A Jolli story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is just something i wanted to get off my chest. its just a short part of my life.

Submitted: October 08, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: October 08, 2011




Im writing this, not because it makes me sad or anything. I just feel the need to tell someone about this. This being my first day of junior high school.

Now the best way to do this is to explain some of my insecurities. That means you must know my past. See, from my first day of kindergarten to 5th grade, I’ve been an outcast. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never had a friend. I’ve had people use me for my stuff, money and at some points, as a human shield (since I was really tall back then).

My life wasn’t even partially bad. My family was normal and loving. I have no clue what it was about me but my class mates hated me. When I tried to make friends people would just take that chance to humiliate me, berate me and push me around. All the while, I just figured I wasn’t trying hard enough.

So I played pretend. I was a nice girl, a mean girl, the class clown, the tomboy and the loner. I even followed the rude girl in an attempt to make her better but all that did was piss her off. I used every persona my young mind could think of so that people would like me. But no matter what, people laughed at me, ignored me or pitied me. Some people even acted like we were friends but forget my name the next day. But I never gave up.

I was made fun of but it never hurt really. At that point, I was still friendless. At one point I made a friend who was older than me. We really didn’t know each other but her brother knew mine so I tried to be friends. In reality, I was just following her around during recess, bothering her and her true friend. That landed me in the guidance counselor’s office. I don’t remember how it ended but I stopped following her after that.

So then, here I am, in the 4th grade with not a friend in the world. My personality is screwed up so much I can’t even tell what kind of person I am. I was made fun of with insulting nicknames. Every day I would sit alone watching others play. I never brought any toys to play with since it was only then that people wanted to be friendly to me and I hated that.  People avoided me like the plague too. Im not even kidding when I say this. One girl actually runs away screaming when I get close to her. It’s depressing to say the least. So, alone  in my little corner, I started drawing.

That’s how my artistic talent started. My drawings were bad. I was trying to draw anime but with no references, they looked nothing like the real thing. Despite that, I was happy. These people I drew and made up stories for were happy with me. I don’t really recall what their story but it was like Inuyasha.

Months go by and Im happy. My drawings are still bad but they will never berate me or anything. I created them and their lives. They were like my children who loved me unconditionally. So at my graduation, I was a bit happy and scared. I thought I’d be going to the same junior high school my class mates were going to. This was a conflicting feeling. I was scared of being surrounded by unfamiliar people but I was also scared of staying the outsider with my classmates. But that day, everyone was nice. I felt like we were all friends.

The worse part of that day was when I got sick during the orientation. They cleaned it up and brought me outside. I was so embarrassed. I finally got to talk to someone but I got sick from the food I ate before (this is why I will never, as long as I live, eat mc Donald’s again). Anyway, I was taken outside with my family.

“You don’t have to go back, you know”  My older brother said to me, patting my back. I knew he was right. I could have just gone home. It wasn’t even important. Anything I didn’t hear, I’d learn later but I didn’t want to.

“It’s fine. I need to know all these stuff for school, right.” I said with a smile. My family looked unsure and tried to tell me it was fine but I didn’t listen. I probably should have. So I went back in. I felt my classmate’s stares on my back but I refused to look at them. When I tried to take my original seat, the one next me told me I had to seat at least four seats away from her. Just in case I got sick again. So again, I sat alone, not even listening to the principal of my junior high schools words. Again I was an outsider.

Now, it’s the first day of junior high and I already have a problem. My mother and I go to register and they can’t find my information. So after an hour of scrabbling around the place, my mother reveals that she enrolled me in an alternate school in case I didn’t get into the first one. I was sad that I had to go to an unfamiliar place. I was frowning the whole way there.

But when I got there, I was amazed.  The whole building was made of pale white stones with statues and carvings on it. I’d never seen a more beautiful building. My school looked similar to a castle. I actually thought it was. I half expected a prince to come out to greet me. I couldn’t believe I was going here.

I stood outside my first class, English, with mother. “go in there and introduce yourself.” She said, pushing through the door. I remember standing front of a bunch of new faces. I knew no one and I didn’t know what to say. So I said nothing. The teacher introduced me. I sat down and stayed as quiet as I could. A boy across from me, his name was Tyler, started to talk to me. He introduced himself and asked me about myself. Our first assignment was to introduce each other to the one sitting across from us and tell the class about the other.

“My name is Antoinette and my favorite color is purple.” I muttered. I didn’t want to talk but I had to. Tyler waited for more information but I gave none. So when our teacher asked him about me, he said.

“She said her name is Antoinette and her favorite color is purple. That’s all she would tell me.” Everyone laughed, but I stayed silent. All throughout the period, people were very nice to me. I didn’t know what to say to them. So after class, my mother asked me.

“Did you like this school?” I shook my head.

“I don’t like it here.” I said, determinedly

“why? What do you not like about this place?” she asked. I had to think about that. In truth there was nothing I really didn’t like about the place. The teachers and student were nice to me and I hadn’t been there long enough to find fault in anything else. Despite all that, this is what I said.

“I don’t know. I just don’t like this school.” I insisted. My mother just smiled and told me that she would ask me later, after school, If I felt the same.

Now I can’t remember much of that day. I only remember 2 classes and lunch. The second class was math and the only reason I remember that was because of our teacher . His name was Mr. G. he didn’t tell us his full name. he was really fun and cool. But that’s not why I remember him. I remember him because he was there the first day but disappeared the next day. We never saw him again. We all thought he was murdered or something but never really asked.

This next part has nothing to do with my story but It makes me laughs years from now. Our next math teacher was Mr. Williams. He was handsome, nice and an all around good guy. It’s just that he failed as a teacher. For a whole year, math was like a free period for us 6th graders. He would try to teach us but no one listened. We talked, walked around the class room, I even painted in his class. The man was the biggest push over id ever met. Now, at 16, I feel bad for taking advantage of his goodness but those days were still funny and enjoyable. Sorry, Mr. Williams for all the trouble back then. I hope you’re happy today.

Anyway back to my story. At lunch, the most amazing thing happened. So I said nothing all day and people accepted that and left me alone. I was so nervous. I didn’t want people to hate me here too but I had no way of knowing how to make friends. People just didn’t like me when I tried to talk to them.

So Im standing on the lunch line, waiting for my turn to eat and Im bored. I may have been nervous, but saying nothing all day got boring even to me. So I pulled out a Sudoku puzzle book my father had lent me that morning  and started to solve it.

“Hi.” Someone said. I looked up and saw another girl, one from my class, smiling at me. I looked around to see who she was talking to. She was looking at me though.

“Hi.” I said back, unsure of what was happening. Why was this girl talking to me? Did she need something? I didn’t know what to do.

“Is that Sudoku?” she asked. I looked down at the book. I hadn’t known what it was called when my father had taught me how to solve it. I nodded. “I love that stuff. Can I help you with it?”

So there I was standing on the lunch line, unsure of what to do next. This girl, who I didn’t even know, had spoken to me and seemed to be holding out the hand of friendship. I was still scared but all at once my heartfelt light. I smiled at her.

“alright.” I said. That’s how I met my best friend. Things were different for me in this new school. My first day I made friends with a girl. This was very important to me. I’d never had much of a female influence in my life. I always followed my brother around, so I was very boy like. I’d always wanted a girl friend but no one ever wanted to be my friend. And in the first week, I had a group of friends, friends that had my back and knew I had theirs. I still remember them all.


Now the girl I became friends with on the first day, Dominique, is still my best friend to this day. Through all of the ups and downs we’ve gone through, we are still close. She has my back today just as she did the day we met. Sometimes I fear one day she will realize I might not be a good friend. That even though I try, I sometimes come off as selfish or rude. I believe the day will come when she will leave me. But I hope that day never comes. She is too important to me for me to go through that. She gave me the one thing I’d always craved. A true friend who won’t forget about me and will always help me when I’m down. 

© Copyright 2018 Avery Gard. All rights reserved.

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