How the Spook Stole Kentucky Fried Chickenmas

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Commercial Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A faithful retelling of the classic children's story.

Submitted: November 05, 2011

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Submitted: November 05, 2011




By Crinjo Mahogany


Every Coon down in Coonville loved Chickenmas a lot but the wild Spook just north of Coonville really did not!

The Spook hated Chickenmas! Hated the whole season, now nobody knows why, so please don't ask the reason

He hated fried chicken, he hated it a might; it could just be his coonhead wasn't on right

Or it could be that his wifebeater was on to tight

But I think the most likely reason of all, is that his KFC bucket was two sizes too small

But whatever the reason, his wifebeater or bucket, he stood there in his hovel hating Nantucket.

But that was besides the point, his stood there at his cave with a black coony frown, at the heated KFC establishments down in the coons town, for he knew every coon in Coonville was busy right now, eating fried chicken and singing Chickenmas carrols

Tomorrow is Chickenmas! It's practically here!

Then he growled with his spooky fingers nervously drumming

He knew then he must stop Chickenmas from coming!

For tomorrow he knew...

...All the coon girls and boys would wake bright and early, to go down to the coonshop manned by Shirley, and order their Chicken

Oh the noise! The slurping, crunching, yelling

That's the one thing he hated, the sound of children gnawing and cawing

Then the coons, young and old would sit down to their Chickenmas Feast

And they'd eat sheets, tweets and meat and upon their feet they'd wear their kleats

They would Feast on coongrapedrink and a rare roast Coonbeast

Which was something the Spook couldn't stand in the least

Then they'd do something he liked LEAST of all

Every Coon down in Coonville, the tall and the small would stand close together with chicken bells ringing, hand in hand

The coons would begin to start singing

They'd sing and sing the chicken bells would ring and in China there was a Dynasty of Ming

And the more the Spook thought of this coon chicken song

The more the spook thought "I must stop this Chickenmas, surely it's wrong!"

Then he got an idea, a spooky idea

I know just what I'll do!

Steal all the chicken from the Coonville Coons!

The spook looked around, but since there wasn't a chicken to be found

He took his grouse and painted it white and red, sensually in his bed

So he took a sleigh and sped down the mountain to each Coonshack to steal their Chicken

And Elvish shook out his Pelvis and said "Just you wait a cotton pickin’ minute"

Though he was but a mirage, and the Spook continued down

Toward the homes where the Coons lay and snooze

While resting on the mantle are their size 19 shoes

He came to the first house, and robbed them of their chicken without so much as a snag

He stuffed all the fried chicken right into a bag

But the next house wasn't so easy, or cheesy, little Sheri-Loon-Coon awoke to a crash

Who was not more than George Cooney 40 years ago or basically as old as Ash

"Colonel Sanders why are you stealing our chicken"

And old Spooky Sanders thought up a lie and he thought it up quick

"Ah little Sheri Loon Coon, your fried chicken isn't seasoned quite enough"

"I'm just taking it back to my workshop to spice it up, n’stuff"

Sheri Loon Coon was fooled by this fib

And returned to her bed, with her fried chicken bib

The last thing he took was a breast from their fridge

He didn't like chicken, but their sadness tasted good

and then before him appeared ElijahWoon Coon

"One ring to rule them all, and all that stuff, give me the chicken and you will not bluff"

But alas he was a mirage as well, the Chicken was about to go on a dryspell

"All of the coons will see their chicken in HELL!"

It was quarter past dawn

And all the coons still in bed

All the coons still a snooze

When he packed up his Chickensled

Packed it up with their chicken

The seasoning!

The white meat!

The tags!

The tinsel!

Uh...strange chicken he thought, what chicken had tinsel...

The trimmings!

The trappings!

Three thousand feet up

Up the mountain Chicken Summit

He road with his chicken load to the tip-top to dump it!

They're finding out now no chicken is coming, they're just waking up, I know just what they'll do their mouths will hang open a minute or two, no chicken will fall into it

Then all the Coons down in Coonville will cry, boohoo, that was a noise

The spook really must hear!

So he paused and put his hand to his ear

But he heard not crying, not pouting about

All the coons in Coonville joined hands and sung!

He stared down at Coonville and dropped his eyes

Then he shook, it t’was quite a surprise

Every Coon down In Coonville the tall and Jamal, was singing!

Without any chicken at all!

He hadn't stop Chickenmas from coming! It came!

Without the chicken, grape drink or all, but the spirit was the same

The spook stood with his feet in the snow

Puzzling and puzzling

Then the Spook thought of something he never did before!

Maybe Chickenmas doesn't come from KFC, but means something more!

And what happened then?

Well in Coonville they say the Spook’s small KFC bucket expanded three sizes that day.

To a family bucket size.

His Chicken didn't feel so tight he whizzed with his load into a bright morning light!

And he brought back the chicken, grapedrink and all, to the coons of Coonville

With the feast food back, the feast was now had

In attendance was all the Coons of Coonville, Sheri Loon Coon, Jamal Harpoon Coon

And he himself!

Carved The rare Roastcoon Beast

© Copyright 2020 Barganted. All rights reserved.

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