Tears from the heart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
When you believe one thing, and it turns out to be a total different thing..
Who do you think you are? Running around leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart, your going to catch a cold.. from the ice inside your soul.

Submitted: October 17, 2011

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Submitted: October 17, 2011

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Tears from the heart </3
By Calida.

Who do you think you are?  Running around leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart, you’re going to catch a cold... From the ice inside your soul.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend... You have been the one.. You have been the one for me...

What happened to our love? I sit here staring at the computer screen asking myself, that stupid face book... it says it right there, this person is now single.. I don’t stalk you, but yes I will check up on all your status, I really did believe you when you said this was going to last forever! When you said you loved me, I believed it... Baby I knew you loved me. I knew it. I could see it in your eyes, in the way you held me... In the way you would cry on my shoulder,

We were together for so long! You said this would never end, how can you fall out of love with me? Just like that? It doesn’t happen overnight, and I really don’t know how you could have done it... I sit here and remember all our dreams together, we were going to grow up together, and spend the rest of our lives together... We were so happy together, all our little goals in life, like go and see your family in the city! And live together and party together and you always told me you would have a rock on my finger... You gave me a gem stone! I was so excited to be engaged to you. But that day never came, I always thought It would in the future, I always thought we would get engaged, get married settle down with children... My gosh you wanted 11 kids! And then you wanted 24 kids! So you could have a football team and a basketball team!

You made me laugh so hard, you made me cry. We were always together... Everyone always said how good we were together! BECAUSE WE WERE! And I knew you seen that, I knew you loved me.. I just sit here and ask myself, why? Why now. Why do you want to be single.. I know why. But can’t you just be committed? Be committed to me like you said you always would be? I sat there and bawled my eyes out for hours on end! We talked on the phone just last week and you said how much you loved me! You cried!! I heard it, I felt it! It made me cry! You knew how upset I was... and then you PROMISED! You promised that we would get back together! That never happened. Because just days later you were breaking up with me. I was going to let you have your break for 2 weeks! I was being a good girlfriend, giving you what you wanted, but the thing is. I was expecting to get the man of my dreams back.

Because I loved you, and you know what... The truth is I still love you.. I cant just stop loving you, it’s impossible.. you want to be friends, I can do that.. of course its going to hurt me, but all I want is you in my life! I am not going to message you straight away! Because I am hurting, and you say maybe one day in life we will get back together.. MAYBE? One day? That is such a long time, and that’s you saying pretty much No we won’t get back together...

You know I thought a break would be good, you know for just two weeks, because you once again promised me it would make our relationship a whole heap better! I don’t know what hurt more... The fact that you lied to me? Or the fact that you dumped me?

I just don’t understand, I really don’t... How you could be so happy when you’re with me, but when you’re away from me... You’re just so not happy? Like that doesn’t work? It’s like I am the one that makes you happy..? I am your longest relationship! I was so happy! You made me so happy! Now all I do is cry over you, I can’t even sleep because I’ll be in a great sleep... Not dreaming at all, and then BAM! You pop up in my head, and all I do is lay there and cry my eyes out... Every time I think about you I cry now, because I wish you were here with me! Can you hear me crying? Can you see my heart breaking?

I lay in bed, and I look through photos. I go through my mind. I have this whole memory list pretty much in my mind with you in it, because I love you, you weren’t just my boyfriend! You were my best friend, you were just always there for me, I was always there for you too! When we were sleeping next to each other and I got scared from a bad dream I would wake up and pull myself closer to you, because you’re the one that made me feel safe, you made me feel protected.

I remember all the laughs, or the times we cried, all the times we stayed up all night and just talked and did things we shouldn’t have been doing! Hehe: P and then we slept all day the next day, and you would miss your bus because of how long we slept! Hehe and so mum would have to drive you all the way home! I never tied you down, I let you do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted, we used to go out for tea and lunch all the time, we used to go to the cinema all the time, we used to just chill at my house or at your house. It was fun, we had the best times together and you would ALWAYS be smiling, and then when we watched movies and then reacted them ! ROLEMODELS! <3 hehe! Aw it was just so good, and I don’t know how you could just throw them all away like that? I don’t know how you can just throw away 14 months? Especially when you loved it too.

Ive been working for so long, it seems like pain is my only friend. Im wondering if ill ever heal again? My fragile heart has been done so wrong; I’ll break these chains that bind me... Happiness will find me; leave the past behind me... Today my life begins a whole new world is waiting; it’s my final taking I know I can make it.

 

You know I want you, you know I do.. I tell you! Ive told you for 14 months.. I have always said you’re the one and only one that I will love forever, you don’t realise when I said that I actually meant it, I wasn’t lying! I never lied to you, I never cheated on you. I wore your heart in mine and around my wrist, I can’t even look at my bracelets anymore that you gave me, because one of them say “I love you” and do you? Do you really love me? If you loved me, you wouldn’t have ever hurt me, you would still be here... you would always be here for me like im always there for you, I was so scared of loosing you, I can’t even remember how many times I told you on how much I loved you and how much I missed you, and how much life would be different without you.. It just sucks, it’s not fair. I didn’t even get a say in it! Like OH MY GOSH! It just makes me so angry... but if you come back saying you miss me, and that you love me, of course you know im going to take you back, but I know that you won’t come back, that’s what hurts. I always thought we would be together, always thought you would love me, always thought you would be my best friend!

It hurts because, I have been through so much this year, and you were always by my side, in most things. Ive lost so many friendships because of dramas and stuff that happen, and you always stuck by my side.. of course you know ive been hurting, and you said we would spend Christmas and new years together! Come on, you know I want you. So how about you have a break and then come back to me? Or is that too hard for you because you love to party, you don’t want to be tied down, you don’t want to be in a relationship, I just wish you were still saying forever.

I never ever thought this would come to an end, im still wishing you were coming back, the night we broke up, Well you broke up with me. I left my window open, not really noticing that I had done that, but hoping in a way that you would come in through it, and hold me tight and just tell me that this is all a bad nightmare, because it doesn’t feel real! It really doesn’t, it just feels like a nightmare. I just want you back, so please. Do what you have to do, and then come back?

Im going to be sitting here, wishing that you are missing me as much as im missing you, and that you love me as much as I love you, but I have to keep my mind occupied, and concentrated on something else, until you do realise that, but I know that you won’t. Ugh it’s just so hard and confusing, because I can’t stop this from happening, I can’t do anything :/ as much as I try.

All I can say though is, I love you.

 

 

 


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