Sex or Love...Or Sex & Love???

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
Is sex and love on two different playing fields, or can they co-exist together?

Submitted: November 24, 2008

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Submitted: November 24, 2008

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Sex! Ok this isn’t an article about an erotic couple that is stranded on an island and find themselves with nothing better to do then to launch into a passion filled affair. No, this is about the meaning of sex I guess. Not why sex is performed, more like why people choose who there first person will be.

Unlike most teens these days the group of people I hang around with mostly waited until they turned 18 to perform the sacred act. It’s not like they were never offered sex previously, more the fact that it just didn’t feel right. Now in a time where being sexually active is starting as young as 12, it makes you wonder why these people held off for so long.

I could understand if they all claimed they were waiting to fall in love or waiting for the right person or moment. However, with the exception of me, they all went out and lost it to a random. I recently fished around and asked three of them the question why. This is what I found out; to be fair I asked two girls and one guy.
 
Girl 1
When: 18yrs new years party
Who: guy she met at the party
Why: she was tipsy and it just happened
Comments: She said that they just went for a walk to a park and started kissing then they had protected sex. She didn’t find him all that attractive and she doesn’t know why she decided to do it. She didn’t regret it. She never saw the guy again
 
Girl 2
When: 19yrs night out clubbing
Who: a cousin of a friend (never met before)
Why: she wanted to lose it to a random then never have to see them again
Comments: They left the club and he asked her back to his place she told this guy (he was no stranger to sex) that she was a virgin. He said she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to. Needless to say she obviously did. That night they had like a sex marathon. She is sure they used protection every time; she also got the morning after pill and an STD check. She also didn’t regret it and she never saw the guy again.
 
 Boy 1
When: 18yrs after a party
Who: a friend from school (not close)
Why: wanted the boys to stop making a big deal because he had never had sex, also just wanted to get it over and done with
Comments: He was intoxicated and the girl was very persistent in wanting sex. They had protected sex and she stayed the night. He doesn’t regret it. They are still friends but they feel awkward when around each other. He admitted to not liking her very much.
 
Ok so that’s three scenarios of people that after waiting so long just chose to lose it to random people. They all wanted to have sex and admitted that they needed a couple of drinks to give them the courage. Whereas I waited until I was 18, fell in love and lost it to my boyfriend. A few months down the track he broke up with me and broke my heart.

Here is the difference between us now; all three of them can now happily have one night stands and never see there partner again, I cannot. I thought waiting for the right guy and moment would make it all perfect. It was. However I now link sex with love. From what I have learnt more recently, sex and love need to be kept separately, fair enough they sometimes do link up

The reason I say this is because a man and woman can be in love. They can get married and start a family. Now for their 20th anniversary they have a threesome. Clearly they are both still in love they are just spicing up their sex lives for a night. The third person emotionally means nothing. The same as if one person in a relationship has a hidden one night stand with an attractive stranger. The partner finds out and is hurt. The unfaithful partner claims that it was just sex and that there was absolutely no love there.  

I start to wonder who was wiser out of me versus my friends. Perhaps it’s wiser to learn the lesson of separating sex and love earlier on. Maybe in this day and age sexual freedom is what we need to make us wiser about falling in love. I will never forget my first because I could only do it when I knew I was in love. I’m sure that I will probably fall in love a couple more times in my life, however because I link sex with love I will never have sexual freedom. At the same time it makes you wonder how many people lost their virginity to someone because they hoped it would make them fall in love them.

I am not sure what is right and wrong in the land of sex and love. I still don’t understand why my friends chose to wait if they were going to have emotionless sex. I find myself asking the question; is it ok to only have sex when you are in love? Or are people like me missing out because we are unable to separate these two things. I guess the whole sex/love thing is a lot more complicated then you would think.

What do you think??


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