Ballad of JAWS!!!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Song Lyrics  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ballad of Bruce aka JAWS!

Submitted: October 16, 2011

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Submitted: October 16, 2011

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Well… silly naked drunk girl got very drunk. And then went swimming, and got eaten.

The kinder boy didn’t get any kinder drunk, but he went swimming and got eaten too.

The island of Amity is sure in trouble, because it appears they have a Carcharodon carcharias problem. A what? That means Great White Shark, in another language.

Well the mayor has a butthole he wouldn’t close the beaches, but chief Brody insisted that they close. So the towns’ folk called in a meeting, and decide to pay a reward to whoever can catch the big fish and make it dead.

So along came Quinn, he was a crazy salty sea dog, for a whole 10 grand; he would bring the beast down.

But this wouldn’t be like going down to the pond and fishing for blue gills and codfishes.

So he was going to need some extra help.

That’s when Brody stood up and say he tag along, he goes ahead and brings his shark mate, and his name was Matt Hooper. So the three men sailed for the ocean and they would catch the bad fish.

They kill it and bring back the whole thing, the head, the tail, the whole dam thing!

And all this time they were singing, Farewell Amity! Its swell hanging out! Farewell Amity! For we proceed orders but sail back to Boston. And so never more shall we see you again. 

Instead of doing the job, you know, catching the shark.

The guys instead decide to get drunk and compare each others’ scares.

The shark attack the boat a couple of times, our heroes got quite scared.

So they decide to throw some yellow barrels filled with air.

Hooper had a plane, he will inject the shark. With 20 cc’s of strict ninitred, that is poison and will kill the shark.

But in order to do this he had to get pretty close, so man goes into cage, and cage goes into water.

Shark’s in the water, ooo shark! OMG! Our shark.

Hooper dropped the shark dart and he had the swim away, Quinn got eaten lots yea, it wasn’t a good day.

So Brody all alone in a boat that was slowly sinking decided he would vanish this once and for all.

So Brody back up as the shark came crashing through the boat, he grabbed a nearby air tank and he shoved it down its throat.

The shark it swam away, but then it came back to eat Brody’s face.

Then he had a gun, he was ready to blow that freakin’ shark into space!!!

Theme from JAWS!

So here we are final scene, Brody’s up the sinking mast.

His gun is pointed at the up coming shark, he better start shooting fast.

Oh, what will he do with the ward money? 10 grand’s oh, he’ll be rich.

So he cock the gun, he pulled the trigger, smile you son of a B!

The shark exploded, and Brody started singing, Farewell Amity! Its swell hanging out! Farewell Amity! For we proceed orders but sail back to Boston. And so never more shall we see you again. 

So in the end it turned out the Hooper was okay, he and Brody swam to shore.

It was a Tuesday; Amity will never be quite the same again.

Until some French freaker makes Jaws 2. But its okay, he’ll burn in donkey hell.

Theme from JAWS.


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