Hopping through waterloo

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A morning stroll goes terribly wrong.

Submitted: October 18, 2013

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Submitted: October 18, 2013



I was on my way back from a delightful stroll, when I chanced upon some of my most peculiar and life threatening experiences yet. It was a good stroll, not the greatest, but adequate. It was also one of my longest strolls, being a particularly sunny day; I decided to venture a little further than usual. On my way back, I had two options on which course  I should take. The same way I came ,or the short way, which cut through the forest, on too a big wide green plain, with a peculiarly situated steep hill, and over that hill, that oh so sweet presence of home. I needn’t tell you which course I took, I decided to hurry up and get myself home as soon as can be, hunger is a dreadful thing when it is self inflicted. As I hurried across the forest, and came nearer to the big plain, I began to hear and see the strangest things, mainly sounds which did not seem to make any coherent sense. As I’ve said it was a splendidly sunny day that morning, yet the sound of thunder could be heard. Not your usual thunder however, it seemed to grow in frequency as i approached the plain, and every crack was heard in a rapid succession, as if the heavens were warring it out over closet space. I had my suspicions on the cause of this, yet my keen sense of empiricism withheld judgement until I could see for myself.

My suspicions were to be proven right just a moment after approaching the edge of the forest, and nearing the great plain. I knew it, it was those long standing ape like creatures, humans my father called, and warned me never to go near them. His wise words on them ‘wherever there is a mishmash of unnatural sight and sounds, there is a human to be found ‘. Despite the grumblings of my father, and apathy of my dear mother on the human subject, I was always fascinated with these creatures. Ugly as sin, tall for no apparent reason, strange wavy rubber like hands, and hairless except on the top of their heads: how they kept warm at night I haven’t the slightest, those leather things they sholted on their bodies didn’t seem to add much.  Yet despite these flaws, and they were massive flaws, they seemed more free, more serine, more natural than us simple cajoling mice. As I looked on to the plain , great bands of smoke rose up and melted into the thin blue sky ,while other bands of smoke replaced them, with each band of smoke , loud bangs erupted , the very same as those thundering noises. Yet, all this drama of smoke and noise was coming out of mere sticks. They pointed these sticks at one and other, and BANG , smoke and noise ,and one of them would  fall down, as if struck by an giant invincible fox of some sort. I noticed also, that there seemed to be 3 separate teams, the  blue ones stayed with one and other, while the red and green pointed their sticks at the blue. The red and green seemed to be together, yet were separated, they seemed to have similar enemies, they all hated the blues: the faces they made, ugh, would make poor mamma squirm in her nest.

As much as I enjoyed watching these humans roar and fight over god knows what, my belly was aching for food, particularly the food my beautiful Viona was making. I could smell her cooking from here, atleast i thought I did, it could have been an illusion of some sort, elicited by that awful putrid smell coming from those humans and their smoking thundering sticks. I decided that enough time was wasted idly watching, and action had to be made in order to get myself home. Hopping straight through the plain was impossible, with all these humans squabbling; it would only be a matter of time before one of those big feet would come crashing on top of my fragile skull. Going back was also out of the question ,as I am someone with very little patience, especially when my stomach is cooperating with my cognitive senses and commands, the only option was to go round the plain’s edges , and try to stay out of the humans sights , which seemed easy, they were preoccupied with themselves and their sticks. I quickly ran for the nearest shrubbery, which was of in the distance, possibly 300 paws away. I ran as fast as I could and by and by made it to the little green shrubbery, safe from prying human eyes. It was however situated in awkward position, just a little distance away from one of those big white trees of some sort, which the humans are going in and out of.  After some rapid processing of the situation, I came to the conclusion that my decision to hide in the shrubbery was a bad one, and would probably get me killed out of pure malice or eaten for digestive reasons. 

I was stuck: I had nowhere to go , I couldn’t continue on my course through the field because the humans were out and about more than I’d anticipated, and going back was also impossible , the humans were there too.  My options were limited , either stay in the shrubbery and wait for things to calm down ,or run like my tail is on fire through the cascade of human boots and stamps towards probable safety. As I’ve said earlier, I was hungry and therefore irrational, I decided to run. I took a deep husky breath and took off , racing out of the shrubbery as fast I could , running past feet and sticks and big boxes , I noticed that the feet were getting more and more packed , as if a gathering was happening. These feet and the necessary manoeuvres I had to take in order to avoid detection, forced me into one of those big white trees. I quickly managed to sneak in, and hide in a dark box in corner. I was scared, for the first time in my life I was really terrified. Here I was, a little hungry rodent far away from safety, and further away from  home. I tried to relax, breathing in and out like my mama taught me: if you get in a situation you can’t get out of, just breathe in and out for a while, and so I did.

After taking control of my breathing patterns, I peeked out of the corner and tried to familiarize myself with the place, in order to find an escape. I noticed the humans were really much too busy to notice me; they were haranguing each other, with them leaving and others taking their place in shouting. It all centred around one particular man though, he seemed to be the pack leader of some sort, and they all listened to him, never interrupting when he was speaking.  Due to my position and the vast amount of people around him, I could only catch his right side. His features weren’t particularly striking: small nose, less than usual hair on the head, average height, and a higher pitched voice than those around him. He seemed to be commanding them about something, something serious, they all listened diligently. At this point I was growing more and more restless, I found myself again stuck, and decided to venture an escape. Unfortunately before I even got as far as the leg table, darkness enveloped me, and swallowed me, curtailing myself in a state of utter panic and disillusion, not to mention pure nausea. I had no idea what had happened, I only knew that I was stuck within an elliptical boundary wall, with no chance of breaking through. No matter how hard I struck my body against the wall , no matter how hard I screeched and clawed it ,nothing came of it , it was impossible.

After this realisation I settled myself, and started to contemplate and reflect upon my actions leading up towards this impending doom – which I suspected this undoubtedly would be. I should have never strayed off course and taken that shortcut, in fact why did I leave the burrow in the first place , it wasn’t that nice of a day. I knew that the reason I left was because of this dreadful feeling that would be offset by the lack of any exercise or productive activity performed in the morning, this feeling became a case of continuous depressive bombardment of my senses in order to commit myself to some exercises.  Well no matter , that was then and history will forever be untouched in its course, no matter the significance of its events.

Death loomed into my thoughts, like a praying snake it enveloped me and decried my life, further envisaging its purpose. Would my death be painful, slow or quick, reflective or violent?No matter, I thought , if it desired me , then here I was , with open chest ready for it take me onto its dark bosom and  carry me away to that all eternal night. But I was unconvinced this death thing or whatever it may be, fitted my romantic visions of it; its murky darkness, its hoodlommed prisoners and savages.  I was still terrified of it, though accepting, yet unconvinced as to what it was according to my mind.  My great grandfather told me it was a dreamless sleep, a sleep that is unending and peaceful, no longer interfering with a unconscious or conscious being, perfect silence. I’m not sure this is correct, or if it is, as pleasurable as my great grandfather makes it seem. Isn’t one of the main criteria which defines sleep, the fact that one wakes up. Sleep itself cannot be described as pleasurable; it is only the waking after that is pleasant, feeling refreshed and ready to begin the day. It seems a waste, to be perfectly motionless , without thought or feelings , time no longer has a meaning , there is no now , yesterday , tomorrow , or then.  No it could not be that, it is way too sterile, too dull, and lacklustre of the delightful experience that is living. My father believed it too be a destiny, death being a place where one goes, after this life has ended. Where this place was, he didn’t know, he did think it would reflect the contents of your soul; a pleasant soul would inhabit a place that reflected its merry disposition, with other lovely souls. A wicked person would go to a place where this also reflected its dark character, like a mirror, it showed ones true nature. Being someone with somewhat encouraging characteristic in regards to this particular outcome, I could foresee an afterlife with other joyous creatures like myself, yet struggle to see what one actually does in this bright green oasis ;eat and drink for eternity ? Doesn’t boredom kick sooner than later, eternity is a long time, in fact it is no time at all, it stretches in a loop that has neither beginning nor end.  No... , too convenient; too live forever, without goals, without any ladder that improves ones happiness or misery. Isn’t the limit of time, the one that ultimately influences us and drives us, for there to be no limit, means there being no rush in performing any action, why do something now when you can prolong it till tomorrow, or hell till the next lunar eclipse.  Life would consist of idle leisure, with nothing of any significance happening.

I felt dizzy, all that philosophizing was hurting my head, worrying me, it seemed that this death business was causing me to be more and more concerned with leaving behind a legacy; no matter its insignificance and pitiful scale.  I never cared about such obscene matters as legacy’s , yet I found myself now caring about what others might perceive of me after my death. What will my wife  think of me , my friends, my now senile parents , in what light will they see me in ? How pitiful this all is, to die in this cage or whatever it is, no, worse to die by the hands of a human, the same creature I just empathetically perceived being free.  Oh the irony, it makes fools of us all.  But what would I have done differently?  Well for one thing, I would never have ventured out of my damn nest, sunny weather or no sunny weather, the hell with that!  My grandfather used to say: boy, with all that energy u got, u should never act on your impulses, just sit your ass on the ground and be content. How right he was, all these romantic visions of nature in all its glowing majesty and awe, to explore the great landscapes of the earth and meet other fellow travellers, and venture forward towards the fiery redolent sun, what nonsense.

Nature is hell, it can be comforting and warm, but most of the time nature tries to kill me, and I look like a mentally deficient rodent trying to embrace it all the time. I hated myself then, for the self inflicted death is the worst, when u have time to reflect on life, just before that cumbersome dark beast comes up and envelopes you in his might. I wanted to scream out against fate, I wanted to chew someone's head of his torso; I wanted it to rain fire and brimstone on those who put me in this dreary position.  Oh creator of this world, may u skin those humans alive, and hang their floppy pieces on the highest trees, for all the world to see. May the human mothers, lose their sons and daughters too flesh eating diseases and savage lions. May every human born from this day onward be as mad as a poisoned cuckoo, and as limited in time as a housefly.

And just as I was cursing humanity in all its horridness, light was regained, I was free. The cage had been lifted, and I found myself in the same place as I was captured, but now the great big white tree was gone, and I was for all I knew alone. Of course, someone lifts the cage, and freed me, yet that person, whoever they were, was gone. I didn’t waste time wondering who that mysterious giver of freedom was, I quickly hopped for the end of the hill, it was now or never.

I needn’t tell you that I made it , as soon  as I got over that great green field , I ran with tears in my eyes , and joyous above all, towards my home , where my love of loves was waiting for me , unaware of what in as little as 5 hours had happened to me. I still go to that field, just to look around, they changed it though. They built a great hill there, with an enormous man made lion looking over it, as if to say, blood hungry beast fought here.  I couldn’t agree more....


© Copyright 2018 Benjamin Naser. All rights reserved.

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