Can you feel that?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
The girl that is hurting.

Submitted: October 18, 2011

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Submitted: October 18, 2011

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Can you feel that?

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"There’s a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there’s nothing I can say to make her feel all right'

 

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated"

- Lamartine

 

 

Can you feel that?

Can you feel that? The wind blowing through my hair, can you feel that the rain touching my tongue, can you feel that? Where your hand and mine used to be one.
I used to believe in true love, it used to always be a fantasy to me, Always thought I was the princess on the white horse, just like Taylor Swift, always thought I would be running down the staircase of the most beautiful castle into the arms of my true love.
I always thought, it was you. That you were my true love, but I guess I was wrong.. well I always felt the love, but then you went and changed it all around, I was stuck here crying. Arms around my own mother making these horrible Hysterical crying noises because of the pain I was going through, Always thought you would be the one.
Can you feel that? The way it felt when you said I love you, can you feel those tingles? The butterflies in my stomach. That is what told me I was in love with you, and that this was meant to be my fairytale ending, I was meant to be with you forever, and we should have been walking down the Aisle, of our wedding singing happily just like we used to do.
Can you feel it though, because whatever this feeling is. It’s just so unreal, I used to feel it so much, but now your drifting away from me, can you feel it? I can feel it’s killing me, my heart is breaking and I don’t want to be free.
I liked being with you, no let me rephrase that. I LOVED BEING WITH YOU! But you just called me and said, “Im sorry, I really am. But I just don’t feel that anymore”
How can you not feel that? Can you feel the tears running down my cheeks, my eyes bursting because I have no choice, I will get you back. I will fight, I’ll try my hardest!
I can’t let you go, I didn’t even get a choice, why? Why can’t you feel that!
Make my heart stop hurting, because if im hurting I want you to be hurting too!
I love you, but what has happened has made me so sad, I want to talk to you! But I just don’t know what to say, what would you say? All I can think of is “can you feel that? It hurts so much.. Its where you left me, in this burning chamber where I don’t feel welcomed or loved anymore, you made this happen... You made the tears, Now please you’re the only one who can take it all away! Take it away, be the best.. be mine? Can’t you feel that?”

Days go on, and the tears are still there. I find this little book that you always loved, and began writing in it, it starts off with “Dear Diary, I had this wonderful amazing guy, who was gone in a heartbeat, why was I so stupid. What did I ever do? I just wish he would come back to me”
I write in that every day, everyday im begging for you! Everyday im needing you, im in love with you! I want to scream it from the roof tops! Because I get my hopes up and I know that you’re not coming back, this idea was all yours, and I swear a few of them helped too.. It broke my heart, I want you. I know I do. You should really read this book, because It should make you cry and hurt like it made me, every time I read it, its all tears over again.

 

I  lay on my bed, talking to my best friend on the phone, we are talking about how sudden this whole thing happened, we had talked a couple of days before aswell, and we were all holding out hope that this day would never come, we just didn’t expect it, it was so wrong, we didn’t know what to do.. we sat on the phone for about 2 hours or so,  just talking about everything and anything, she was pretty disappointed that I had forgotton some memories of mine and hers, because they had been replaced with memories that me and you had made boy, I just want you to know how much I miss you and I love you, so the two of us talked on the phone, talking about what to do. And all the memories, because she says that is the entire are now, I want you so bad I opened my purse and seen all your student ID’s gosh, I loved seeing your face! You’re so amazing and so adorably cute! I just can’t take my eyes off you, so I and she sit there and both cry, as we talk about our feelings and again try not to cry.

It burns my eyes to know that you are gone, it sunk my heart. I just wish you would come back, come back to where you belong you already had your fun out there, and now I want to be strong. I want you to be strong, ive never begged for someone back before, your the only one. And that’s because you actually mean something to me, well its not just something that you mean to me, it’s a whole heap! You mean the world to me! I was reading through saved messages before, wow I have never cried so hard. Never been so scared of loosing someone before, do you really care? I sit there and ask myself, because if you cared wouldn’t you have contacted me by now? Wouldn’t you have tried to do something? I know you said you just don’t feel it anymore, but from those text messages which I did not force you to say, I swear you do still feel it, and because we have been so distant it’s slowly fading away. Im going to message you next week boy, and this I expect a reply. I know you won’t want me back, but a girl can try. You know how much you mean to me, because I told you all the time, I just don’t understand how everything can change with a blink of an eye.. you really need to know, that I was always true to you, always faithful to you, I never did any wrong by you, ive got so many photos, happy times of us.. Yes their all scattered around my bedroom, she thinks I should put them into a box. With everything in them, I read my bracelets like pretty much every day, they sit on my jewellery stand, and I pray that you never did this to me, never hurt me like you said you would never. I never played you, I never lied to you. Ive loved you from exactly day one. I promise you that! We were together for over a year, you’re longest and my longest relationship is it you got scared? Didn’t want to commit anymore? I am going to be completely honest with you; I freaked out a few times I was like wow! Im going to be with this guy forever, but you want to know what Mr! I did want to be with you forever, you comforted that idea for me, I was like yeah! This guy is really something! And if we have been together this long then we are going to be great together, I seen you as the best husband! I saw you as the greatest father, and the most awesome best friend! I lost all of those when you said the words the other night.

Just take it back? Take It all back and know that I love you, gosh I am willing to do anything for you to fall back in love with me again, im writing and im writing, because this is what I want.. but I really want to talk to you, but everyone is telling me to be strong, and not communicate with you for a couple of days, just a few more days and will be telling you exactly how I feel, well maybe.. I’d rather do that face to face! Your jacket! Yes it stares at me all the time and it smells just like you!! I loved your scent, I smell it EVERYWHERE, and it puts me in tears! Do you want to know the honest truth, what im more scared of now, 2 things! Loosing you and not getting you back, because I really want us to be together, like I said ill try and make you fall back in love with me, and also you being with another girl, after you told me just last week I was the only girl for you, and that you want me forever because there is no other girl who is better than me.. Come on, I miss you.

 

 

 


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