The Voice - By BekahBoo

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
A teenage girl goes to a party, which turns bad. She goes outside to get away, only to find that she isnt really "alone".

Submitted: December 03, 2007

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Submitted: December 03, 2007

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The Voice

 

I run down the stairs, doing my best not to step on people passed out on the steps, or the couples making out on the floor. Pushing my way through the crowds of people, I pass through the kitchen and sneak out through the back door.

Once the door closes, the noise subsides into a muffled garble. It becomes pleasantly quiet, but I don’t get to appreciate it because my head is swimming. I stand there in the cold with no jacket, just the clothes I wore to the party. I look up at the light above the door, which barely gives off any light whatsoever.

I tug at my shirt, pulling it back down over my belt. I realize that I never put my shoes on. But I don’t care; I won’t go back in there. I look around me, trying to understand where I was. There’s a parking lot behind the house, which is shared with the apartment complexes next door. And passed the parking lot are the woods. I stare at the woods. They have this friendly look to them, almost as if they were inviting me in.

There’s a sound of shattering glass and laughter inside. I scoff at them under my breath. No one in there is acting like themselves. They’re all being jerks, especially me. I can still feel the buzz; I hate it. I’m never doing this again.

I wrap my arms around myself as I walk over to the concrete steps and sit down. It’s snowing, but there’s nowhere for me to shield myself from it. I take a deep breath. I need to calm down.

Clouds of white smoke pour out of my mouth as I exhale. They dance around in the slow wind, then slowly disappear; leaving me feeling like I just lost something dear to me.

My body shivered as snow fell all around, covering me in a blanket of whiteness. I look to the sky, but there’s no twilight; the clouds block the stars like a brick wall that can’t be passed. The lights from the city reflect on them, causing a yellow-brown sky. I watch the snow fall, silently screaming as it nears the ground. It’s mesmerizing to watch.

Another cloud of smoke flies from my mouth. It, too, disappears. My mind, for once, is completely blank. It feels so nice—but it only lasts a moment. Then that feeling comes leaking in again, like all is lost, all is for nothing. That feeling of complete emptiness, loneliness…

My throat closes up; my chin quivers as pressure behind my eyes builds up, to the point where it hurts. I can’t breath well anymore; my whole body feels constricted, like I’m in a box that’s too small.

I want to yell for help, for someone to at least be with me, but I can’t. My body won’t allow it. Giant tears stream down my face, falling into my hands. Minutes pass by, and I just get colder. But time, to me, seems to stand still as if I’m the only thing there, and time no longer matters. When I open my eyes, all I see is darkness all around me. There’s not a single ray of light. And for the first time in my life, I’m scared of being in the dark. This darkness is different from the kind I sleep in, or even play in. This darkness has claws that swipe at me, trying to make me one with it. I fight it, but it just gets worse. I shut my eyes again, hoping it’ll all go away.

I can’t stop thinking about it. How I showed up at the party and got drunk like everyone else. How the man came up to me once I was wired and flirted. How I flirted back. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him. He’s like twice my age. Gross. I shiver just thinking about it.

My mind suddenly replays it all, my heart pounds. How he led me upstairs, just to "listen to music". How it turned bad the moment we entered the room. How he tore off my shirt, leaving me half naked, standing there in shock of what was happening. How he grabbed at me and kissed me. How I tried to stop him, but was too weak. He grabbed at my belt, but I grabbed a picture frame from over my head and smashed it on his. It gave me just enough time to grab my shirt and dash out of there. And now I find myself out here. I still can’t believe what happened; what almost happened. I don’t think my heart will ever slow down.

I open my eyes, but the darkness is still there.

I grab at my face, screaming in pain while the darkness laughs at me, laughs at the way I struggle, at how pathetic I really am. I squeeze my eyes shut, in the hopes that it all goes away.

It doesn’t.

A hand grabs my shoulder. I’m startled, but only for a moment. There’s something warm about this hand. I can feel a calming entity seeping through it, and into my body, which instantly becomes warm. I love it, but at the same time, it frightens me. It frightens me so much that I can’t even look up at whoever owns the hand. And yet, if it were removed, I’d feel as if I’d fall back into the dark abyss.

It speaks, and the voice sounds so amazing; I wonder if I’m dreaming it. It’s perfect in every way. Like a song that spurs a fire in me. I long to hear it again.

"Why are you crying?" it asks.

I take a moment to pull myself together, so I can talk— keeping my face in my hands, eyes shut tight.

"My life is all wrong. I didn’t plan for any of this," I answer it.

I open my eyes, staring down at my arm, noticing nothing but the blanket of snow that was once on me, gone—melted away—yet my skin is dry. It is still snowing, but every time a snowflake lands, it melts, without leaving a wet spot. I close my eyes again.

"Plan for what?"

There goes that voice again; still singing in my ears even after it stopped. I think hard for an answer that doesn’t sound stupid.

"I didn’t plan for my life to be this way. I never wanted to do any of this. I don’t deserve this pain."

Even as I said it, I felt just as I had tried not to sound—stupid. But that hand…it comforted me so much…

"And why don’t you deserve it?"

I began to feel selfish, yet in my mind I tried to justify it.

"I didn’t do any of this on purpose. I’m a good kid. My life is all wrong. "

I wipe away my tears, still keeping my eyes shut. I can taste the salt from my tears on my lips.

" What do you think you deserve?" Oh, that voice…

It stopped snowing, or at least I could no longer feel the snow touch my skin. I could only sense the hand on my shoulder. I sat for moment, contemplating on an answer.

"I don’t know, anything but this. Good people deserve good lives. I tried not to mess up. I deserve better than this."

The hand rubbed my back, in a way that reminded me of my mother, comforting me after I had hurt myself—Comforting me the same way someone who loved you would.

"Oh, I see. Well tell me, what have you done?"

I clamp my mouth shut. I don admit to anything. For I know the moment I do, it’ll become real. The hand still rubs my back soothingly.

"If you have done nothing wrong, then why are you out here crying?"

I turn my head away, and he moment I do that, the hand stops. I suddenly feel a loss of love that the hand had provided as it massaged my back. Again, though, I refuse to answer.

"How can someone be helped if they refuse to say what’s wrong?"

I feel a fire burning, but this fire is different. It’s a fire of rage. I can feel my heart racing, and with hostility, I answer the voice.

"Because I didn’t do anything wrong! I was the victim!"

The hand doesn’t move. It doesn’t tense up, it stays completely calm.

"You partook in the events, did you not?"

I get mad at the voice. He didn’t say it rudely, yet I can’t help but feel angry. Like all my problems are directly related to this hand; it’s entirely hand’s fault.

"Go away, I don’t need your help."

The hand leaves my body, and once again I feel as if I’m falling into the darkness. I cry out for the hand, begging for it to come back, but it doesn’t. I can see the claws of darkness moving beneath me with outstretched arms, ready for the first moment to grab me and pull me down.

I only hear that voice. That wonderful voice…

"I know when someone needs help. And many people have tried to help you, but you’ve turned them away."

The rage is overflowing now. I can’t stop it from pouring out.

"Stop it! When has anyone helped me? Where was someone ten minutes ago? I needed help more than ever back there, and no one came to help me! Screw you! You’ve never helped me, so why start now!"

I could feel the bite of the cold air again. I could feel every snowflake hitting my skin. The taste of salt reached my lips, but this time it was bitter.

I felt a breath of warmth on my face as the hand took hold of mine, touching it so tenderly.

"I’ve always been there. I’ve always been there, waiting for you, watching you. You’ve just never looked for me."

And with that the hand disappeared and all warmth and happiness left my body. I quickly opened my eyes, but there was no one there. I looked up and down the parking lot, trying to see who spoke to me, but there was no one. A feeling of shame and longing filled my heart. Once again, I had missed something big, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

As I sat there, I watched clouds of smoke fly from my mouth and dance as they vanished into the night air….


© Copyright 2017 BekahBoo. All rights reserved.

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