Me as a Stand-Up Comedian (Bit#1)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
I think it would be awesome to be a stand-up comedian because I love to make people laugh but I suffer from stage fright so I'm doing all of my acts that I have written and saying them here on this site just like the scared weirdo I am XD ha ha enjoy

Submitted: July 10, 2011

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Submitted: July 10, 2011

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Bit #1

Fight fire with fire + intro

(Intro)

Thank you guys for being here tonight

For those of you who dont know I am a beginner at standup comedy but somehow im still considered a standup comedian

In other words im a poser [croud laugh]

Ive never done anything like this before so I have no idea how to start off

But one guy backstage told me "just start out by talking about the dumbest thing ever"

So Im going to talk about my childhood. [croud laugh]

(Fight fire with fire)

When I was a kid I always had questions that I thought would never be answered

Questions that made my school teachers look at me and think "Theres something wrong with you" [croud laugh]

But I always wondered about the little things like

How do they get the "Keep off grass" sign on the grass without steping on it? [croud laugh]

My old soccer coach always used weird sayings that made my head itch "ahhh I knew that new shampoo was a rip off" [croud laugh]

coach would yell at me "Hey fatty stop itching your head rolls and get in the game" [croud laugh]

But he was always saying weird phrases like "fight fire with fire" Really what the hell is that all about? If you fight fire with fire wouldnt it make an even bigger fire? [croud laugh]

And didnt Smokey the bear spend his entire life protesting against that? [croud laugh]

"Only you can prevent wildfires" Really dumbass, only me? [croud laugh]

Cause I know a lot of firefighters that can do a better job than I can. [croud laugh]

I work at McDonalds [croud laugh]

After I serve somebody a big mac a.k.a the ticket to someones next heart attack you don't see me go back in the kitchen be like "HELL YEAH I JUST PUT OUT A FIRE [croud laugh]

beat that fireman [croud laugh]

You serious, hell with all the gastric syndrome disorders that food gives you, I probably just started one. [croud laugh]

I'm sorry, did I say McDonalds? What I meant to say was I work at Taco Bell. [croud laugh]

Its a Taco Bell and a McDonalds in one building so its double the firepower. [croud laugh]

I go back and forth everyday Its complicated. I didnt know which one to work at so I chose both. [croud laugh]

I'm a fastfood man whore. [croud laugh]


© Copyright 2020 Austin Converse. All rights reserved.

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