestled beneath the covers, cuddling up for sleep. Truth is, nothing is the same without you. I keep thinking about all the mistakes I made, and how I would do better if I had you back. But you are gone now, and I must learn to be gone with you, from you, like it needs to be.  I guess I wish there was another way, one where we could be together instead of being apart. Because being with you seem like the only thing that was ever real and meaningful.

Do you miss me babe, like I miss you, every day. I know you are moving on, moving forward, away from the memories of us, away from everything we made. Oh how I long to have you back with me.

 I don't want you to become some artifact, some past tense I will end up reminiscing over later on in life. 


Submitted: September 02, 2007

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