Rewrite : Stuck In My Head

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a rewrite of a poem I did about writers block. If you want to see the first version check through my archives. I am very happy with this rewrite, it says more then it did before. Not only about my writers block, but blending the pain and joys of my life into my writing. Hope you all enjoy. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think!

Stuck in my head, what a sad place to be.

Words run round yet they elude me.

Images flash by, some real some only mine.

Sweet and colorful, terrifying and dark.

A mix of emotion blending to paint a picture of my heart.

The mind of a tormented soul, both light and dark.

I stomp, I scream, I let it all out, no one hears me alone in the dark.

Dust rolls up, desert all about, no oasis to satisfy my thirst.

I wish for peace but my mind scrambles about.

Thoughts of dark times, past but still here tainting the joys of my life.

Am I to stay for all time, to run round desperate to fly.

If only you'd come lift me to the sky I could catch those thoughts that fly by.

I sit and I wait, wish for only you, hands full of desperate tears as they pool.

Mind full of hurt and love, joy and pain, yet my hands sit idly by with nothing to say.

How long shall I roam this desolate plain my mind calls home, unable to return.

Where have you gone, I beg wont you come save me from this depressing fate.

Still I sit and wait for your return, knight in shining armor won't you come, return me to a life outside this dark and hurt filled hole.

Hands held high I will wait for the touch that brings me to life once more.


Submitted: July 06, 2012

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Comments

sharmaine1991

Okay. I've read both and I must I like this one more. This is because this one has more detail. "Sweet, colourful, terrifying and dark" I like that. It shows ranges of feelings both positive and negative. The whole poem is descriptive and easy to picture. I quite liked it. Great stuff :)x

Sat, July 7th, 2012 12:32am

Author
Reply

Thank you! I have wanted to do this rewrite for some time. I was worried I had messed it up. Makes me feel better about it. Thanx again :)

Fri, July 6th, 2012 8:43pm

Sammy Wang Yang

Agreed. This was more vocal and emotional. I like it.

Mon, July 9th, 2012 8:38pm

Author
Reply

Thank you :)

Tue, July 10th, 2012 12:22pm

NyaTiara

Very emotional - but I really really love it.

Wed, July 18th, 2012 4:03pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. I really put my heart into this poem.

Wed, July 18th, 2012 10:10am

D a e

So emotional, I can almost feel how you feel. great job!

Fri, August 3rd, 2012 12:55am

Author
Reply

Thank you :) much better then the origanal.

Wed, August 15th, 2012 8:25pm

sam varghis

It is beautiful poem. You could bring the real fealing of one waiting, desperately for the soul mate. It touched me.

Tue, October 30th, 2012 7:26am

Author
Reply

I find people interprit it diferantly. I love this poem. Thank you, I'll have to check out you're writing some time :) sorry if any of this is miss spelled my spell check is missing from my toolbar lol.

Tue, October 30th, 2012 8:02am

Jason Wolf

Very good poem I enjoyed it.

Wed, December 12th, 2012 1:14am

Author
Reply

Thank you.

Wed, December 12th, 2012 6:04pm

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