First

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
First is the worst, second is the best.

Submitted: May 19, 2008

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Submitted: May 19, 2008

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She watched, as Daren took the other woman's hand, and hold it while they floated to the altar. She watched him, confess his true love to her, saying his vows.

She then, dropped to the floor. She was in the last pew. And she crawled out of the door. She never would have done this, but if she had kept, her cries would have been heard by everyone. And they would know. They would know her true feelings.

She escaped, and pulled out of the church parking lot, in her old Chevy truck. It was fixed to be quiet though. And right then, she thanked God for it.

But, she was only 17, and Daren was 19. It wasn't supposed to happen like this! It wasn't supposed to be so quick. She'd thought that he'd get over Lyndsie eventually. She thought, he'd never get married so young. He'd always said he could never fall in love.

But that was until he met Lyndsie, as perfect as a Barbie doll. Blond and pretty, with good grades, and a good job. She was 20 now.

Tears blinded Erin's face, as she pulled out. She took her sleeve, and wiped her eyes.

It had been a sunny day two years ago. She had been trying to get over Daren, he'd been her best friend since when she'd first started pre-k. He'd been her bully, at first, until she kicked him so hard, it bruised, and they'd been friends since.

She'd had a crush on him, when she realized how truly good looking he was, and how he was still different from all of the other boys, the mean ones.

And then, Lyndsie walked out of the office, with her mom. They'd obviously been enrolling for the rest of the year.

It hadn't taken the two long to get together, they had eyes for only each other. And then, Erin was distanced from Daren. Lyndsie's work probably.

The two year difference when Daren moved onto a higher grade level, and had to change schools, were hard transitions, and especially not seeing him all day, except for lunch period made her lonely. But the distance Lyndsie set for them, instead of age, was much harder to live with.

He was her first love. Her only love. She'd loved him, before Lyndsie even knew him. She loved him first. And Lyndsie still got him.


She had always been first in his life, but then, Lyndsie was. And Erin came second.

First is the worst, as the rhyme went, second is the best. What if she'd known Daren second, and after Lyndsie? Would she be in that wedding gown, seeing the love in Daren's eyes? Would she be at the altar, instead of crying like a hosepipe?

She barely recognized her house, through the blur of her tears. She stumbled in, and ran to the bathroom, running into many things, bleeding on her knees and hands by the time she got all the way down the wooden stairs, that were supposed to add a "rustic" look to the house.

Her arms filled with an electricity, as she considered it. She'd never done it before.

But what was the point of life, if he couldn't love her? What was the point, if she'd always have to see them together, visit them in the hospital when they had kids, and hold her tears in the rest of her life.


She lifted the razor blade, and then put it down. It was too blunt, and would do nothing...

"I loved Daren first." Was all she could think. She didn't realize what she was thinking, about suicide. She didn't write a note, like she would have in the past, if she had ever wanted to kill herself.

She just wanted to die, get it over with, she didn't want anybody to know her reasons.


She grabbed the clinical scissors they kept to clip nails out of the cabinet.

She channeled all of her rage, and pain into dragging the blade down her wrist. She screamed, not from the pain, because she didn't feel it, but from her lungs, with all of her heart. She screamed, when she cut herself again.

"First is the worst, second is the best." She mumbled.

She never felt the pain. She just, went numb.

She heard somebody beat on the door, then they probably searched for the spare key. She cut it deeper than the first, second love was loved deeper

"First is the worst, second is the best."

And, everything faded, as someone called her name.

"ERIN!"

"First is the worst, second is the best." Was her last thought.


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