PTSD - Flash Fiction

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A lone soldier is suffering from PTSD. What fate awaits him?

Submitted: April 05, 2012

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Submitted: April 05, 2012

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PTSD
 
So much, the blood...the deaths.  What is my destiny? My fate. Why am I here?  What is my purpose?  Was I born to kill?  Here I am not much more than a tool.  The people in chare, the 'higher ups', play God, creating and ending lives as they see fit.  I'm a part of a large group of integrated weapons they call...marines.  Do I have a purpose?  Am I born to be a weapon for those in charge.  What is my destiny?  The deaths of many caused by the blood on my hands.  They had dreams, they had goals, they had family and friends.  What right do I have to end everything they've ever known?  Who am I to erase another human being from existence.  
 
I then clutch the throbbing pain in my chest as tears stream down my face.  Why does it hurt so much?  I'm a soldier, a marine!  i can't have these feelings.  Emotions...NO! Those are for the weak.  I am strong! I can't feel this way.  Anger filled me, followed by extreme sorrow...Why does it hurt so much?
I loaded the ammunition of my M16 Assault Rifle.  Anxiety started as my heart raced...fear.  I laughed at the thought.  This isn't fear.  I'm excited! I conquered fear.  Fear is for the weak!  This is excitement.  Another's fate awaits at the end of my bullet.  The same cycle every time.  The fear that maybe my life will end here.  The excitement, the adrenaline rush I have when I send a 3 round burst to my opponents skull.  And then...the unexplainable pshycological torture in my head after I end another's life.
 
We've arrived.  I quickly pushed my thoughts to the side.  Excitement.  I smile, hysterically.  My smile turns into cynical laughter.  Everyone else in the crew is panicing, scared to death.  The helicopter shakes, red smoke fills the air, i inhale enjoying this moment.  This only comes once in a lifetime, you know.  Explosions...I love explosions.  And just like the end of a movie my eyes fade into black.  I smile...This is the end.


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