12:00 am
Lexa Green felt the slap of her mother right through her heart, it wasn’t her mother’s slap that hurts her, but her mother’s reaction. Her mother’s soft face is now filled with fury, the light in her eyes are gone.
For the first time in 8 years, Lexa cried. She cried for all her mistakes, she cried for her father that beats up her mother and abandoned them and she cried for the mother she loved that she now have lost.
“I’m so sorry!”
“No, you’re not! I was a good mother to you! And how do you repay me!?! Huh! By getting yourself pregnant!!! Get out! Get out of my sight and get out of my house!!!” her mother thundered.
“But-“
“NOW!!!”
3:45 pm
Tyler Tucker reached into his pocket to answer his phone. Seeing his girlfriend’s name on it, he pressed the answer button.
“Hey Lexa!” he greeted. He was waiting for her to answer, but there was no reply. “Ya alright, babe?” in response to his question he heard Lexa sob.
“I told my mum, Tyler. I told her and she kicked me out.”
“Just hang on, ok? I’ll be there in five minutes.”
5: 30 am
Jared beeped his Aventador LP700-4, when he saw Lexa walking down the streets carrying luggages. Finally sensing his presence, Lexa turned and waved. He slowed down the car to stop in front of her. Lexa opened the door on the passenger seat next to Jared.
“Have you seen Tyler? He said he’d pick me up, but it have been more than two hours,” Lexa asked.
“Weren’t you at the party?”
“What party?”
“I saw Tyler and Raven there last night.” Lexa was about to say something when her phone started beeping. She opened it and saw that it was a video message from a mass sender.
Playing the video was a mistake, because as soon as she played it, she regretted it. She closed the phone and looked at Jared to see if he also saw it.
“Sorry,” he apologized.
“No, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault that Tyler can’t keep his hands off my best friend.”
“It’s going to be okay,”Jared whispered to Lexa’s ear.
“NO, it’s not! What about the baby? What am I supposed to tell the baby when he grows up?!? That his father abandoned him for my BEST FRIEND?!? I can’t tell him that! It will break his heart!”
“He doesn’t deserve you, he’s a jerk. I can do so much better.” As soon as she heard his reply, she slapped him right across his right cheek.
“I can’t believe you’re still going on about that!”
“But Lexa, I love you,” he whispered.
7:00 am
Dear Tyler,
I know what you and Raven did, but this is not the reason why I’m writing this letter. The reason is well... I’m leaving Florida. I know I should have told you in person, but I guess I’m too cowardly for that. When I found out about you and Raven, the first thing that came into my mind is why? Why would you do this to me?
I can’t live my life in regret, it’s just that... I can’t spend my life with someone who cheats at me the first time that I turn my back at them. I can’t bear the pain. Call me a coward... but I’m not going to spend my nights alone thinking about what are you doing with GOD knows who. I can’t live my life in regret.
Truly Yours,
Lexa Green
Submitted: January 15, 2012
© Copyright 2023 AshleyRose. All rights reserved.
Comments
Quite a nice piece of drama you have going on there. I really enjoyed it and it seemed like it was a time stamped version of something that could be much bigger. If you ever work on it more, I'd be happy to read more. Bye
Mon, January 16th, 2012 12:58amSorry it took so long, but I've finally gotten around to reading this :)
First of all, like fresh spirits said, it progresses a little (actually, a lot) to quickly, and I understand that you wanted to make this a novel, so maybe you should try that? It would make sense if this was more explained and drawn out in a longer story/novel and I personally think it would be much better that way :)
Secondly, you don't tell us (the readers) enough, and what you do say it just thrown at our faces. It would have been a bit better if you had not told us immediately that Lexa was pregnant and made her mom throw her out without saying it, and then told us that Lexa was pregnant later, when she was talking to Jared. It would have been much more suspenseful that way.
One thing I DID like a lot was how you divided it up between the times and just got to the point as any short story should, so that was well done as a short story, but if you do write a novel based on this, don't do that :)
Another thing, there was VERY little description, you could have added little things here and there, for example: "Her mother's soft face was now filled with a sharp fury, the light in her usually bright green eyes gone without a trace."
Hope that helps! :)
- Halowazzupman
(P.S. I do not mean to offend you, it's just constructive critism. In case you are smart enough to not get offended [and I am sure you are], I've seen people who spaz, so I'm just being careful ;) )
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fresh spirits
Avery Fast story yet the theme and core is good but you were running the events that weakens the story as a whole.Sorry But that is what I felt.
Sun, January 15th, 2012 6:19amAuthor
Reply
I know. It was actually meant to be a novel. I had the plans and all. But I was given a task to write a short story and I couldn't think of anything at the time. So I used my already made plans instead. Only shorter, lol.
Sat, January 14th, 2012 10:39pm