My FEELINGS IN COUNTING

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
ITS about a girl who is expressing her love for the man she loves

Submitted: January 06, 2012

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Submitted: January 06, 2012

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Well here goes I haven’t wrote anything in awhile now and well I feel the need to do so. I feel like everything I do and say means nothing to the one I love.  As if I don’t belong in this world of seeing myself happy and in love. There’s the part where life kind of seems great with out knowing it.  Well the sad part is, I am in love and happy with two kids. The thing about that is sad is my boyfriend doesn’t seem to believe in me and trust me. My kids and me love him more than anything in the world. Iv never felt this way in my life to really say I love you to a man.
When I look at him its like a dream that is meant to be, kind of like when you wake up to the one person you love like I do him. John makes me feel wanted and needed, happy and like there is no better place then to be with him, my kids and I would rather be with him as a family then be hurt every time life gets good. I may be a 20-year-old mom of two, who hasn’t finished high school, but deep down she really wants to.

My kids are one going on two and a three year old. My oldest sons dad hasn’t had anything to do with us since the day he found out I was pregnant. My youngest sons dad is in prison for hurting me and abusing me. My kid’s names are DeShawn and Ryot, and if it wasn’t for them I wanted to end my life. Don’t get me wrong I know it’s just the easy way out of life. Pretty much like running away from what it is you wanted to end it because of.


The day I met up with john after almost like 5 years, I knew he was what I wanted in my life to complete it. Before that I thought id lose everything in me to ever love or to be loved again. John has made me the happiest mom and girlfriend alive. Sometimes it’s hard to show it when he doesn’t believe in me but life isn’t set to be easy and perfect.
Life is a set of numbers you never know when or what day in age you may go. It could be in a blink of an eye. I wake up every morning and ask myself what will today bring me, I can guess or want to make the day be what I want, but you cant always have or get what you want in a days worth of time. I mean you could ask for lets say a day full of relaxing watching movies with your family full of smiles and laughter. Does it mean that’s what you’re going to get, maybe? You will never know until the end of that day. This girl right here wants to wake up everyday with that smile of knowing her kids and her boyfriend wake up knowing that they love her. Turning over and facing john and him smiling back at her. To starting the day out by a kiss and I love you. The sad part is you can want and wish, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you’re going to get. I dream the same thing every night, my wedding day with john Kirk and the day I die, which is I driving off a cliff smiling of happiness and knowing and believe john and my kids are what make me happy.

You have to set goals in life to know where and what you want to become or to believe in. It may not make any sense at all but if you read between the lines it all comes together. My name is Jaycee nauert and I believe and know that I am in love and I want it to be more than just a relationship in dating. Yea I know just because that’s what I want doesn’t mean he wants the same. But I love him and if it’s not enough for him then that’s his choice. You can’t make someone do or be with something they don’t want to be.  Life is like telling yourself what it is your dreaming about every moment and or second of the day.  I see myself gone before even knowing it, is that bad I mean look I have two kids and feels like they don’t even love me at times. I must be wrong for them to.  

Well besides all that I feel like a failure because I don’t have my own place and am jobless and living with my brother. I just want my own place and feel like im doing what’s best for my kids and me. Life isn’t about having everything you want, but in some ways you are going to wish for everything. A house, car, money but it really all depends on how you look at it. Yea you need a place to live but are you really to lazy to walk where you need to go, well maybe and maybe not. Money well we have to work for that. Happiness and love if it’s really what you want go find it. I know I have it already there the best thing that any girl could ever want. Iv loved him since I was like wow 12. Didn’t know what love was then but I knew I did.

 This time and day I’m with him and hopefully for as long as I live. He reminds that im dumb but I know I am. I’m not perfect and I don’t want to be. I’m stupid and I know it, but no matter what he says it makes me love him more. If he ever were to leave me again, im not going to lie I would lose it worse then any other time before. Because I love him so much I picture my life with him and my kids. I see myself with the biggest smile the widest eyes and the fullest heart of all. He feels my soul with a lot of passion and love that id rather die then ever be apart. You I sit here and change the way I’m putting this all together but it’s my mind that just goes with it.



Because here I go again, I say I’m going to end my life a lot but really I couldn’t because of two reasons. 1. I have two amazing little smart-ass boys who may get on your nerves but I love them. 2 I’m in love this the most amazing guy in the world that makes me feel like I don’t have to be scared. I don’t have to put on makeup just to be noticed by him. He may laugh at me or not believe me but I can’t let go of him and don’t want to ever have to either. I am scared of someone else coming along and taking him from me. Every time im happy someone or something takes it away. Almost as if I’m not meant to be happy or like I am not meant to be loved by anyone. John makes my heart pound like everything in it is working like life is great. Ever beat my heart makes is just another day I get to be next to him in life and being the mother I am.
 
Life as one is what you could say is what I want and see with him and my children. There isn’t anything that could change my mind about how I feel about the three of them. Deshawn, Ryot and John are what my life is about besides me wanting to finish school and maybe some college.
 I have a whole life ahead of me. I may not get that chance in life; I can set a goal and work at it. I have lots of goal and sometimes I wonder which one will be the one I truly go for?


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