“I love you” were words uttered in the cold night. Holding her drunk in my arms, I froze along with the crisp night. Words uttered back with uncertainty…”I love you too…” I had only known Riley for almost two months, but our relationship had grown from conversations of deep thoughts and experiences. But with this moment these three powerful words will either strengthen or poison my journey. For what is left unsaid is the secret we both have to keep...which is our love. Love went against my morals that night as I held her in my arms. This sad girl, hurting, falling for me, lying, wanting...all words that come filling my memories. But what did I love? Why did I say it back? Was it true? But at that moment where someone says "I love you" , I found myself stuck. My mind was spinning, wheels turning....upstairs...she also had someone else. But I did care for her...so I said it. I couldn't take it back though a part of me wish I did. Those three words only brought me more secrets, lies, pain, yearning, hate, feelings of being lost, and poison that consumed me and still does. Almost a decade has passed, and I am slowly finding myslef.We are still together, and Riley has ended it with her significant other.But that was a battle that continues to haunt what greatness we could have become. II. Everday day I wake up and wonder about the thoughts that run through her head, what lies she can spin to convince me and herself that things are okay, that deep down inside she doesnt harbor old, vintage feelings. A constant reminder that kills me and eats at my very heart of doubts is the tattoo she wears, spelling out out the very name I despise, loathe, and wish to be covered up in the vastness of non-existence. The letters that I try to unscramble that it AINT going to bother me...that name that digs into my flesh, negatively consuming my being...TINA! To even spell out her name in all honesty fills me with disgust that I even have to put her in the pages that I write. But let me be in control of how she should be remembered and written, published, and hated for all eyes to read. This is the only time her name will be spelled out because as I said, I AINT going to let this beat me. would l I dd
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