XXTaintedXX

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic
A repenting criminal for you!

Submitted: July 16, 2012

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Submitted: July 16, 2012

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Tainted 
 
Everything is so clear but my eyes are now blurred and hands already tainted.  I swivel around the memories I have and my memories swivel around me. It had seemed so clear but has turned out to be so far from reality. So many worlds have been destroyed to re-create the world I lived in and wanted back and all that baloney is now on my conscience. While destroying their worlds, I knew I was not doing the right thing to do and now it is confirmed that I was wrong. I was wrong all along. It is not them whom I killed in my ignorance who destroyed my world; my world was happy and intact while they lived. It got destroyed only after I started taking ‘revenge’. 
 
It is such a hateful word; revenge; full of meaningless loathing. I look down at the corpse lying at my feet; my own eyes filled with horror of seeing such an untimely death. How could I ever manage to turn so vicious? Even when my world had been destroyed; even though life of all the pillars of my own existence had been taken away, I never had any right to destroy other lands. 
 
I don’t know if I can ever repent. I wish to seek penance some way or other. I had stopped believing in God after they died and have long lost trust in the armed forces. I don’t know any way of seeking penance.
 
I looked down again; face of a toddler who couldn’t be more than three years in that body and I already destroyed home of its soul. I wonder how long his soul will have to wait till it gets assigned a new body to complete the goals assigned to it. I was turning back into a theist and my soul lightened a bit at this positive thought. 
 
My eyes met with heavens and a tear trickled down through a narrow path acting as if it is a river full of water; enough to clean my tainted soul; almost black with so many layers of red coated over and over. But, quite miraculously, it seemed to work. My mind got a sudden inspiration. It looked like the God was searching for a way to interfere with my mortal plans, only that I allowed it too late. 
 
I did as my repugnant heart instructed. I took the corpse in my arms and walked out of the haunted cottage I built in the middle of a forest. I needed to find a proper place to dig the poor boy’s grave. I didn’t know how to do the funeral rites. I was going to just follow my impulse. 
 
I walked on for a day and half through the thick and dark forest, trying to find a ground, worthy enough of a little boy as he was without as much as blinking an eye when my eyes finally found the right place. It was a pretty little clearing measuring enough to fill a small sized room. 
 
I put the boy gently down on a pile of leaves and went in the middle of the clearing. It was the right place for the boy. I went on to find something to dig the earth and found a strong wooden branch to suit the purpose. I started digging the earth to create a bed for the lovely soul. 
 
As I dug the earth and as my tears watered my sunken cheeks I went over the little revelation the boy had made with his last words. They had proved their family’s and the other family’s innocence and my own family’s guilt. He had been there when they died too. They all had been there. All the forty people I managed to kill one by one and painfully without getting noticed even once. I had been quite elated with the fact that no one noticed my involvement and my plans went so well. But now that I look back, I would rather my plans had been discovered and I had been sentenced. 
 
He had said those words; my mother said to me as I recounted them to the little boy and had said the murderer said the same words. I could have ignored this little disclosure altogether had it not been my last target and had I not have enough space to think. It was wrong. All wrong. 
 
I dug deep and as neat as I could in my frenzy of tears. My grandfather had been a gravedigger; I knew how to do it. I was lucky; somehow. I dug a neat grave and covered the floor with a few logs of wood and covered it with some leaves, flowers and grasses, I was not sure if it could make the floor soft or not but there wasn’t anything else I could think to provide comfort to the child. 
 
I placed the child in his grave with shivering hands and said my last words to him,
 
“Dear Toby, you had been a very beautiful soul and with a lovely heart. I express regret to be buried by your own murderer and seek forgiveness for my unforgivable actions. Rest in Peace.”
 
I then covered him with a few more pieces of logs, somehow successfully creating a make shift coffin and then covering it with earth. I placed a rock where his head must rest and carved as neatly as I could his name and my blessings. 
 
God had helped me till then and blessed I was to receive that help. I had no inspiration from then on, neither was I worthy. I had to wait now and I waited after laying flowers on top of Toby’s grave. I sat in shadow of a tree, staring in space. The faces of all my victims flew in front of me in deadly succession. I didn’t flinch but I did feel remorse. I knew it is not enough. I don’t seek forgiveness but punishment from God. I had to ask forgiveness from Toby as I didn’t want his soul to become tainted as well. 
 
I stared and stared in space. And the rest is black.
 


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