DENIAL

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
that moment when you gone bit crazy...

Submitted: May 19, 2014

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Submitted: May 19, 2014

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Denial…

05/16/2014

 

It’s almost dawn… I woke up in tears. Lights off, darkness seems to add silence in the quiet night. It’s cold and I’m freezing, and I woke up crying.

 

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying” my man asked.

I don’t know what to say… I glanced at him and smile. I lean on his shoulder, tried my best to go back to sleep but my tears wont stop from falling.

 

“It’s going to be okay… everything will be alright” he says. While stroking my hair, “hmmm… hmmm… hmmm… remember you are loved. Hmmm…” he hums, putting me back to sleep.

 

“Please stop…” I whispered. “I just don’t know what I’m gonna do now, I don’t know if I’m gonna make it tomorrow”.

 

“You will… I’ll be there. You know I will always be around” he assures.

 

“Please stop consoling me… you’re just making it worst”. “Of course you’ll be there!” I answered as I tried to smile.

 

“You are my life, you are the one…

Remember my love, ill never be gone.

Wherever you go, I’ll be with you

Lean on me, whenever you’re feeling blue”, he said.

 

“Stop I’m not even sure if I can live like this”, I paused and lean on the other side of the bed to catch my breath.

 

“Come here my love, let me hold your hand, let me hug you. Go back to sleep. We have a lot to do, please try to rest”… and pulled me back to his chest.

 

“I can’t carry on this life, I don’t wanna live!” this time my voice shrills, as I stop my self from howling.

 

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, with out you I’ll be nothing. I’m begging you to please fight whatever pain you are feeling right now. I’m pleading, praying for you to face every tomorrow with strength, and happiness. I have no doubt, I’ve known you as a strong woman but if you’re truly is weakening please take my strength with you. Keep in mind and heart that you have me and my love wherever you are”. The last thing I heard, the last thing I remembered before vanishing back asleep.

 

9:00 in the morning… the sun shines so bright that it passes through to the light blue curtain hanging on my window. So bright, that I can imagine the ray of it even when my eyes closed.

 

“Wake up! It’s almost time. Fix your self. Wear the white dress we bought about a month ago.  I want you to be the most beautiful woman beside me today” he whispered.

 

So I stand up unsettled, troubled, and weak. Tired, because of not having enough sleep. But still, I managed to dress up the way he wanted. The white dress looks just right for this day, matching my black hair straightly combed. A little blush, a smile could really help a lot, but I just can’t.

 

 Its 15mns pass 10 in the morning… the time has finally come.

 

It feels like I’m breaking, slowly dying as I opened the door of the quiet room.

“I can’t walk… I can’t even start a single step in this carpeted floor. I’m dying.

I can’t walk… I’m falling apart. I’m dying.”

 

“Walk my love, you’re almost there” he whispered.

 

So I started marching in this aisle… as our friends, family and people we knew saw me coming they approached me with a smile, hugs and kisses. A lot of hugs and kisses… but not even a single kiss can stop me from crying.

 

I tumbled and finally fell on my feet. “I can’t stand… I can no longer move. I’m dying. Please just let me die!”

 

“You’re not dying, I’m here now. I’m just a reach away from you. Reach your hand my love… and feel my love is never ending” he uttered.

 

So I reached for this white big box-looking thing in front of me and stood steadily. As I glance through the surface of it, I heard him once again this time I can actually see him too.

 

“You’ve done it my love… I knew that you’ll be the prettiest lady beside me by this time and I’m thankful”“My love, you’re a strong woman but if you’re truly weakening please take my strength with you. Keep in mind and heart that you have me and my love wherever you are. I love you… and will always love you forever” written on pink ribbons pinned on his coffin.

 

And again I’m crying…

 

“My love, I don’t know when this pain will be gone… I’m not sure if these tears will ever stop. I can’t say that I’ll soon be strong. I can see myself going crazy every time but I don’t really care. I love you… never stop visiting me”. I whispered.

 


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