On The Middle Passage

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Historical Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

So were learning about the slave trade and "The Middle Passage" (a slave trade route in the Atlantic around the 1500's to the 1900's I believe) in World History, and I was inspired to write this one, a very very short story about a person who was taken from their home land and forced to be a slave.

The irking 7 week long boat ride through the ocean is a memory not soon to be forgotten. Although I was only one of many African slaves enduring the disturbing voyage through the middle passage it felt as if I was the only one—by myself.
They took me by the barrel of guns, and the edge of swords from my land, and forced me on their ship of malace, with floors and walls cloaked with the reeking waste of others before me—mucous, vomit, urine, and deadly smells, after seeing that, I knew I had a hard time ahead of me. Resisting, they pushed me down and chained me by my brothers, sisters, friends, and enemies. 
I saw things which can’t be described by such a limited vocabulary. So horrid people found it better to rest at the bottom of the sea then to continue, some starved themselves by resisting the already small rations of food.
By the time we were out of the ship, we were pushed, and pushed to walk miles to our new lives, lives as slaves.


Submitted: March 09, 2010

© Copyright 2020 Baruch HaShem. All rights reserved.

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Comments

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Etherial

I think you have an excellent imagination of what it would have been like at the time. Great job there. :)

Just a small reminder that anytime you have numbers in a formal piece of writing, if the number is 10 and under, it`s WRITTEN. So ten, nine, SEVEN, etc. ;)

Also, remember to SHOW your story, don`t TELL it. If you don`t know what this means, research it on Google.

However, I`ll give you an example. The IRKING voyage - you tell us it`s irking. How about SHOWING the reader? Show the rats waking up the character in the middle of the night. Show the aches and pains of not having enough room. Things like this. :) It doesn`t have to be a long, winded description. Simple is often most effective. However, it does need to SHOW the reader why something is irksome. Probably, you won`t even need to use the word irksome or any synonym of it. :)

Thu, March 11th, 2010 6:26pm

Author
Reply

thanks for the comment and help--I appreciate. YOu sound like a very educated writter.

Fri, March 12th, 2010 5:11pm

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Sambelini

Very good detail of the terrible ride. I found it easy to imagine the setting but difficult to imagine the characters. I believe more depth could be added with the thoughts and feelings of the main character. This would allow the reader to relate to them - this slave is a human too, just like us, with a name and thoughts and feelings. Otherwise, this is a very good, though very short, story. Great job!

Sat, March 20th, 2010 6:32pm

Author
Reply

Muchas gracias for the praise and help! Although I'm not too motivated to fix any of it, I'm still thankfull for the wisdom which I'll use in some other work! (:

Tue, March 23rd, 2010 5:16pm

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Shellie Burg

Very good story. Gives a very real picture of something that most of your readers will(thankfully) never experience first hand.

Wed, September 8th, 2010 10:28am

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pdlodge

It reads sort of like a poem. Very good.

Mon, May 14th, 2012 5:06pm

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