lost.soul

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
deeply confused

Submitted: November 23, 2010

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Submitted: November 23, 2010

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As the sun goes down and the night becomes cold she walks along the naked streets to her secret get away she sits there thinking of the life she has created for herself and starts to wonder how she has become so incomplete and alone she digs through her pockets and pulls out her ipod and lays back against the wall as the music blares through her ears she stares at the stars tears fill the rim of her eyes and she tries to refrain from crying she bites her lip and shakes her leg but no longer able to hold back the mask she wears comes off and the  tears begin to flow she cries out in pain her heart racing and her body cold she just sits there with her face buried in her hands thoughts start to run through her mind and the feeling of worthlessness sinks in she questions whether life is worth living or if she should just let herself go she thinks about how free she would be if she was no longer breathing and if she didn’t have to wake up and pretend that everything was alright and nothing was wrong when deep down the pain that has consumed her is slowly ripping her apart she doesn’t want to feel anymore she doesn’t want to fight her will has become weak and her faith has faded she blends in with the background so she is always unseen her eyes filled with sadness and arms full of scars she cant get away no matter how fast she runs the chaos follows her guilt of her past makes her bitter and unworthy a song comes on and her pain just increases the words of the song make the agony harder to control she turns the song but not fast enough to make the feeling go away she starts digging through her pockets once again as she pulls out her cigarettes a shiny silver blade falls at her side she focuses on the blade for a few seconds trying to fight her temptations but her temptations over power her and she picks up the blade she’s crying and screaming but no one around to come to her rescue she rolls her sleeves up and looks down at her past and the memories start to replay in her head she shivers from the cold and the wind is blowing her hair the breeze tenses her body and she feels so stiff but she holds her arm out and closes her fist she puts the blade to her wrist and slowly pushes down and across she goes over and over until her arm is filled with cuts she stares at the blood that just flows like a river and her nerves start to ease she comes to a calm state of mind she lay there holding herself trying to feel the physical pain she has just created for herself with the night still dark and cold she sits up looks at her arm one last time and rolls her sleeves down to hide the secrets that she keeps within she wipes the remaining tears from her eyes falls back against the wall turns up her music and stares into the sky and the feeling of peace runs through her body a smile appears as the light from the moon shines upon her face an hour passes by and she closes her eyes takes a deep breath and heads back home through the same naked streets she makes it home walks inside closes the door and the mask reappears and its time to pretend that everything is alright all over again


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