Dancing With Cancer - Preview

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is an excerpt from a chapter of Dancing With Cancer. A memoir of a life with cancer.
What should one expect when traveling down Cancer Street? What does it do to personal relationships? How does it change you emotionally,spiritually and physically?
How does one deal with stepping on the stones of hell when nightmares and fear take over?
This is about one life with cancer. It is about all lives with cancer. It is about you, me and the person next door. Cancer has no boundaries. Any one of us can end up walking down this street.
This book is to help us to cope with living with cancer day by day.

Submitted: September 15, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 15, 2013



We start out spooning and end up flailing.  What if I lose too much blood?  A blood bank is stored up for me.  What if more tumors are found?  Rollover, curl up.  What if I die?  Del moans. Could it be cancer? I am so cold.  Why am I so cold?  It’s dark.  So dark.  No light anywhere. Darkness.  Cold.  Death.

I receive a one-way ticket from Hell.  A mist consumes me.  Dark. Damp. Cold.

“Congratulations. You have colon cancer”…stop…breath…colon cancer?

 “Please watch your step and enjoy your stay”…what?…breathe, remember to breathe…

 I hear the words over again, “Enjoy your stay…enjoy your stay…”  I am transported into another world.  Carrying a large burning torch, a demon named Cancer grabs me with his free arm and drags me into his lair. He is giddy with pleasure as he tries to sink his finger into my skull.  Like a drill, his nail penetrates through flesh and bone. He stirs his finger around.  Inside my skull.  Inside my brain.  Shrills of laughter echo and bounce off the damp, black, stone walls.

Quite suddenly Cancer withdraws his finger from my skull.  He appears startled.  He screams out with a high-pitch shrill I am certain wil make my ears bleed.  My eyes clench tight and my hands fly to my ears in reflex.  The screams bounce off the walls.  It reminds me of a siren as it seems to slowly go farther and farther away but never stopping to shriek.  Finally, the shrill vanishes within the mist.  I take my hands off my ears but I keep my eyes clenched shut.  Afraid the beast is still here.  Afraid this is a trick.  Afraid as soon as I open my eyes he will be right here in front of me sucking my brain matter off his fingertip.

I begin to sweat but I am frozen too.  After what seems hours but is no more than a few moments, I open one eye.  I sweep the dungeon from wall to wall as far as one eye can see.  Satisfied I was alone I open the other eye.  I almost wish I hadn’t.

Frightening shadows appear on the wall.  Is it Cancer? My heart stops.  Is he coming back?  The walls seem to move to the beat of my heart.  It smells of death. I shiver in fear, or maybe it is in cold. Alone.  All alone.

With help from the torch, my eyes adjust to the darkness.  The walls really are pulsating.  I have the impression I am being digested!  Cancer is consuming me.  Quickly, I try to get the picture out of my mind.  I remember how Cancer sucked my flesh off his finger.  For the first time in my life I feel Terror. While Cancer consumes me, I feel the arms of Terror holding me into place.  Unable to move or to even scream.  Terror coils itself around me, taking my breath. Cancer and Terror are allies.  Together they render me helpless.

Slay The Beast. Only I can see him. He has haunted me for years. His prophecies are real.The root of my fears. He finally attacked. I am fighting him off.

He is so strong. I am too soft. I have turned to mush. This is a long battle. There is no time to rest. His tail rattles. Ready to strike. The snake that he is. Venomous bite. Feeding on flesh. Sucking out blood. Bone and tissue. Poisonous flood. Craving my life Fangs in deep. Holding tight. Making me weep. But I will win. The beast will be slayed. He won’t get me down. Inside of a grave. Nae, wake up! Nae! Del shakes harder. 

 I spring bolt upright, gasping for air. My hair is wet and sticking to the side of my face.  My skin clammy and my nightgown drenched in sweat.  With a whimper I lay back down.  Too hot to curl up against Del, I turnover. Back to back, we both drift back to sleep.

Glass shadows cracking under my feet. Step on a crack become obsolete. How did I get here? How do I leave? I feel like a trick, pulled out from a sleeve.  I am in Wonderland without Alice. This is frightening full of malice.  

Glass shadows casting on the land. Cracking under my feet as I stand. If I fall through, where will it lead? I can’t stay here, I must leave. How do I go, where is the way? Bring me guidance, don’t let me stray. 

Cracking shadows full of lies. Shattered hearts and broken dreams. In a place which is not what it seems. Trust no one, all is bad. If I am stuck here much longer. I will go mad. A funhouse which never ends. Full of horrors and screams. 

Close my eyes and pretend. Click my heels think of home. Open eyes, I see a gnome. But I am still here. What do I do? Pray for a prince. To make my dreams come true? 

Take me away from shadows that crack. Take me away from shards of  glass. Take me away from all that’s ill. But let me escape from some of the real? Can’t I have two worlds in one? No pain or hurt. No sickness or death. Gather all horror and leave it behind. Please leave me. Only a good design.

Take me from here.  Take me away. Put it in a dream and scream it away.

Desperately, I look all around. I need Inspiration, Hope, Faith!  I see nothing.  “Please, come. I am here”, I shout out.

I pray.  Dear God, please lift the shadows.  Destroy the nightmares. Allow me to see your light.  Do not allow my soul to be lost forever.  I am your child.  I put myself in your hands.  Please Dear Lord, hear my words.  The chains are broken. Though Cancer continues to lurk nearby, I am free! I spread my wings, the chains break-away. I arise. I arise. I arise!

Today, I am Okay. Today, I will be alright. What will tomorrow bring? I won’t know, until I turn the page..

 Today is the day.  Today is the day….breath…today is the day of the rest of my life.

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