'I am hurt and I have no, no reason to smile; my pride has been swallon by my wounds, my laughs have been vanished by my own hands, my instincts are against me because of my own brain, my soul, its trembling because of my deeds and my eyes they are speaking, what my lips could not; I have punished myself to this curse', said Abril in the chruch to Jesus like he was his only listener left.
The broken-hearted girl was talking to Jesus, she just could not believe how life had changed for her and how much she has to regret for how much she had done. When the true life opened its door in front of her eyes and she became the victim of the agony, she had given to a lot of people. Hence, the pain had become too overwhelming, she had lost everthing and the great fall made her walk towards her faith.Nonetheless, the following she confessed to ease the poisonwhich is rushing down her veins:
'I don't know, I have become so weak, that if I blame you for this Jesus, wouldn't it be a little unfair. Is it my fault that I wasn't taught about you too much? And even if I knew you, why couldn't you just save me before! That now, I have lost everything? Pay back! Pay back, Jesus?' Abril sighed and tried to complain Jesus but she failed.
Tears and sweat were all over her face and there was no one to wipe her face clean. She had lost and gained her faith's love.
It was the time now Abril thought; she inhaled the air around the chruch with immense pressure and exhaled it out; she sat on her knees and freed her hands to the ground; her head was low and her hair were messed upall over her face. Therefore, she began to speak more.
'I am destroyed and these wounds are fresh, I just can't seem to bury the pain. Its surprising how you called me towards your love and how attractive your love has been to me, now. Its unbelieveable, I am bound to you, I am counting on you and if you desert a sinner like me I would drown and drown into fire, fire of not only Hell but of regret.'
'Jesus, I can feel you right now and I believe, I can actually trust you and confide in you however, would you be merciful to me? And it doesn't matter until I surrender to you, right? And here I am, just treat me the way you want. I, I am ready for anything of yours to collide with me, it would be heavenly for me. See, see, I am smiling, I want, I want you to be with me now and I know you were and will always be. I had been wrong through out my life but will not be, from now on. I will be- what you want.'
'I have realised after losing my love of my life, that I deserved it because I was the one who...I still remember, the way I avenged Sally's boyfriend, just for a bet, I poisoned him and look Jesus, someone poisoned my love, Feodore, just for a little bet. Its maybe you know, what goes around comes back around; I lost my everything and each tear that rolls down my cheeks reminds me of Sally, the way she cried in front of me and asked me to bringher boyfriendback for her. And I? Ignored her and left her alone in agony forever. However, that hasn't left me the same way, I have been ignored today too Jesus. I felt it too and the feeling of being lonely has made me even-steven demented and this demented I,and the clutters of my broken heart has produced the real me today'.
'I donot regret and I donot wish, that I had not disarrayed anyone's life, but this feeling and the hurt which is growing in my heart makes me feel, I wish I had come before to your existence before, I wish I had not forgotten your place and I wish I had visited your worship placea bit earlier,so that I would have been least a sinner which I am today. And after performing so many heart wrenching sins what my heart is feeling for you Jesus, is, I am scared, I am petrified, I am lonely but listening to your verses and singing choirs to you makes me happy from the inside moreover, I am so much in love with your worship, but I am afraid that it might be too late'.
Abril paused. She looked up to the posture of Jesus and cleansed her heart as she wiped her tears from her face.
She continued: 'Please, I return to my faith, I return to you, I return to my only love and I will always return thanks to you. My strength has weaken and I cannot fight with you, and as I walk away from chruch today, I will take this first meeting of ours, the promise for my restless soul to calm down that you will not leave me and that you will bless me with mercy and accept my apologises. I am sorry to you for being so neglectant towards my faith. Please, just keep close to you'.
© Copyright 2016 ayesha00. All rights reserved.
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