Life as I know it. (unfinished)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Personal Finance  |  House: Booksie Classic
I decided to write a very short book based around my blog " Life as i know it". I have literally not even completed two chapters due to it being so late, but I would love some feedback.. Basically I want to see if its worth continuing the story. Its based on true events, the broken down version reflects in my poetry work.

Feedback, Follow and Have a nice day.

Submitted: July 01, 2015

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Submitted: July 01, 2015

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Life as I know it.

 

Chapter one:  “Dear Christopher”.

What was it like to lose you?

“Devastating” only describes the blunt numbness, the over bearing shock. It was unbelievably hard to understand the realty of death, when you where someone so beautiful and courageous inside and out.

It killed me immediately knowing I would never see you again, but somehow I managed to mask the feelings better than i could ever imagine. It wasn’t easy, I spent two years of my life after you passed away thinking that it was all impossible to have happened and that really... you would be coming home before I knew it.  What made it difficult is that I had a routine, we spoke everyday – I could even recite our last conversations but it breaks my heart because the happier memories are drowned by depression.

Am I ashamed?

No, I can admit that it was the most difficult, horrendous year of my life. Every day I was living to survive another day, not sure if I was capable of holding on any longer, without you. I kept saying to myself that I could do this; I could overcome the doubt of others.  I secretly became so depressed that i would cry endlessly, I couldn’t speak without breaking down. My heart was broken, cold. I felt so lonely even though I was surrounded by a mass of people. But none of that could even fill the emptiness that I feel until this day.  If I was honest to myself, then I should have just screamed and shouted as loud and freely as I could because I wasn’t fine, I wasn’t coping. Life for the last two years became a blip, unconsciously living.

The worst part of the nightmare was waking up. It has been a struggle; there have been days where I’ve felt like I’m suffocating – nothing could hit me harder than the fall. They say time heals, but maybe that is an easier concept for others, we all silently suffer.

So, in reality.. My motivation is justice. The moral concept of having to fight for answers it ridiculous. Why, when we die.. Are we no longer classed as human? What happened to our rights or does that not matter because we no longer live and pay into the world’s greed. Is it wrong to care and love someone so much that even when they are gone you would fight until your last breath to ensure that they know you will go to the end of the world just for them?  Just like I will fight for the answers and closure on behalf of my rock, my life... because that is what life is all about. LOVE.

 

Chapter two:  “Where it all began”.

It was summer, 2009. I met this boy, young and fearless but mostly comically perfect. Every word had me mesmerised. Even the sarcasm and blunt words didn’t stop me falling in love with him every single day. For the first time in a long time, I felt happy. I began to grown out my pre- self conscious stage. He just about saved my life, in fact he did save my life in ways that I am forever grateful for. After a few nights of going out walks, and talking endlessly about the past and our previous, “I love you” moments, we became close but hesitant. It wasn’t even a friendship, we clicked instantly but I was very shy, living up to this confident girl persona. It wasn’t me in reality, but I eventually did become that girl. So we chatted, went around in the same group of friends, and suddenly had more things in common than we thought.

Some times i felt like i wasn’t getting his attention much, it was as though I couldn’t read his mind. But then again, he couldn’t read mine. Funny thing about love, it makes you do crazy things. So ambitious me would start conversations about silly topics... living up to the legally blonde personal joke. “Why” questions began escaping from my mouth. I must have looked very uneducated but it made him laugh, sometimes the questions were genuine, and they do say laughter is the best way to a man’s heart.

Eventually after a lot of childish flirting and giggly teenage moments, he finally made his move. Was quiet romantic and timed well. But I had the severe case of butterflies ever. From that day, I’ve loved him more than I could ever explain.  Endless movie nights, mostly repeats of his favourite films, was never really a shared choice, He didn’t like my taste in girly movies. Apparently they weren’t appealing.. Who doesn’t like musicals and soppy love stories? 


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