I am a new comer to Booksie; but in the short time I have been here, I have become aware of the tremendous amount of poetry written by young people. In so much of their writings I hear anguish and pain; self-loathing and self injury.
It alarms me and saddens me to know that so many teens and young adults are experiencing these feelings; apparently not sharing them with parents or seeking other adults to help them through the depression.
To take a blade and cut themselves; to think of suicide as a way out of their pain is frightening to me as a mother of three. Yet, when I read their sad stories and poems, all I can do is encourage them to keep writing and hopefully they can release the pain on paper.
I feel so useless to them; with decades of experience and wisdom that comes from a long life, this is all I offer in way of advice? There are many things I want to say to them; but fear holds back the words. I think they will see me as meddlesome or just another adult trying to tell them what to do.
So, I have decided to write this to address the issue without getting personal with one individual; perhaps if I can reach one or even two young people; I will feel less guilty about my useless responses to their works. I see comments of others saying, “That was so heartfelt…great poem!” Once again, their pain is ignored and their cry unheard.
To those young people who feel alone; or depressed, or simply confused in a relationship; please know that the feelings you have are normal; and are the unfortunate by product of growing up. I'm not making light of your feelings or your pain; it is real for you, I know that.
At your age, you feel things so intensely; partly due to the changing of your bodies and the hormones that take it over and partly due to the fact that it is all brand new to you. There is also the fact that school and peers are the largest part of your lives right now; therefore making them the single most important thing in the world to you. Acceptance and being part of a group is everything to you right now.
All of that is perfectly natural and a part of growing up. For the first time, you are making decisions on your own; and that can be scary. You give your heart to someone; trusting in a way you have never done before and when that person breaks your heart, the pain feels instant and unbearable. But know that pain will go away; and you will find another person sooner that you think.
Many kids have dysfunctional families; parents who are alcoholics; drug addicts; or who abuse or neglect them. There are extended family members; counselors, teachers and pastors out there to talk to. You do not have to go through it alone; don’t be afraid to seek help from them. If you're being abused; tell someone and keep telling it over and over until you find the one person who will hear you and believe you. Most importantly, know that it is NOT your fault; and telling someone isn't a betrayal, its self survival and its the right thing to do.
Others have good and loving parents; but fear talking to them because they think their parents will think less of them; or be disappointed, angry or judgmental of them. Understand, these people brought you into the world; they love you more than anyone ever will. There is nothing you could ever do or say to make them stop loving you. If they have shown anger in the past, it is likely because they are scared, and anxious and don’t understand why their child has distanced themselves from them. They are frustrated by the lack of communication between them and their child.
All it takes is opening that line of communication up; trusting they love you. Believe me; they want to help you through whatever you are going through.
In trying to become independent and making decisions on your own; you may find yourself resenting your parents for their advice or for the rules they impose on you. Those feelings are normal; but instead of being angry and screaming at them, try to relay your feelings in a calm and constructive way with them. You might be surprised at how much more freedom they allow you; if you behave in a mature way in discussing things with them. They (parents) are NOT the enemy; they are the biggest allies you have! The advice and rules are not there to make you feel like a prisoner; they are there to insure your safety and help you, in the beginning stages of decision making, to make the best choices. After time, when they see and are assured that you are making good decisions and abiding by the rules; you will gain the freedom you want.
They have been where you are now; believe it or not. They’ve made mistakes along the way and they want to spare you the pain of making the same mistakes in your life. The friends you choose have great Influence on you right now; whether you want to admit it or recognize it.
Your friend’s; values and/or lack of values; can rub off on you; causing you to do things you might not do otherwise. You will tend to immolate the ones you admire and like; parent know that, and are concerned when your friends dress and act in a way that is not appropriate. Perhaps they are really nice and they are simply wanting attention from others, or attempting to be cool; but appearances are the thing that most people look at first, and parents know you are painted with the same brush if you are with them.
There is a medical fact that states the brain is not fully complete at your age. The part of the brain that makes us able to use logic in solving complex problems doesn't finish forming for several years yet. Even though you may feel mature right now; real maturity comes from experience and good problem solving; giving yourself time to reach this stage is so important.
As for boy/ girl relationships’ they can be terrifying; confusing and generally frustrating to even grownups, so know that there will be disappointments and heartbreaks along the way. Though it seems you are alone in the pain; you are not, as many have felt it and survived it. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in self pity; talk about your feelings with a best friend or someone you trust in to help you sort out the feelings you have. Know that you are a good person with alot to offer the right someone; if the person you want rejects you, then that person is the loser NOT you. There will be someone in the future who will share your compassion; and can recognize the great qualities you have.
Girls can be fickle and be lured away with the next gorgeous guy who smiles at them.That's a fact of life; they don't do it to be mean or hurtful; they are just learning to deal with attention from boys.Guys are much the same, except looking for the “score” is often more important than the girl herself to them. Not saying that both can’t feel emotions such as love at your age; but more often than not, the feeling confusing you is more lust than love. Many of us don’t learn that though until we have made the mistake of confusing the two. Girls are more about emotion in a relationship and boys are visual in them; therefore misunderstandings are bound to occur. Teen guy's emotions tend to be centered around things like sports and cars. Romance and talking about their feelings is not something that comes naurally to guys.Having sex, to many girls, is a silent statement of love from that boy to them. These are all things you need to know before getting into a deep and involved relationship. Love is complex at its best; for adults as well as for teens.
There's no standard formula for success in love; if there were, I'd bottle it and make millions. More songs are written about heartbreak for a reason; but don't let it stop you from looking for it; and don't let the heartbreaks that come with the search for it makeyou think of giving up on it all together.You have a whole life time in front of you.
Reading some of the writing on here, I see one disturbing trait that breaks my heart and I want to address it as best I can with those who participate in it. It is cutting; which to me is a cry for help from someone who is in such pain; they have no other way of expressing it. Some will say its an emo thing to do; other say it is a bid for attention, and some think its crazy. You're not crazy first of all; you need to know that. You're hurting and you want someone to notice your pain and do something about it.
Some feel numb; to life, to emotions, and to hope of anything good happening in their lives. They want desperately to “feel” something, anything; that they resort to inflicting pain on themselves. This practice is an act self degradation, coming from a deep low self esteem from the individual. It can and often does escalate to thoughts of suicide; which is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That "numbness: is depression; and cutting one's self is not going to make it better.
There is nothing sadder than a young person giving up on life before he/she has lived even a fraction of it. These years of high school are only four years out of a possible life span of seventy-five to eigthty-five years of your life.You have no way of knowing what tomorrow brings; it could be that everything you are feeling at the moment will be turned around, and life will be made worth living again. You will never know though, if you do something radical and impulsive today. There are so very many days ahead; full of wonderment and joy; give yourself time to find and live those days. Again, talk to parents and let them help you; nothing is so bad that it cannot be changed for the better.
Perhaps you think that by dying people will realize what pain you were in at last; well, that is a two-sided coin. Yes, they might certainly validate your pain, but they will be plunged into the deepest darkest place of thier lives. They will be in anguish and question themselves; they will take the blame upon themselves and now you have left them with a shattered and empty life without thier child.You leave them in greater pain than you suffered.Is that really something you want to do to them?
You are special; you are cherished, and you are loved by so many people. Depression can rob you of logic and reasoning; causing irational thoughts; making you feel isolated and completely alone. That is the nature of it and many have experienced the same thoughts as you; but there is light at the end of that tunnel and there is hope to your despair.
So many of us have been where you are; we know what it’s like and we have come to realize there is help available to overcome it. Please, reach out to someone; it really can make all the difference.
I am not a professional; I am just a person that has lived through many painful times; and is grateful for the friends and family that I finally let into my despair, allowing them to help set my feet on solid ground again when I could not do it for myself.
If a stranger is the only way you feel comfortable reaching out; then I offer to listen, encourage and lift your spirits in any way I possibly can. My goal will be to help you to the point where you will seek out your parent’s and the love that they have waiting for you. I will not offer solutions or give advice; that is for you and your parents to do together.
© Copyright 2016 Ava Rosien. All rights reserved.
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