Cliche: An Accident Waiting to Happen

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is the first peice of comedy I ever wrote.

Submitted: September 18, 2006

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Submitted: September 18, 2006

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Cliché:
An Accident Waiting to Happen

By

Barry N. Davidson

Once upon a time, in the grand scheme of things, a man came forth. Conceived in liberty, and born to greatness. He viewed his life as the blind leading the blind. No more would he sit like a lump on a log, twiddling his thumbs, while life passed him by.

Naked as a jaybird, I decided to follow my heart. I knew that somewhere, far far away, I'd find my Miss Right. So I took my medicine, swallowed my pride, and flew the coop. I was on my way where the rubber meets the road. I wasn't going to let the sun set on me, or rain on my parade.

Little did I know that down on the range, the sum of all evil lurked in the shadows. He had decided that I was the perfect reason to rise to the occasion and prove his manhood. His plan was simple. He'd go with the flow until he had caught the scent of my trail. Then he would jump on the bandwagon and head me off at the pass.

Killing two birds with one stone, I decided to stop in town for supplies. I was full of piss and vinegar as I walked into town at high noon. I knew I should quit while I was ahead, but I threw caution to the wind, and decided to tempt fate a second time. I didn't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of, but I didn't let that dampen my spirits.

Before reaching the general store, I saw a face that made me stop dead in my tracks, a face painted by angels. I felt that I should be her knight in shining armor, while sweeping her off her feet, so we could ride off into the sunset. She could definitely eat crackers in my bed anytime she wanted.

She was as down home as mom and apple pie. Her beauty was as right as rain, and I hoped beyond hope that her beauty was more than just skin deep. It was too late as I pondered the question. I had already fallen head-over-heels in love with her.

With kid gloves, I approached her, all puffed up and cock-sure of myself. I was aiming for a moment in eternity, when we first met, but before I reached her, He intercepted me.

He was drunk as a skunk, and had a glimmer of madness in his eyes. He knew not to count his chickens before they hatched, so he started a full-court press towards me.

I just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. My legs felt like noodles, and I wanted to run like crap through a goose. I just knew that my long walk off a short pier was at an end. I was probably going to be pushing up daisies in the next few minutes, but I stood my ground.

"Go ahead, make my day," I said, with courage of conviction

I saw the gun, as if in slow motion, as it came up in his hand as fast as lightning. He smiled like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar.

BOOM!

The End


© Copyright 2018 Barry N Davidson. All rights reserved.

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