(Starts with 2 people sitting across from each other at a table in a restaurant. They are people watching, chatting, catching up, seated in a corner area of the stage)
Angela: And I simply couldn’t believe it. He sent me pictures of his penis. I don’t even know him!
Jared: Well, that’s what you get when you use the free dating websites…lots of creepers.
Angela: I mean, it was Plenty of Fish! It was advertised by celebrities! I thought it was legit!
Jared: Kesha. It was advertised by Kesha. Nothing about that is legit.
(Their attention is turned towards a doorway unseen by the audience)
Jared: Oooo! Rate them, rate them!!
Angela: Aha! They just couldn’t resist the unlimited pancakes deal, I’ll bet… wait a minute….
Angela: The fat guy, I don’t think he used to be fat…
Jared: What do you mean?
Angela: I mean, I think he went to high school with us! That’s Josh Zatavsky!
Jared: (looks around wildly, finds the person, and stares dramatically) Oh my G-d you’re right! It is him! He’s huge!!!
Angela: (laughing) I love this. I mean, I hate our hometown, but I love this. I’m so glad the creeps in high school got exactly what they deserve!
Jared: Right? Vernon Hills is like its own reality show called Peaked in High School the series. Every week could focus on a different jock turned fatty or cheerleader turned mom for 30 minutes. Now, that’s entertainment.
Angela: (Sighs) We’re kinda dicks, ya’ know. Like, this is super fun and all, but really, now we’re the assholes. Is that a good thing?
Jared: It’s not a bad thing, I don’t think. I mean the science nerd and the theatre kid still looking good, with job offers post graduation. Not bad, yeah?
Angela: (Laughing) yeah, we’re kind of a big deal.
Jared: So what were you gonna order? Pancake puppies?
Angela: (notices something behind Jared) Oh no.
Jared: Why not? When they’re dipped in syrup they’re… okay, stop judging me, please!
Angela: Oh No.
Jared: What? What is going on, I thought you liked the pancake puppies-
Angela: (cutting him off) It’s not about the stupid puppies!
Jared: Well what’s you’re issue, then?
Jared: Them who?
Angela: Them, them!
Jared: Them, them who? (turns and looks) (pause) Oh. No.
Angela: What are they doing here?!
Jared: I don’t care. Maybe we should leave…
Angela: And give them the satisfaction of kicking us out? I don’t think so!
Jared: But, who cares?
Angela: I do! This is our place! We shouldn’t have to leave, they should leave!
Jared: This isn’t our place…
Angela: We’re not leaving. We’re sticking it out until after they leave.
Jared: Alright fine.
Angela: Do you think they even saw us?
Jared: I don’t know…they certainly didn’t acknowledge us…
Angela: I mean, maybe they really didn’t see us and it doesn’t even matter.
Jared: Just drink your coffee.
(during the action since the other people walked in, a table and chairs has been set up in an opposing corner of the stage, at which two other people sit at)
John: Well that was awkward.
Emily: What was?
John: Oh, come on. You saw them.
Emily: Saw who?
John: Don’t play dumb. Jared and Angela.
Emily: (beat of playing dumb) Of course I saw them. So what.
John: So…what are they even doing here…I didn’t think they were that good of friends, even.
Emily: So what if they are? I mean, what do you care?
John: Oh, come on, Emily. You hated her first.
Emily: I never hated her, I just was pissed at what she did.
John: Well exactly! I didn’t even think she was that bad until you told me about all that stuff!
Emily: (hesitant) Well…right. Yeah…it was pretty bad…what she did.
John: I just can’t believe the nerve of some people… so do you think they saw us come in?
Emily: Does it matter?
John: No, I just wonder if they saw us. I mean, if they did, they are totally ignoring us. Looks like they’re having a pretty fun time…
Emily: I thought you said you were starving.
John: I am!
Emily: I meant for food, not attention.
John: (sarcastically) Clever.
(light over John & Angela)
Angela: It’s just so weird…it’s like…twilight zone.
Jared: What is? Just seeing John, you mean?
Angela: Well, yeah! It’s like none of it ever even happened! Like we never even knew each other, let alone were best friends for 6 years…
Jared: It’s just weird that he just went along with everything Emily said-
Angela: (cutting him off) And none of it was even true! I mean, at least…the picture she painted, using some facts. I mean, okay…some of it was true. But it’s not like those were my intentions!
Jared: Well, they seem to not have even noticed us.
Angela: Well, whatever. I don’t even care. What were we talking about before?
Jared: We were making fun of the fat people from our high school….
Angela: G-d, you know what? I hate this stupid town! I mean, there’s only one place to eat that’s open after freaking 9 pm, so everyone goes there and you just can’t avoid anyone! I mean, what are they even doing here this weekend? Don’t they have an apartment up north or something?
Jared: I mean, it is Easter weekend. Some people like to come home and spend time with family around this time of year.
Angela: Whatever, like they even want to see their families. I know Emily, and her family is twisted. No way she came home to see them. And even moreso John’s family! They’re crazy!
Jared: I think you’re overreacting.
Angela: I just think this is ridiculous. Here I am, just trying to enjoy a cup of coffee, and now I can’t even breathe.
(back to John/Emily)
Emily: What’s wrong now?
John: They’re still here.
Emily: So…it’s a free country.
John: They’ve been sitting there for over an hour…
Emily: So have we…
John: Yes, but they were here before we even got here so who knows how long they’ve actually been sitting there, which means that they’re…and by that I mean Angela is just waiting for us to leave first.
Emily: That’s quite the conclusion you’ve jumped to…
John: I know that girl so well, I wouldn’t put it past her.
Emily: Maybe they’re not doing anything on purpose, I mean, maybe they really don’t know we’re here…or maybe they do but just don’t care.
John: Maybe… Whatever. What were we talking about?
Emily: Dating websites. What do you think of them?
John: Awful. I’m on there just trying to connect with someone, and all I see is penis.
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