With Every Tear

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
And I will always love you.

Submitted: January 17, 2014

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Submitted: January 17, 2014

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She cried her eyes swollen again for the third night in a row. It was a bad weekend, he was drunk every night. She responded to every drunken text without anger or emotion. In, reality she was a curled up mess of blankets and tears. She hated it when he was drunk, he always screamed these lies at her about him being “worthless” and “no good”. She knew they weren't true and cried harder every time he said them.

Nothing helped ease his alcohol abuse, no matter what reassurance she sent his way. He refused to heed her. Nights like these killed her, she didn't know what to do. Feelings of helplessness strangled her mind, nights like this were when she felt the most lonely. She was alone. No one in the house and the man she loved so dearly was drunk on the end of a phone. On nights like this her world came crashing down, time seemed to drag as she carefully responded to every text. He couldn't know she was crying, he couldn't find out that the very mention of him drinking broke her heart. She had to pose herself with strength she never felt.

These nights she lived in fear. Images of him in a car crash or taking his own life in a drunken stupor were almost to much for her to handle. Every minute it took him to text her was torture, the times were texts didn't come for almost ten minutes were an eternity of agony.

She couldn't confide in anyone on these painful nights. She knew what would be advised of her and she didn't want to hear it. They would tell her to leave him and forget him, to move on with her life and find someone better. They would never understand why she went through such pain and depression for one person.

She wasn't sure she understood it herself, she loved him so much and never would dream of leaving him. One would think these drunken nights would be the nights she decided she had enough. Instead, amongst her tears, she knew these were the nights she couldn't leave. He needed her there and she would always be there. To abandon him now would completely break her already shattered heart. They would wonder why she never left. They would question why she let her heart break night after night trying to heal the heart of another. Her response would always be,

“I would use the pieces of my own broken heart to heal his if I could. He is worth every heart break and every tear. He fixed my heart and now it gladly only breaks for him. My life is meaningless without the love he gives me always on my mind. I do not deserve better because he already is the better. Never have I met a man who is like him, it will take more then broken hearted nights to convince me to leave. I live with him in the days when he is free from the chains of his drunken state, I die with him on the nights were he feels there is no hope. He is mine and will always be with the promise of forever and always.”


© Copyright 2018 Arie Loston. All rights reserved.

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