Uninvited Visitor

Reads: 772 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 1 | Comments: 17

A chilling tale of murder.

It was very dark outside. Well past the setting of the sun. I am normally a light sleeper so when the brief, secretive noise occurred, I came alert. From where I was, the only patch that was discernable was the door and as I stared at it, I saw something pass through it making nary a sound. I knew instinctively that this could not turn out well.

There were seven of us sleeping in a row. As far as I knew, I was the only one awake enough to recognize the danger we were in. Slowly, the intruder crept to the end of the room, intent on his victim. Then, just he sprung and sank his teeth into his prey’s neck, I rose and attacked.

My loud commotion caused the others to wake up and add to the din as we all fought the intruder. I jumped on his back, only to be thrown to the side as he claimed his next victim, biting her neck and causing a flood of blood to be released.

Now a third was dead, killed in the same manner as the first two. The uproar was now reaching a fever pitch as we battled him. The four of us remaining dodged and kicked with our feet at the intruder’s face; trying to blind him. One scored a direct hit on an eye and the intruder gave out with a chilling scream and nimbly retreated towards the door. We rallied and gave chase. Following and attacking until he started running.

The mighty blast of a shotgun tore the night apart. The intruder, hit mortally, tumbled to a stop with blood and gore spilling onto the grass.

“That’s the last time that fox gets into my henhouse!” Declared the farmer, clicking his firearm open and ejecting two empty shells.

Submitted: December 16, 2013

Horror

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Comments

Mr Watson

Liked the twist, we have quite a few urban foxes where i live.

Mon, December 16th, 2013 7:27pm

Author
Reply

Someone used the phrase "like a fox in a henhouse" and this story sprang to life. Thanks for the comment.

Mon, December 16th, 2013 11:59am

tht1bakaauthor

This was good. I liked it very much.

Tue, December 24th, 2013 11:27pm

Author
Reply

Thank you :

Tue, December 24th, 2013 4:53pm

srj6

I liked this too. Short, clever and an easy read although my sympathies are with the fox.

Mon, February 24th, 2014 9:30pm

Author
Reply

You know, so were mine. He was just doing what foxes do.

Mon, February 24th, 2014 3:31pm

Skystrong

For some reason I thought these were seven people sleeping in a room that a vampire intruded upon. Until I saw the hen house, then that cleared it up for me haha. I read it again and really liked it! Good job!

Sun, March 30th, 2014 3:12am

Author
Reply

Thanks for the comment. Skystrong. First impressions sometimes aren't what they seem.

Sun, March 30th, 2014 5:54am

Chris Cross

I liked it very much! That's all fox! The cruel animal deserved his mortal fate for having disturbed the (almost)helpless poultry sleeping peacefully and chicks to chicks.

Mon, March 31st, 2014 12:43pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for your comment, Chris.

Mon, March 31st, 2014 6:04am

Maggie Williams

This was wonderful! I love the detail you used and the language!:)

Tue, April 1st, 2014 9:27pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much, Maggie. Always good to hear from another writer.

Tue, April 1st, 2014 3:39pm

akirachan20

haha (@_@) i didn't a chicken to be the narrator in this story, the descriptions gave it a creepy atmosphere that became a little funny at the end, liked it

Tue, April 29th, 2014 12:12am

Author
Reply

Thanks, Akira-chan. I'm glad you liked it.

Mon, April 28th, 2014 5:16pm

Epicgurl123

Nice twist :)

Tue, April 29th, 2014 10:34pm

Author
Reply

Thanks.

Tue, April 29th, 2014 3:39pm

Sidiosyncratic

Although, none of the survivors chickened out in the battle, they did turn out to be chickens in the end. Loved it !

Wed, April 30th, 2014 6:36am

Author
Reply

Which is why they crossed the road. Thanks for reading.

Wed, April 30th, 2014 7:25am

Joseph Mark

Nice story! Until the end I thought it was a Vampire horror story. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Fri, May 9th, 2014 4:10am

Author
Reply

I love twisty little stories. I should probably do more of them.

Fri, May 9th, 2014 4:41am

drcommonsense

Love the story, read it 3 times. Could you please take a second and comment on some of my writings, I would be happy to return the favor. Thanks and hope you enjoy.

Tue, July 15th, 2014 7:32am

Author
Reply

Ok. I can do that. Thanks for the nice comment.

Tue, July 15th, 2014 12:16pm

Victoria Quinn

LOL! Just awesome. Like others I thought it was a vampire but was impressed that instead of all the potential victims trying to run away they decided to stand and fight. Then the topsy turvey twist that it was a farmer protecting his chickens was great. Although for the livelihood of the farmer as for the lives of the chickens it was still a horror story. Again very awesome!

Thu, February 26th, 2015 9:42pm

Author
Reply

Thanks, Victoria. I've achieved my goal, then. I didn't want to give it away too soon. ~Tom

Thu, February 26th, 2015 1:50pm