Letters to my Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Woman goes out with her best friends son and something happens between them even though one sided Katie feels the need to write him a love letter.

Submitted: March 03, 2014

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Submitted: March 03, 2014

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Dearest Jacob,

January 11, 2013

When we were with your mom and found out she had cancer; I saw something in you I never saw before.  I felt odd crying in front of you to your mother but when a I left that night I just had an overwhelming feeling to grab you and hold you. I will not lie to you Jacob I am totally heartbroken that this is  happening to you and your  family.

For reasons I can't explain but when I am with you everything is forgotten.

When I told you I never done that before I did it high school. But hadn’t done it since that.

For some reason when I unbuttoned your pants it felt so sensual to me and I can’t seem to get enough.When I tell you that Jack  doesn't care he truly doesn't because he doesn't have any reason not to trust me. I  have been a good wife for 15 years.

Whenever I sit down to watch tv or anything else for that matter I always find myself in deep thought of you and I am not sure if you are experiencing any of the these thoughts or feelings.

I would have never guessed in a million years that you and I would have ever done anything like that before. You're a bad influence on me. I love every minute I get to spend with you. Being with you makes me wanna be a better person.  

One Week Later~

Don’t take it wrong I enjoy spending time with you and well the other things I can’t do without you. I  just love saying I am going out and after being out with you I feel amazing for days.

I am pretty sure if we were ever to have actually physical sex I would not be able to separate the two and I would want you all the time.

So we should just continue like we are me pleasing you and I am ok with that because that is all I think about it pleasing you. I don’t care if we are talk or if I do my thing as long as I am with you.

When you grabbed my head with both hands and started ramming it into my mouth and when you cummed down my throat it felt so good and I wish I could have kept sucking you all night I would have.  I hope our little late night outings don’t have to end.

One-Month Later~

I can not begin  to put things into words in my mind or wrap my mind around what happen last night.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I did not enjoy it I did. I am having a difficult time today with what happen. Let’s face it and be real you and I both know this is not going anywhere and damn it Jacob I liked it I am not gonna lie about it when I felt you penetrate me it was an amazing experience and I find myself sitting here wanting more. There’s no turning back now Jacob  I am not the type that can emotional disconnect I am surprised it worked so well in the past with the other things we were doing.

I feel ashamed of myself and you said the next time you will have a better performance. What the hell you couldn’t wait to get rid of me and not to mention you had the lights on and saw everything I am self confident about my body and I liked the fact you had never seen all of me.  How will I be ok with any of this! I don’t know that I ever will be. Your eyes are piercing my soul and when I think about last night and what happen that is all I see is your beautiful blue eyes.  I couldn’t help but hide from you when you came to you mom’s today I was so ashamed of myself and you then I saw your damn beautiful eyes. Damn it Jacob!! we were suppose to just have fun and be done I thought we were done!  I didn’t put a big enough barrier around my heart for this. When I saw you outside the door at your mom’s my heart skipped a beat and dropped into my stomach. I do not know what any of these means and I am pretty sure you don’t feel the same way about me as I feel about you. I meant what I said my loyalty is your mother and not to you no matter what because keeping her out of drama and stress.

The very thought of being with you and taking care of your sexual desires for the rest of my life makes me very happy but I want more I always will want more that is why this will  need to stop because this you have a family and so do I. Just know that I would never jeopardise  caring for your mother she means the world to me. Damn it you make our friendship awkward. I will have to tell you no next time. I can’t do this anymore my heart is too fragile. I am absolutely terrified that I will fall in love with you and you will not feel the same way and I will be sitting here feeling something I shouldn’t feel because I knew the risk before we took it but I have enjoyed every moment with you and honestly all I think about doing is grabbing you and holding and never letting you go.

Damn it Jacob I just wanna sleep with you for real and hold you all night and make love to you all night then fall asleep cuddling with you and waking you up with you in my mouth. I know Jacob you are not a mushy type of guy and I wouldn’t want to change you but I just want one night alone with you.

What happened last night will play over and over in my head why wouldn’t it I am a girl I am trying Jacob not to let my feelings get in the way but I am not winning. My feelings are starting to take over. I know you just wanna have fun with me and go home to our families but how long will this go on before someone cracks. I am trying to be ok with this Jacob. I need a beer and a talk. I need to talk to someone about this I am freaking falling apart.
Almost to the point of tears. Please just tell me you are done and reject me it would be easier. Let me go. I can’t keep doing this. My inner self knows it’s not right to be feeling this way but my outer self says why not your heart wants what the heart wants.. I know you are not a feelings type of guy but I need to know that you and I both know this is not going anywhere and I need to know I didn’t do anything wrong last night you did run off pretty fast even though I can’t be upset by that I just wanted to go home after being with you because I thoroughly enjoyed being with you and I am not suppose have feelings or develop an emotional connection and damn it I am trying but I felt like I had a connection before we started screwing around now what am I suppose to do.  Your mother once told me you would take advantage of my feelings and that I should not get too attached to you because of your family with Morgan because having sex with you would be unemotional and it won’t mean anything to you so with that being said I can’t do that with you because I believe sex to be something emotional and my heart can’t take it because I do get attached maybe it’s the girl in me I don’t know but I know I don’t like this feeling I am beginning to have for you Jacob I don’t how I will even begin to explain it to anyone or to you for that matter all I know is that when I am with you everything I deal with everyday melts away.

I just want to grab you and say Jacob I care about you and I don’t want anything we have done to ruin my friendship with your mother or you for that matter because Jacob regardless to what you may or may  not feel about me my heart is big and caring and I do love you because of the love I have for your mother because I would do anything for you or your family or your sisters please understand that Jacob.

Just when I begin to give up fighting it in my heart you text  me again. That time in the hospital with your mom I just wanted to hold you when we found out about your mom’s cancer.  Tell you the truth every 4th of July that we have spent together I would look at you when you were not looking and thinking about being with you like we were last night.  

There has been many times I have wanted to call you and ask you to go out for a beer and  talk to you but I don’t want to be that girl that calls to harass you but there has been things I have been asked to keep from you  not  that I am happy about it but I am not picking sides with you or your mother so I will remain neutral. Your mother only knows about one of our outings. I have not let on there has been more and nor do I plan to.

I find myself having waves of being okay and feelings that I am trying like hell to fight but I don’t know how.  I think about the next time we are together even though I told you I can’t doesn’t mean I don’t  really want to you know. I think about what I wanna get you for your birthday.

Something inside of me wants you to text me and say we need to talk and have a beer and honestly I would  maybe feel better or maybe you could talk to me about your stuff. You don’t understand this but I wanted to tell you how much I missed you but I didn’t. There is so much I wanna tell you but I don’t.  I believe in my heart you are feeling something but would never tell me that you don’t have to face this alone I want to be there for you. I want to kiss you all over your body.

I have a feeling that this is  gonna be heartbreaking why did I think this was anything different then being used abused and thrown to the curb like most of my life has been by men. I am done with them all including my husband.  How could I be so stupid to think this was anything more than a late night one night stand.  Katie, you are not any different than any of the other girls he has cheated on Morgan with and let’s face it there was probably girls were 100 times better looking than you Katie. Jacob can have anyone he wants but he has chosen you to be his late night one night stand because you are married and there is no committed issues there for him and he will continue to use you until you say NO!

 

Waking up on Sunday and went back to having feelings for you Jacob I can’t stop them no matter how hard I try I can’t.  Maybe I am sitting over analyzing things like a girl damn it why does it have to be so complicated I just wanted to have fun with you Jacob and you had to make things more complicated by having sex with me. I came home to finish the job you couldn’t do. When I looked at you on top of me I saw you Jacob I tried to just close my eyes and be ok with it all. I haven’t had sex in two years and you were the first to penetrate me and I enjoyed every minute of it oh my god did I enjoy it  Now I find myself thinking about the next time and climbing on top of you.

 

Jacob I just wanna be with you again and that is not right I know but I want more from you sexually. I am tired of feeling like this I need to move on you are making my head all cloudy and confused because I know what this is and I can’t help but feel like I want more and I can’t have more and that is not fair to Morgan or Jack or our children.

 

Jacob I am sorry I don’t wanna break your heart I wanna be with you but we can’t that’s all there is and it breaks my heart I can’t feel it for real. Just to be the next to be with you. I am the one who wants to be with you deep inside I hope you feel it too.  Damn it Jacob I need to talk to someone about this.  

 

As I stood across the kitchen looking at you all I could think about was the other night.  Damn it Jacob it’s not suppose to be like this I just wanna run off with you and give you what you need. I wanted to say lets go have a beer sometime and talk but I didn’t. I wanted to accidentally fall on you while I was putting my shoes on damn it Jacob I am finding it harder and harder to do this with you so please just be honest and say what you really want for me or let me freaking go I can’t take the feelings I am feeling and I am completely terrified to fall in love with you and you won’t feel the same for me.

 

I do want you sexually Jacob in every way possible. In a way I am hoping you will text me before you go home and ask me to go out with  you for a beer because all sexaul activies aside I just wanna be with you I don’t care how just do. I don’t know that I can explain it to you but I am terrified of what you thought or what you saw when you had sex with me I can’t not believe you said next time how long will I have to wait for the next time to be with you again.

I have decided to drink myself over you and thats it because I need to escape reality for a lil bit.

I just wanna be over it and go back to having fun with you fun and fancy free damn it I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the way. I tried really hard not to let them Jacob please don’t hate me for that I just wanna be with you.

I wanna show you what real love feels like and be your lover and never break your heart. damn it I tried for this to be unserious. Please Jacob we need to this and I need to know we are ok with ending this because I can’t do this Jacob please just end this. I knew it was only a matter of time before my walls around my heart broke down that is why I said I was not ready to have sex.


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