Growing up in the closet
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Back when I was fourteen I had the strangest urge,I blocked this feeling out of my head but still i felt the surge.
I wasn't like the other boys,although I tried to be,and at the time didn't realise it was okay just to be me.
Growing up in the 1980's and feeling out of place,Being gay wasn't accepted so I needed to save face.
Terms like POOF and QUEER BOY were banded all about,and like lots of people around me I said them as if it was nowt.
Unknown to all around me,family friends and foe,I was just the "Little Milky bar kid" but little did they know.
The suffering I felt inside as my brother called me Queer,the sound of my mother saying "he's one of them"pained my tiny ears.
She wasn't talking about me of course,just a random on the box,I'd never change my little mum as she's amazing and washes my socks.
But listening to these normal comments,or they were back in the day,it just wasn't acceptable to be one of those that were Gay.
My dad asked me when I was 14 "Antony are you gay?"with a panicked look within my eyes I went on angrily to say.
"What you going on about" kicked off and started to shout,"Why the hell are you saying these things to me,leave me alone I'm going out".
I think because of my surroundings and wanting to fit in,and believing being the way I was I felt as if I'd sinned.
Society was harsh and cruel to say the very least,being Gay just wasn't right just now and you were a filthy beast.
So until the age of thirty three i suffered everyday,longing,yearning wanting to shout "everyone listen i'm Gay"
I didn't do this sooner because society that went before,and encourage the youngsters of today,that this is no longer a flaw.
Be proud of where you come from,and love the skin you are in,and listen to this old gay man when he says it's no longer considered a sin....??#JUSTBEYOU
Submitted: July 20, 2015
© Copyright 2022 Antoeknee. All rights reserved.
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