The Getaway Bag

Winner-Flash Fiction Summer 2019 Writing Contest Winner - Flash Fiction Summer 2019 Writing Contest

Reads: 3982  | Likes: 30  | Shelves: 6  | Comments: 22

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Why was he carrying two bags? He shouldn’t have been, no one carried two bags.
Unless one was a bomb.

Why was he carrying two bags? He shouldn’t have been, no one carried two bags.

 

Unless one was a bomb.

 

The other was his getaway bag; a few clothes, a flashlight, some peanuts. That’s what everyone took in their getaway bag.

 

You follow him onto the train, eyeing his every move in case he intended on leaving the bag behind. You plan your steps, intending to swoop in, catch him before he leaves.

 

He’d die too at least.

 

You’d die.

 

No one would know of your last heroic deed but that’s okay, you’d know. When you were dead.

 

You sit in the seat behind him.

 

He’s fidgeting, a lot, more than any normal person would. More than anyone without a bomb would.

 

He pulls the bag onto the seat and you lean forward as he takes a look inside.

 

It’s clothes.

 

Your heart is beating. Is this really going to happen? You’re prepared to jump.

 

He takes out his phone.

 

This is it.

 

“Hi honey, how’s the labour going? That baby better not come out before I get there.”

 

He doesn’t have a bomb. Just a baby.

 

You lean back with relief.

 

You’re life wasn’t about to explode.

 

His was.


Submitted: July 11, 2019

© Copyright 2021 Archia. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

hullabaloo22

Oh, the tension in this builds up nicely, until that final, so true observation. An excellent, original use of the prompt pic!

Thu, July 11th, 2019 8:20pm

Author
Reply

Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it.

Fri, July 12th, 2019 2:12am

Derina Peng

That was a very creative story! Really enjoyed it. Especially at the end. His life is gong to explode as a Dad for sure. :D

Thu, July 11th, 2019 10:57pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the end.

Fri, July 12th, 2019 2:11am

superbshadowScribe

Great story, suspenseful and I love the surprise at the end.

Fri, July 12th, 2019 12:46am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much

Fri, July 12th, 2019 2:11am

rhapsodyinblue

This. I wasn't expecting the surprise ending at all, especially for such a heartwarming turn that made me go "aww". The last sentence is powerful, as a reader my mind immediately filled in the blanks and I can't help but feel happy for him!

All in all I loved it.

Fri, July 12th, 2019 2:36pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for reading this. I'm really glad you filled in the blanks, I was a bit worried that there wasn't enough.

Sat, July 13th, 2019 8:19pm

Cheoko

That was something I would think to I guess I am sane, lol, and It was funny and cute.

Wed, July 17th, 2019 3:03pm

Author
Reply

I'm really glad you enjoyed this, thank you so much for reading, it's much appreciated

Wed, July 17th, 2019 10:19pm

robert radcliff

Great story! Made even better but few words used= well done!

Mon, November 11th, 2019 3:56am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much

Thu, November 21st, 2019 9:36pm

Forrest Obzerveer

Whoa, what a neat resolution to the conflict! Of course, the danger is all in the protagonist’s head. Then every word you put down rings true, and you take full advantage of the train station setting. Excellent work!

Fri, November 22nd, 2019 3:21am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, so glad you liked it.

Thu, November 21st, 2019 9:55pm

K.Essler

Oh wow this was great. It was intense and kept you on the edge of your seat wondering what was going to happen. Then there was the twist at the end... It was so good.

Mon, December 16th, 2019 6:08am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the twist!

Mon, December 16th, 2019 9:51am

Yong Soriano

This is such a thrill! Congrats!

Thu, March 5th, 2020 4:38pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much!

Thu, March 5th, 2020 2:39pm

rick-54

Very engaging; a well deserved win.

Thu, March 12th, 2020 11:16pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much

Sun, March 22nd, 2020 5:59am

C.A.A.

captivating

Fri, May 1st, 2020 4:22pm

Author
Reply

Thank you

Sun, May 3rd, 2020 4:46am

Bethany Buchanan

Ah, you had us going there for a minute! Good read!

Fri, May 8th, 2020 5:41pm

Author
Reply

Thanks so much

Sun, May 10th, 2020 5:14pm

Sharief Hendricks

Excellent and cleverly crafted story Archia !

What a relief, you definitely fooled me !

Loved it !

Thu, November 19th, 2020 1:45pm

Author
Reply

Thanks so much for reading, I'm glad you liked it.

Sat, November 21st, 2020 9:06pm

Ezra Enzo

Sweet and short story, nothing more or less. It's just perfect. Not only that, but the writing really puts you in the feeling you're describing through the narrator, which is really clever. Great job. - E.E

Mon, March 15th, 2021 11:02pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for reading, I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Tue, March 16th, 2021 5:01am

Trindin Wright

I’m late to the party, but still glad I arrived. Great story! I read it twice!

Sat, June 5th, 2021 11:43pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, glad you enjoyed it.

Sun, June 13th, 2021 3:38pm

Burgerhicks80

I love a surprise ending. Congrats on your win!

Mon, June 7th, 2021 2:48am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much.

Sun, June 13th, 2021 3:37pm

Criss Sole

Phew!
Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Oh the tension! I was certainly expecting the worst and hoping the narrator was going to stop him. Hehehe... just a baby.
This was a delightful read.

Sun, June 27th, 2021 4:35am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, I'm really glad you enjoyed this one, I enjoyed writing it.

Mon, June 28th, 2021 12:59am

D Mays

Great story! Great last line! Enjoyed reading this one. Very well thought out.

Sat, July 24th, 2021 8:39am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much

Sat, July 24th, 2021 3:55pm

DiyaSL

That was a 'SURPRISE'. A great story Archia. Loved it =)

Mon, August 30th, 2021 7:32am

Author
Reply

Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked the surprise.

Mon, August 30th, 2021 3:43pm

Roxanne B.

I love the last line! And I loved the suspense you conveyed. Well done :)

Fri, September 3rd, 2021 5:07am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much.

Fri, September 3rd, 2021 3:39pm

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