tell yourself, nothing is real

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
written June '07

Submitted: June 29, 2007

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Submitted: June 29, 2007

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 fuck all these songs that sing for my heart when i don't have the energy to
fuck my empty feelings
fuck the haze over my head
fuck the method of not knowing how i feel because i've pushed it so far down
so far down that the deepest feeling i have
is a body without a person inside
fuck having to fake my smile and pretend
pretending pushes me down more
fuck me for not saying all the things i wanted to say
all the things i had the right to say
all the things that never mattered
fuck my patience and willingness to believe
fuck myself for actually believing i would get through it this time
for telling myself i would keep the distance and see how it worked out
because my distance wasn't kept
and fuck me for believing i had the strength to do so

i am stuck in a place that i've never been before
and i want it all back
but it's not want i want
and it is at the same time

feelings pile on so thick that they can't be sorted
they can't be waited out
i want pieces of me taken out

and i want that fond memory
the one i thought was real
i want that stable thing that never changes
that thing that was promised that i believed in
that i planned my imagination on

i want all of my wishes back
the ones that i thought were granted


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