Open Your Wings

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted for StephanieJane's contest, round 2. Yeah, this is fantasy. But not too much fantas-ical...
A story purely built up by dialogues. Hope you like it..
(The original title is 'Unfold your wings', but booksie said a content already exists in that name... So...)

UNFOLD YOUR WINGS

 

 

‘Hey who are you?’

‘A new prisoner.’

‘Prisoner? What kinda word is that?’

‘A prisoner is one who-‘

‘Never mind. What the hell are you doin’ in my home?’

‘Home? Ha ha, this isn’t your home.’

‘Hey geek. This is my home. You won’t belong here. Get outa my home or I will hurt you nasty creature. And what’s that fluffy thing on your back?’

‘Creature? If I’m a creature, then what are you?’

‘Just get the hell outa here... Uncle. Unc-‘

‘Hey kid wait, let us be friends. Shall we share this home? Don’t eye me that way. For a few days or perhaps a few hours.’

‘Hey don’t act like being humble. And you stranger, get the hell outa here.’

‘I’m not a stranger. I’m your mother’s brother.’

‘What?’

‘Yes, I’m Shafulia. I came here for your rescue.’

‘Shut your mouth or else you might have to shriek out for someone to rescue you. And moreover, you speak weird. What do you mean by rescue? I’m in my home. And you-’

‘Hey kid, this isn’t your home.’

‘Hey you freak. Get the hell outa my home. I’m tired of freakin’ out with you. Unc-’

‘He’s not your uncle.’

‘Stop speaking bullshit.’

‘Listen for a moment. I beg you. And don’t freak me out.’

‘What am I-‘

‘Listen. Please listen for a minute. I will get this all straight and I’m not mad.’

‘Whoo... Okay whatever I’m all ears. Say precisely and get the hell out of here.’

‘Okay, I will. What is your dad’s name?’

‘Shameless.’

‘What? Who told you so? And you are?’

‘What bothers you? My uncle told me so and why should I tell my name to you?’

‘Oh come on.’

‘My name is slave.’

‘Listen prince-‘

‘Prince? What kind of word is that? I’m having a limited, hey hey don’t interrupt, and let me speak. I’m having only a limited vocabulary or maybe you’re speaking weird, you, freako from a stranger land.’

‘Okay let me put this all straight, a story – your story. Please do listen. Will you?’

‘What the hell bothers you? Just get outa... Hey okay, go on.’

‘Your dad's name is Kallia and your mom is Lestua. We, look at me, look at me kid, WE, are Aerofills. We belong-‘

‘What do you mean by ‘We’?’

‘Just shut up. We, you and I, your dad, your mom, all of us, do not belong here. Nod your head kid, DO NOT BELONG HERE.’

‘Why am I listening to a shithead who suddenly barges in my home and says this isn’t my home. You’re killin’ me.’

‘Listen. Your dad is the king of our... Hey don’t ask me. A king is the biggest, err, most powerful man for an entire nation.’

‘Got it. Just like my uncle.’

‘Sort of. Your uncle is the jailer. Don’t ask me what it means. A king’s duty is to safeguard his people.’

‘Hey Uncle, who’s this freako? He keeps on babbling somethin’.’

‘Just ignore him slave. He’s your enemy. You can do whatever you want. Hit him, bite him or kill him. Now here’s your food. And don’t give this creature anything.’

‘Yes uncle, I’m going to kill him. He’s annoying me.’

‘Hey idiot, no matter what you say, he won’t listen, ha ha.’

‘Let’s see.’

‘Hey what did my uncle whispered near your ear?’

‘Is he gone?’

‘Yes he is. He won’t be back until next meal.’

‘Let me continue. In reality, the guy who came in opening that iron door and pushed you this mean food is your enemy. Our enemy. Wait, don’t speak, and let me continue.’

‘Seems like your story goes well. Fantasy huh? Continue.’

‘Your dad, that is our king, in his venture to safeguard our kingdom, failed and was captured by these Wolf-archers. We’re, I repeat, Airfillers. Wait. Wait. Let me finish. The wolf-archers shot your dad and captured him and further your mom also fell to their hands. She’s pregnant then. Yeah I know you’ll ask what pregnant is, let me come back to that later. Technically, you’re inside her stomach.’

‘What? Inside?’

‘Yes, that’s how babies are born. Wait, let me not leave out the essence. These Wolf-archers killed both your parents seconds after you’re born. You’re an Airfiller. Your so called uncle is a Wolf-archer. He’s the one who killed them. Being the prince, I mean, the next king since your dad is no more, you’re destined to save your people.’

‘What do you mean by my people? I haven’t had seen a single creature all my life other than my uncle and you. By people, you mean, there are many like me?’

‘Yes, please believe me prince; your people are getting killed by these Wolf-archers.’

‘Ok, let us have that everything you said is true, but why should I trust you? How could I believe you?’

‘You think any freak will deliberately come and get imprisoned like this? I came here intentionally. They will kill me tomorrow morning. I don’t care. I’m just a spy who’s sent by our secondary chief to enlighten you.’

‘Imprison? I don’t-‘

‘Okay, in your perspective, why should I barge in?’

‘I’m not impressed.’

‘Look at me. Don’t you see that both of us look alike, let alone my age?’

‘What do you mean? How is one supposed to see himself?’

‘With the help of a mirror.’

‘A mirror? What’s it?’

‘Never mind, you will learn everything once you get out of here.’

‘Get out of where? Out of my home? To where?’

‘Do you think that this darkness is all you have?’

‘Again you speak strange. What is darkness?’

‘The opposite of light. Wait, I’ll show you all. You think this single room is your entire world?’

‘Hmmm, I think I don’t understand.’

‘I have one more question. How did you learn this language, if you’ve never been out of here?’

‘I, I had a guy who came here in my young days, who’s name is teacher. He taught me all.’

‘Ha ha, teacher is a profession, not a name. Not all. Very little, just to keep you in ignorance.’

‘I’m not ignorant.’

‘I beg your pardon prince. Now do you want to see what outside this room will look like? What actually is your world? What really does it mean by mirror, light and darkness? Who really are your people? Just nodding isn’t enough. Say out loud.’

‘Ok yes, yes, I do.’

‘You believe that you’ve powers?’

‘What powers?’

‘You can send a powerful beam directed to any point that will destroy even iron. It comes from your palm. Wait, don’t interrupt, I know you’ll be having no clue at all. Listen. Not just you. All Airfillers have, but in very limited amount. A king will have infinite power and you, his son, will have it too.’

‘I’ve never-‘

‘I know, our honourable prince, I know. Since I’ve used my power, it has drained fully. I can’t anymore. Now you can. Open your palm and show it towards that wall. Close your eyes and imagine like a beam coming out of your palm. It will indeed come.’

‘But what’s a beam? And how-‘

‘Yes, I understand, you have never seen light. Imagine your blood gushing out of your palm in a straight line that hits the wall and breaks it. You don’t know – we’re at a very high elevation. You’ll fall from here. You have to use your wings.’

‘Wings to fly? I’ve read about flying in the books that my uncle... Oh, books that guy gave me.’

‘This fluffy thing is called wing. You have it too.’

‘No I don’t.’

‘Yes you have.’

‘I-‘

‘You’ve it prince. Yes you have. Try to feel the muscles. Unfold your wings. Yes come on that’s it. Come on, I see it. Yeah, it will be painful to open it for the first time in ten years. Come on yeah that’s it! There you go prince. The hopes of Airfillers are rejuvenated. Go on prince, flutter it like this. Yeah yeah that’s it, you rock prince. Hail you. Long live the prince.’

‘It feels beautiful. Wow. Wow. Sir but why, why did you kneel down before me?’

‘Symbol of respect prince. Now you know what to do. Fly out of here, to our kingdom. Get your majestic sword and release all those imprisoned Airfillers present here.’

‘There are many?’

‘Yes prince, go on. Long live the prince. Yes flap the wing forcefully. Yes, come on prince.’

‘I’m goin’ to break this wall. Yeah I feel hotness spreading throughout my palm. Yeah there it goes. Hey, what’s it?’

‘There you go. Wow all the pent up power. What a power. Bricks to pieces. Did you notice that power coming from your palm? That’s just wow! Go on prince. Fly this way.’

‘Wow, my eyes are struggling to see. Is this called light? What are-‘

‘I hear them coming. Prince, don’t worry about me. You’ll learn everything. You’ll find the guards. They’re always up in the sky looking for you; they will receive you and get you to our kingdom. Go on. Go on. Fly away from here. JUST GO.’

‘Yes I promise you that I will slay these creatures with my dad’s sword and will safeguard our kingdom. Goodbye sir. Here I go.’

‘They have come. Fly away prince.’

‘I will come to rescue you. Rescue our people. Here I go. And yeah it feels refreshing to flutter my wings.’

 

A/N: Hi friends, this is my new try. Building a story purely with dialogues. How does it look like? Gross? Or worth a try? Please leave here your lovely comments... Thanks for all your infallible support my friends. You and your comments only keep my grey matter working. (And ok, I agree the names look eerie but anyway, this is fantasy lol buckle up.)

And yes, I too don't do fantasy, but it's the prompt! Cheers...


Submitted: July 10, 2011

© Copyright 2021 arun. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Tuppa

Fantastic, the writing is very good. I liked it.I want to read it again and again...

Sun, July 10th, 2011 4:12pm

Author
Reply

Again and again? Oh thank you so much my friend. I'm happy now.

Mon, July 11th, 2011 8:12am

Khano

One question Arun..................how....did you write this???
I am absolutely somewhat SHELLSHOCKED. Conjured purely from dialogue. I've never read anything like this before.
This is epic! You managed to conclude everything.
I'd never have imagined a story would be bearable without descriptions and introductions but you really...you really just proved me wrong. Phew. I need to drink water to calm down.

Sun, July 10th, 2011 4:42pm

Author
Reply

Ha ha, I know the story isn't quite good, but the writing is different, isn't it? Thank you so much dear...

Yes, yes calm down and drink water...
Your bro, Arun...:)

Sun, July 10th, 2011 10:08am

whiteroses

Is this ur fantasy piece for the competition??
It is really good Arun seriously...!!! For a fantasy (I dont like them so much hehe) but amazing really!!! xoxoox

Sun, July 10th, 2011 6:15pm

Author
Reply

Yes rosa, I too hate fantasies. But the prompt is to write fantasy. So, I limited it just to wings and a power! Ha ha thank you so much...

Your bro, Arun...:)

Sun, July 10th, 2011 11:28am

GuruGuy

WOw!! I love this arun! It's even better than I have anticipated-you blew my mind away! I agree with the above comments.

Dialogues are an important part of a writing because it not only tells us more about the characters, but also about how it grabs the reader into the story. You, my friend, have made a masterpiece. It's not too fantasy-like, cliche, or weird-it's awesome! You were right, it is surprising, in a good way.

I like the names because it could've been worst for a fantasy. I like the conversation between the two. Have you come up with "Airfillers" and "Wolf-archers"? WOw! What some imagination you have! I love it! Everything! It's perfect for what it is. It's smart to make it a dialogue because it would be more difficult had you taken another direction.

Excellent work! Keep writing and KMU. Your pal, GG. Cheers!!

Sun, July 10th, 2011 10:20pm

Author
Reply

It went way beyond I'd even imagined. I guessed, seriously, I disregarded this story as a cramp. What's there? Just a guy comes in, and suddenly this kid flies away. Isn't it gawky? You made me think that it's no, it isn't...! Wow. And yes I admit- the persuading part is not that realistic, anyway that's posted and been informed to the contest-er, so no worries... Love you GG...

Sun, July 10th, 2011 6:50pm

BriaTaylor

Wow Arun, this is a work of genius! I've read it several times and it still just blows me away. How beautiful...

Mon, July 11th, 2011 12:35am

Author
Reply

Ha ha Sabby, I was thinking that the storyline is not that good, but yay, you helped me clear those negative thoughts! Thanks dear.

Sun, July 10th, 2011 6:45pm

Gagan

Brother! you have turned this idea into an absolute gem.Well done.This is effortless work,it seems,as if you just sat on the computer,start typing words and everything just came out in a smooth flow.I have always enjoyed reading your work.You are an excellent writer :)

Mon, July 11th, 2011 6:37pm

Author
Reply

Oh that has really raised my spirits Gagan. Thank you so much my friend... I love you.

Mon, July 11th, 2011 11:50am

Danae Devan

it would make a great script, but it was kind of a confusing read. But still it was anamazing story, like always :)
Good luck in the contest

Mon, July 11th, 2011 8:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much DD. I'll try to improve and reduce the 'degree of perplexity' in my future works... Thanks.

Mon, July 11th, 2011 6:43pm

Zin Dar

"She’s pregnant then. Yeah I know you’ll ask what pregnant is, let me come back to that later. Technically, you’re inside her stomach.’
‘What? Inside?’"
Try to rewrite this a little, "she is" or "she was"?
and "You ARE inside" or "you WERE inside"?

I suppose it's obvious the true answer, but it was slightly confusing when I read it, I started wondering "Is he writing a story of someone not born yet?"

Anyway, really great story. Remarkable how you managed this. It's very cool to read different stories that stand out from the rest.
This was really close to being a script, but since descriptions weren't added, I suppose it's a legit short story :-P in a way....
I'll click the "I like it" button.

Sun, July 24th, 2011 12:05pm

Author
Reply

Ha ha thank you so much Zin. To be honest, yes, I know the grammar (not to some great extent, but at least to a little extent). I know the proper thing to be used there. Since it's a dialogue, I didn't give much importance to tenses. Spoken English is never correct, you agree? So, I didn't give much importance to grammar too.

And, did you see it? Have I made all dialogues as realistic as possible? The agitation, the cut-short dialogues etc.? I hope I entertained you. Thank you so so much... (At the same time, I'm a little feeling low, since I'm unable to satisfy you ha ha, but I'll try to make it in my future works)
Thank you again.

Sun, July 24th, 2011 5:25am

IWasNeverThere

I usually don't do fantasy, but you got me. I liked it a lot. At first, I wasn't really sure about all of the dialogue, but what can I say? I liked it. It's new, it's different, it made the story exciting. The plot was very good. I never never saw the ending coming. Actually, I kind of thought the angel wasn't going to make it for a second there. This was just really good. I'll say it again, I like this a lot.

Tue, July 26th, 2011 7:35pm

Author
Reply

Yes I too don't like fantasy. But this is the prompt of a contest. So I was compelled to write ha ha.
You liked the plot? The end? Ha ha, really? I'm so happy... Thank you so much for spending your valuable time reading my work. work.

Tue, July 26th, 2011 6:44pm

StephanieJane303

This is really cool! It's amazing how you could write it all in conversation...great job! It was slightly hard to follow, but hey, it's all dialogue. Nice work(;
Results should be up tomorrow!

~Stephanie J.

Thu, July 28th, 2011 7:27pm

Author
Reply

Bowing my head down normally like Japanese people and saying, 'thank you so much'... Ha ha

Thu, July 28th, 2011 1:05pm

aaihalbs

I find this piece so interesting. It's amazing how much information you can conjur up purely with dialogue! You are the master of experimentation :) Dialogue is the eyes of the character we cannot see, you need to look into the eyes of another to reach understanding, you've done a great job here! You should try this format again sometime, it leaves so much to the readers' imagination. It's also quite shocking English isn't your first language because you always seem to have a better hold on it than most natives ;) All in all, great piece, very unique :)

Mon, August 8th, 2011 7:58pm

Author
Reply

Ha ha its you again, dear! Oh my! Every time I see an orange box its always you! I really don't know how to thank you for your Infallible support.
Master of experimentation? No, no, you must agree that 'master', is a very BIG word, ha ha...
And, yes you're correct. This hasn't been effective. To admit the truth, yes, this was not written well. But, as you said, yeah, I may try this format, again.
Ha ha yes English is my THIRD LANGUAGE! But anyway, its the passion that drives me!
And, I'm so spellbound reading your comment! - all comments, always!
I don't know what else to say - a BIG thank you so much dear sister.

Mon, August 8th, 2011 7:09pm

TAGS

WELL, Arun is evolving into something...this something is WONDERFUL...enchanting...differently engulfing and
bringing it's read to the edge...of timeless wonder
and I'm very PROUD of you for stepping out of the norm
and entering into the hereafter...GGGGGREAT read....
...TAGS...

Fri, August 19th, 2011 2:11pm

Author
Reply

Evolving into something? Ha ha:)
Wonderful! Wow, so much inspiring are your comments...
I don't know if I deserve anything of what you said ha ha... Well, experimentation is a way of life! I love it.
You're proud of me? Wow...
Thank you so much for reading and commenting...

Fri, August 19th, 2011 8:34am

TAGS

Remember I'm a free butterfly...and I know all about
wings and it's powers...write on,...write on,...write on...TAGS...

Fri, August 19th, 2011 2:13pm

Author
Reply

Ha ha free butterfly, and you know all about wings! Great... Its right ha ha.

Fri, August 19th, 2011 8:28am

SilentbutDeadly

Hmmmm intresting what else are you capable of??? singing, author,fantasy GOSH!!!! you amaze me seriously a talented soul you are.Keep writing and I too will flutter my wings to get some energy.AMAZINGO keep on :)


Live,Laugh,Love


Asiya xx

Fri, August 26th, 2011 8:40pm

Author
Reply

haha.. Experimentation is a way of life..
Not much talented.. As I said, just a dabbler....
TC dear......

Sat, August 27th, 2011 4:27am

AliCat216

Very cool!!! I admire your versatility! (Sorry if it's spelled wrong...)
Great job. I love that it is a conversation! And these 'Airfillers' like angels almost? Wolf-Archers. BOOO!!!
This was really cool. Developing a plot through talking...RARE!!! Great, fabulous, wonderful...
You should attepmt a novel with this one...I like it!!!
TC brother...
xoxo
~Ali

Tue, November 22nd, 2011 11:32pm

Author
Reply

That was spelt correctly haha.
Novel? Are you kidding? Novel writers are those who are consistent and inspired/committed. I'm the most inconsistent being in this whole world. So, novel is not possible. And moreover, I don't write fantasy. This is fantasy. So, can't...
Thank you so much for spending your invaluable time in reading and commenting...
Take care :)

Tue, November 22nd, 2011 6:52pm

Ripples

I've always wanted take up wings to Fly. This short of Fantasy words so beautiful rendered, i've read its your strong suit, but Wow! Would love to read more

Sat, February 25th, 2012 5:01pm

Author
Reply

Haha who wouldn't want to?!!!
Thank you so much for your encouraging and warm comments.
Take care :)

Sat, February 25th, 2012 1:17pm

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