Pleasantly autistic

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
On of my worst days, and basicly the day i realised that
i was most likely autistic...

my parents had painted the doors white, the house was a
mess and i was freaking out about it.

Submitted: January 13, 2012

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Submitted: January 13, 2012

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A A A


6:45 The alarm clock goes off, time to start a new day,
a new torture.

Go downstairs, grab some cereal, special K, 
as usual.

Sit on the couch, watch tv, wait till 7:30, 
time to go to the train station,
put in my earbuds, volume on max, 
sealing away the world around me,
making my little world safe again.

I arrive at the station, take the 7:44 train, 
as usual,
sit with the usual people, 
someone different has joined,
not as usual...

Arrive at my destination, meet with my usual friends,
wait till they go, I follow.

Arrive at school, meet other usual friends,
talk about video games and other computer things,
as usual.

Lessons start, teacher teaches, 
gives a test, it's a listening test,
not as usual...

Lunch time, go with usual friends to sit by the river,
eat my lunch package, talk a bit about everything and nothing,
observe their way of acting, try to copy,
they start throwing their satchels around,
someone says "hey, throw his satchel over here!"
I grab it, I throw it,
it falls and a pair of glasses inside breaks.
Why was it ok when they threw it, but not when I did ?

lessons start, nothing special,
school's out, meet with usual friend to go to the train station,
he says he has stuff to do,
not as usual.

heart starts pounding,
hands shaking, everything starts itching,
can't stop tinkering with my skin.

Train arrives, I cycle home,
I arrive, brother already home,
he sits on my spot on the couch,
not like usual,
"that's my spot, let me sit there",
he moves, I sit, the damage already done.

Pants won't stop feeling unusual, sweat dripping down,
wet clothes feel unfamiliar, 
heart racing, hands shaking, thoughts swarming,
I need my computer, I rush upstairs.



The doors... they were brown,

they're white now, they should be brown,

why are they white?

Why are they different?

Why is everything different?

Why?

Why!?

WHY!?


I need my computer, I rush to my room,
computer there, 
as usual,
start up, input password,
starting up, welcome screen, 
as usual.

Windows updating, do not turn off system.
Not as usual.
Google chrome encountered an error, try again later.
Not as usual!
Call of Duty Black Ops encountered an error, shutting down.
NOT AS USUAL!



I'm lying in my bed, earbuds shielding me from the world,
computer thrashed, pillow ripped, door broken,
rise against shouting in my ears,
as usual.


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