The Problems with Online Dating Part 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
The search for love in cyberspace....now you see me, now you see my avatar...now you don't - even hear from me...

Submitted: July 18, 2015

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Submitted: July 18, 2015

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Dear Readers,

A friend of mine asked me to try the online dating scene.

I suppose she thought that the idea of me going to a club, and mingling with women half my age or less would be akin to a pensioner skateboarding. Might be fun, but oh my god, would it look ridiculous!

Let me take you on a journey into the world of online dating. Part fact, part experience, all rant.

It wasn't quite what I was expecting.

I think I have sussed out one of the problems with online dating. The distance. In actual fact, on some other websites, some of the best - or at least most suitable candidates - live on another continent. Fine, but given that the last time I looked in the mirror, Eddie Murphy or Bill Gates wasn't staring back at me, I don't think that a transatlantic relationship is likely to happen anytime soon. That said, I'm sure some of them live on another planet!

Anyway, just to ensure that I'm not deluded about long distance relationships, there's always my bank balance statement to scream the reality of my situation. Basically it smiles, shakes it's head and says to me, "you're kidding right? Take another look. Please. How many zeros can you see? Still want that transatlantic adventure?"

So I look away, not quite believing the figure staring back at me. I could've sworn I've been working and just got paid!  And just to be doubly sure, I check the statement again. This time, the statement is wagging a finger, "don't even go there. You sure you want to do this? See, that's what you got, you ain't won the lottery, and you can stare all you like, but you're not Houdini, and you ain't gonna get more noughts magically appear. But hey, keep looking. Suffering is good for the soul" .

At which point, another voice usually says something to the effect of, "oh crap!" And the illusion of having more money in my bank account goes somewhere to die a painful death.

Then I noticed another problem with the online dating adventure. You contact people, and then they contact you a week or two later, with some tiny, uninteresting remark. Then another two or three weeks of silence goes by before the next communication on their part. By the time you've eventually had a decent conversation, you'd probably have read through half the volume of War and Peace. Wonder why they are still single? Hmm......

There is something else though. I saw a profile of a young blonde lady recently. Turned out to be a man! No just kidding. In actual fact, this person had blue eyes, model looks - you know the type. Then I decided to read the profile. Guess what it said. Black African! Well, I'm African too, so that's excellent really. It's just the principle, though. Can you imagine? On my profile, I send a picture of a chap who looks like...well, let's say George Clooney or Brad Pitt, or the latest Hollywood heartthrob. Then I show up at a date! What exactly am I supposed to say to my date, who has spent hours, perhaps, on makeup and in anticipation of a good time. "Sorry love, George, couldn't make it, so he sent me instead!" REALLY? What are these people thinking! You can't even trust the picture! What else can I say? "Well, sweetheart, that was me ten years ago, and since that time, I've had a serious tan, and decided to grow an Afro!" REALLY!!!

Apart from that, life's hunky dory. (Well, you just gotta laugh, don't you?)


© Copyright 2020 Ben Kal. All rights reserved.

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