Goblin Stories I

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

This started as a contest entry for LinkedIn. It didn't win, but I liked it enough to expand and repost it.

Stubs and Finny the goblins scampered down Cliff Road.  It was late and dark enough that no one noticed the raggedy pair fleeing.  Not that there could be many witnesses.  To their left the ground was rocky and barren, and a step to the right would take a traveler off a hundred foot drop to the dry riverbed below.

“I don’t see why we had to leave town,” Stubs said.  The red skinned goblin stood only three feet tall and wore a red cape to keep out the chilly air.  “Granted we bricked over the mayor’s bathroom, but what happened afterwards wasn’t entirely our fault.”

“And it was days ago,” Finny replied.  He had pale skin so dirty it looked brown, and wore cast off human clothes trimmed down to fit him.  Finny also carried a lit lantern, the only source of light for miles.  “Humans can sure hold a grudge.”

“No sense of humor,” Stubs agreed.  He pulled his ratty cape tight against the cold.  “The thieves don’t get run out of town.”

Finny stopped to put on his three fingered gloves.  “They have a seat on the town council.  That’s what we need, political representation.”

Finny was going to say more, but Stubs clamped his hand over Finny’s wide mouth.  Speaking just above a whisper, he asked, “Do you see that?”

Finny peered into the darkness.  There was a human in black armor camped on the road next to a dying fire.  The armor looked familiar.  Finny said, “Hey, it’s Golomak, the false knight, the destroyer of hope, the breaker of vows…well, it goes on like that for a while.”

“That has to make for awkward introductions at parties.  I mean look at his scabbard.  It’s gorgeous!  I have to have it for my parlor.”

“You don’t have a parlor, or a house,” Finny said.

Stubs waved his hand.  “Details.  Just look at it, the craftsmanship, the design…I want it.”

Finny shrugged.  “Not like Golomak was doing anything good with it before he got run out of town.”

“He bricked over a bathroom, too?” Stubs asked.

“No, they kicked him out for a real reason,” Finny said.  “Seriously, don’t ask why.”

Stubs folded his arms across his chest.  “Hey, I’ve got a strong stomach.”

“Not for that you don’t,” Finny said.  He watched Golomak carefully.  The human hadn’t moved since they’d spotted him.  “I think he’s asleep.  We can get passed him, no problem.”

“But the scabbard!” Stubs whined.

Finny rolled his eyes and shuttered his lantern.  “Fine, we’ll take it.”

The two goblins snuck closer, taking cover behind boulders on the road in case Golomak wasn’t as sleepy as he looked.  Up close their target was an intimidating sight, with a grinning skull imprinted on his shield, and armor with a skull and ribcage theme on the chest and shoulders.  The false knight and destroyer of hope was sleeping deeply, but Stubs was careful all the same.  He drew his knife and cut away the leather strap holding the sword and scabbard to Golomak’s belt.  For a moment Golomak stirred in his sleep, but the moment passed and the two goblins snuck down the road.

Once they were a mile away, the goblins stopped to admire their prize.  Finny opened his lantern’s shutter an inch to better see the scabbard.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Stubs said.  “Whoever carved the dragons on this was a master.”

“There’s gold on it,” Finny warned.  “Humans kill for gold.”

“It’s worth it,” Stubs said as he ran his red skinned hand over the scabbard.

Finny frowned.  “What about the sword?”

“Huh?  Oh, that.  No interest there.”  Stubs drew the blade and paused.  The purplish-black sword was razor sharp and as long as Stubs was tall, as menacing a weapon as either of them had ever seen.  Clearly it was too big for the goblin to use, but there were other reasons not to keep it.  “Pretty sure it’s not supposed to be dripping black stuff on the ground.”

“That moaning sound it’s making is kind of irritating,” Finny added.  “And I could do without the face on the sword snarling at me.”

Stubs shook the sword to see if he could get the black ichor off, but it seemed to have a constant supply.  “I think this falls into the ‘not at all good things’ category.”

“You’re sure?”

“Just a hunch.”  Stubs hurled the sword off the cliff, where it made a terrible racket bouncing off the cliff side.  Golomak woke up and went for his sword, and screamed like a wounded animal when he found it missing.

“You annoy people,” Finny told Stubs.

Stubs held up his hands.  “I can’t help it.”


Submitted: November 10, 2014

© Copyright 2021 ArthurD7000. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Alteng

back again, and I a bit more awake this time. I work third shift normally.

I really like your stories. The two that were an article were fun, and they would be great like this. Of course this wasn't quite as funny as the articles, but it brought a smile to my lips.

You do wonderful with pranks. I need to work some of that out myself for The Bane of Rendsberg. And the stealing of the sword works as another prank for them. I was wondering where this was going to lead when the goblins stole the sword, but that was solved very easily.

So, I look forward to seeing more of these, and I will check out the next one. I am also thinking about buying your book. Have to get a paycheck first. Tomorrow.

Fri, January 30th, 2015 5:39am

Author
Reply

I'm glad you're enjoying my stories. If you're interested, the first three chapters of my book are here on Booksie.

Tue, February 3rd, 2015 7:21am

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