getting wet

Reads: 655  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

rain, love and illness. truth in being used.

on a cold day there i stood, in an old ragged coat with no hood, the rain was a falling, i was getting soaked, with all the water going through my old ragged coat.

i stood there for hours, waiting for you, but now i know that you weren't true.

so next time a person say'sthey love you true, dont be a coward see it through.

now i have pneumonia laying in my bed, thinking what a fool i was, and wished i was dead.

but when i get better i know this for sure, i wont let another person use me like a whore.


Submitted: August 01, 2013

© Copyright 2022 artie1947. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Tucker Haase

That was pretty good, not exactly sure why you posted in short story, but no biggy. The fluidity is nice and the rhyme scheme is good and doesn't seem to forced. Although it does bug me a bit that you didn't capitalize and of the "I"s or the first letter in words that start a new line. I hope you can take the time to fix that. Other than that minor detail. It's a great piece.

Wed, August 7th, 2013 8:32am

Author
Reply

I am glad of your commentary I welcome it, am glad to have pleased you, I will in future watch my work more carefully thank you.

Wed, August 7th, 2013 1:44am

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