How bad do you want success?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
A true story about a boy that came from nothing and got the only chance to make a diffrence in this world.

Submitted: September 02, 2012

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Submitted: September 02, 2012




“How bad do you want success?”
I don’t really know where to start when it comes to my history and how it all changed my life and everyone that surrounds it. I’ve always known that I have been different from other kids and teenagers, but I always thought that it was my ADHD. I can see things from a different light, things that no one else than me can see.  And it feels like I am an alien when I’m trying to explain them. I have been told that I am worth nothing and more destructive comments everyday for the past ten years of my life, and the sad part is that I am only 17 years old. Each day is a nightmare for me and that’s the reason why I really started with what I am doing now. I like computers. And I have always been in love with them. It might have a reason to it, my dad have always been in love with computer too. And since I’ve really never known him and can’t remember him at all. Then it might have a bounded reason with it.
Ands when i got my first personal computer when I was at the age of seven years old, I can still remember how lovely it looked and how proud I was about its 20 GB hard disk. When I first was allowed to enter my room with my computer I sat up each night just trying to figure out the systems and how advanced the computer was. And I have to commit, it was love in first sight. Even though I really didn’t know what I was doing. But I knew that my school teacher had some great knowledge about computers, so I stalked him. I watched his every move’s from day one, how he did that and this. I was really excited and had these weird feelings inside of me, like I matter and the computer was my only real friend.  It sounds sad, I know. But this is how it feels when everyone is being ugly against you and thats all you can remember.
I don’t know if you have been through the same as I have been through. But when you wake up each morning feeling that you don’t belong to this world and can’t even stand looking yourself in the mirror, something has to be wrong. Something has to be wrong when you have no friends at school and when you open your mouth in class everyone laughs at you. And ever since this started happened to me I started hating school. But don't get me wrong I like to study when it is challenging, I like hard tasks, especially math and science. But since I hate school I can’t really bare going to school each day. I have a huge absence and I’m not proud of it, but it has absolutely nothing to do with school, just that I hate being in class with others. 
I don’t even feel lonely anymore, like I don’t need anyone else than myself and my computer. It might be a curse or a sickness inside of me. But I believe that my destiny is inside of this type of technology. That each night I’ve spent looking into my computer screen will end up with something good. I have been trying to look into my past to figure out who I really am and now that I am growing older I can really feel the pieces bumping into each other and trying to find their way to finish the puzzle I started on.
I often spend my late nights listening to music and studying for myself on the internet, mostly trying to learn how to program. I feel that programming is something that can suit me. It requires so much of your brain to actually keep up with decent programming. So when I was on the road of studying I found out about something that could change my future. Something that I can finally be proud about so I contacted a friend in hope that he might help me with this project because I knew myself that I needed an extra brain trying to develop this. Since we already knew each other and he was one of the few people that I can actually say, cared about me. 
And when I was finished telling him about the whole idea, he said yes. Strangely he believed in me and didn’t just say that I was daydreaming like everyone else might have said. After he knew about the idea, we started developing the whole thing for ourselves with pictures. We knew that we didn’t have the knowledge or money to start a big idea like this. So we had to be smart on the moves we did to start it all. We needed to have a “bigger brother” we could easily get to know and help us in this project. Hoping that they wouldn’t just scam us was on our mind the whole time when we decided to start looking for one. And after sending out mail after mail on the internet and not getting any answers our hopes was almost crushed, but suddenly we got a yes. From one of Europe’s biggest IT companies with several good investments. Exactly what we were looking for… 
My mind was blown, I was one of the few seventeen year old boys that actually got a meeting with such a company but I was still scared of the fact that our idea could fail. And since I didn’t have any friends at school I started bragging about how successful I was and how rich and famous I would be. I took the change of bragging before I never really knew what kind of spot the future had for me. 
And when we knew the exact date we would meet this company, something else happened to us. We got another mail back from even a larger company that wanted a meeting with us a month after our first meeting, and that had to be good for us. If we screwed up the first meeting at least we knew what to say at our next. And once again, I bragged about it at school. I was just trying to fit in...
But sometimes I think I wish for something I don’t need, like girls and friends I don’t need. Even though I have never been good with girls or making any friends and I don’t even think I will ever be. And the only thing I am wishing for now is that my idea will make it. But at least I had the knowledge to know we needed to work hard on this if we ever wanted it to become a reality. And so we did, we got together and worked hard on our presentation for about 2 weeks before our first meeting.
And when we got there, we were nervous but at the same time. We knew something had to be right, and the feeling we got when we walked into the meeting room was absolutely amazing. Have you ever gotten a feeling that you are doing something right, perhaps? Like following an old lady across the street, well we had the same feeling right then. And guess what, it went great for us. We just had to smile when we got out of the meeting and I yelled to myself “everything will be alright now, your hard work has paid off”. 
As you have read earlier in the text, I like to make ideas for computers. And since it went great with our first meeting we decided to not stop there. We went to the other meeting a month later, nervous again. But we had the same very feeling when we was about to walk in for something that could really, really change our lives for good. Something that could change the world. And it went as good as the meeting we had before.
We were really joyful about the fact that everything we knew might have a bigger change to be completed. And I had a feeling for myself, like this was my task for my life and the world.
I was once told “when you want success as much as you want to breath, then you will reach it” and I really did, I wanted this as much as I wanted to breath! Because I knew I couldn’t walk back to my normal days.  I want to be someone that I like better and I want to forget my past.
I promised myself that this project will be a reality and that I will achieve it. I promised myself that I wouldn’t go back to a living nightmare. So I saved up the little money I had to buy a patent on my idea with my friend, something that actually costs a big amount of money. I felt more grown and good after actually using my money on something that matters.
Today, im sitting here and waiting for another mail from one of these companies. If i get it, i will sign a contract with them. I just hope that this is my destiny because i can't afford losing this, if i lose this. My life won't be worth living anymore, i have lost everything that matters in this world on the road of something that i wish more. But i took the chance and choice of going this path.
A wise man told me once that if i wanted to become something i shouldn't listen to anyone else than my heart. Hope is the only thing that makes a diffrence about people now a days, everyone is equal. Everyone is humans and can therefor do the same as everyone else, all you will have to do is work hard and hope that you will success..
Written by: Balthasar.

© Copyright 2017 Balthasar. All rights reserved.

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