Hollywood Horror Life

Hollywood Horror Life

If life were a horror film
We’d all have to live
In a deserted house
Or move to it
In a deserted town
As all other places would have been
Well and truly zombie-fied
We would have to discover
Some ancient artefact
And despite all evidence to the contrary
Would have to play with it
At night, alone, or perhaps
With one or two friends or lovers
In a darkened room, or
A place where lights don’t seem to work
And the weather will have to be
Dark, with thunder and lightning
While we dine with pride
On fear and garlic
Remembering only too late
To grab our stakes and silver bullets
It helps to escape of course
And to drive to some remote town
Or a Bates motel
Or a home for cannibals
Or a haunted house
While you’re planning the ultimate
Romantic evening
If life were a horror film
You’d know fully well that
When there’s danger, you run to it
It has to be investigated
Cos the cops are all morons
Or your spouse needs evidence
And you’re sure to give it to them
Come what may
Even if it means your body
Not snuggled up in bed
But with your arms here
And your legs there
With a sprinkling of blood
Around your head
Goodnight
Don't let the bedbugs bite!