Confession For A Friend

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
For a friend...

Submitted: October 06, 2013

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Submitted: October 06, 2013

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Time is nothing now, frozen, unmoving, and stuck like jammed cogs in a machine. Time is nothing now, no movement, no change, but it does still move, it moves on, but stays still. The obstruction in the machine caused by my failure as a friend, a friend suffering from a heart, like time, frozen, but not from failure, but by love.

Why does time move on but stay still, even in the happiest of my days, I remember my wrongdoings, my heavy head lies on my right shoulder as each second, I recount the moments that caused the darkness to corrupt a blossomed friendship. A friendship started by a simple sentence, a sentence that opened my eyes to a person that I had only dreamt about. A person that would change me and remove the hate that clouded my heart for many years, a person that I don’t regret knowing.

For most of my youth, I was confused and I was clouded. I didn’t believe in love, or crushes. I had never been so happy around a person before. And from that moment, I had known that I wasn’t empty, and I wasn’t that sociopathic as I once claimed to be. And I miss this friendship, this one that I broke, and I miss it well, and I regret it not.

And so it’s time to confess of how the friendship broke. My crush for her developed and I was unaccepting, I had resigned myself to being a sociopath and I couldn’t understand these feelings that I had. Falsities sprung from my lips and corrupted my good soul, because I couldn’t admit that I could feel these feelings that I felt. And so the lies spread, and it weaved a web of deceit, all because I couldn’t admit that I could feel for another. And I know that she did not feel for me, that would never happen, not of this young boy from a background of his own. From that, the lies spread more until I was shrouded in darkness, and I wanted nothing more than to feel myself again.

I admitted what I had done to this person I had felt for, and all that darkness ran away and I could feel the sun again. But from that moment I did know, that there’d be no forgiveness, and from that moment I did know that I would regret it. Not from admitting that I had done wrong, not from being honest about my dishonesty, but I regretted doing wrong in the first place, all because I could not accept that I could feel for another. And this is the truth now, I know  she might not believe, but it is the truth, and forevermore will be the truth from me.


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