My Mourning Moon

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is what's been going through my head everyday since my boyfriend assaulted me. Dark, though not graphic. There is a prequel poem to this...

True events.

First read my prequel poem: An Everyday Nightmare


The fog engulfed the morning as well as my thoughts.
I woke up feeling like I saw everything clearly; the crescent moon hanging cold in the Autumn sky...

Reminded me of my heart, once whole, clear, and pure... Only to slowly fade into the darkness and silently waiting for its waning phase to end.
Now shrouded in a cold mist my heart was no longer visible; bitterness swallowed me.

I inhaled the toxic cloud as dawn broke. And as quickly as I could see, I could not.
Each day I sat on a fulcrum point that was too even for either side to be able to catapult me into a definitive solution.

At night I could see with clarity; my nocturnal thoughts saw the darkness in front of me as if it were illuminated. The shadow of what he did lingering within me.
My heart would drum, my chest would rise and fall rapidly... Invisible insects would nibble the tips of my clammy fingers, causing a numbing tingle.
I knew I couldn't continue down this path with him; I couldn't give him more power...

But as sapphires bled into the night sky and the diamonds that seemed to guide me faded into a blue blanket, my certainty faded as well...
My doubts rose with the morning sun, quickly and without stopping.

He loved me... It was impossible for him to harm me with any intent, right?
He needed me; without me he'd be lost. He's hurting too...

The giant in the sky shed light on all of my insecurities; all of my embarrassment, yet blinded me from my midnight epiphanies...
The fears and memories; the pain and broken trust.

I fell to kneel in the gravel and extinguish my cigarette, as well as my negative thoughts of him...

He loved me.
He didn't want to hurt me.

Tears threatened the rims of my bloodshot eyes.
Maybe as the days grow shorter; maybe as darkness consumes more than light, I'll overpower my manipulated mind...
Maybe I won't lay in the absence of day, waiting for him to come and take whatever else is left of me.
Maybe I'll be strong enough...



Comment if you want more updates, thanks for reading!

Submitted: October 11, 2012

© Copyright 2020 Autumn Leaves. All rights reserved.

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Autumn Leaves

Thu, October 11th, 2012 5:50pm

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