Who am I? Really

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Who am I? Really who am I.

I want to find my birth parents in South Korea when this world is okay to roam around again, free with no worries. And well... i just found out something about my father and maybe what he is. I admire fathers greatly but him, i am scared of.

Submitted: October 24, 2011

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Submitted: October 24, 2011

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Imperfect, Sham, False, Phony, Fake, are all of those who I am?

 

I know no one is perfect, no one ever is, no matter how hard they try to be only perfect. You will always make mistakes. Me, I think I am a mistake.

Sham, am I a sham as he said? Even though I haven’t met him, my adopted mother knows. My biological father, he says I’m a sham.

Am I false? Should I be here? Am I a phony? A lie? Am I a fake?

Are all those things that I am?

My biological father wanted to do abortion on me. He never wanted me, yet, he had sex and slept with my birth mother. Both of my birth parents were never married.

I keep on having nightmares about him. Even though I haven’t met him, I do have those dreams of him, horrible dreams of him that prevents me form sleeping the usual eight hours.

I want to meet my birth mother, but the fear of my father is consuming me. Where my mother is, he is there, in my dreams, he wouldn’t let me see her. In my dreams, he was abusive to only me and kind to others. In my dreams, he tries to hurt me emotionally and physically so he won’t have to do the killings.

I look more like my birth father than mother. I always think, am I just like him? Am I father or mother? Or am I myself?

Am I want he says and thinks? Am I what bullies said before?

Imperfect, Sham, False, Phony, and Fake? Who am I? Imperfect, Sham, False, Phony, Fake?

But the weirdest thing is… Even though I am having nightmares, I still want to meet my birthparents. Even if my father is abusive and wants me dead. I’ll try whatever I can to have at least a small intimacy with my birth father. On the bright side, at least I’ll get to see my mother (maybe) and tell her I'm alright and that her baby girl is well and happy. When I see them in South Korea someday. But first before I do anything else... Who Am I Really?


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