He stood there, in the cold autumn rain, alone: Guising his tears with the cold bitter water droplets. Her name gnawed at him like a thousand needles in his heart, as her voice echoed within his skull, tearing him apart. He felt alone in this world, like a fruit that could never grow, forever imprisoned in the veil of death, urging for freedom, only to be denied by the twisted winds of fate. He knelt down and bowed his head to God, asking for forgiveness, begging to see her again, and finally, pleading he had the courage to go on. No one ever understood him, yet, no one bothered to. His whole life, he had felt nothing but hatred, nothing but suffering. He had given up on the world, until he had met her. Her eyes pierced through his. Her laugh chased away the shadows in his heart. He had no family, he had no friends, but he had her; the one person that showed him that there was light in this world. She called it “love”. Something he had never felt before. When she was taken from him, he wanted to go with her. He was tired of the darkness, tired of the sadness. He was trapped in the dark grasps of depression: Cold, and afraid, but knowing Death’s embrace would set him free. He never belonged in this world, and now that she had left, he didn’t belong anywhere. He stood up, this time, letting go of all the fear, all of the hatred, and all of the pain. He asked if God was ready to take him home, and then he asked her if she could forgive him, forgive him for what he was about to do, but knowing that he couldn’t spend another second without her. He touched her gravestone, as a single tear rolled down his cheek. The only person he had ever known, that had ever cared for him, was gone; taken from him. He reached into his coat pocket, his hands trembling. He looked up into the grey sky, as his breath assured him that the end was near. He pulled out a small canister, her name ruggedly carved into the side, followed by the pistol she had given him on their first anniversary with the engraving: “Wherever you go, I will always be with you.” and finally her wedding ring. He examined it for awhile, he had noticed how worn and used it was, and it was because she never wanted to take it off. He closed his eyes, and he thought of her, he thought of the only time he had ever been happy, and then, he pictured seeing her again. He pictured all of the wonderful times they would have together once he was free; once he was home. With that, he smiled as the last tear forced itself from his eye, and into the soft soil below. He held the barrel to his heart, his last thought ending with a deafening bang. He clutched her headstone, with all of his might. The pistol had dropped into the dark red grass, as the engraved writing was flooded by the drops of blood. He clutched her ring and brought it to the hole in his chest, where he kept his wedding ring. As the white light engulfed him, and his last breath of life eclipsed by Death’s embrace, he smiled and faded from existence. Years passed, and seasons changed, but what always remained were the two rings, intertwined, and finally together again…
“Do not cry for me, not a tear that I can see. It is with her, that I wish to be.
Do not mourn death’s empty embrace, just remember the smile on my face.
The choice was mine, for now our souls and our hearts have intertwined.
This place, I did not belong, for I long for the Angel’s song.
I feel the warmth of her kiss, the one that I’d forever miss.
I am sorry for taking the easy road, but I could no longer carry this load.
So now, the last words you will ever hear me say, bury them where I lay.
As the tears flow from my eye, I know that this is goodbye.
But when the morning sun rises, and your heart is filled with love, then we shall meet again, in the Heavens above.
…Do not cry for me, not a single tear I can see…
…It is with her, I wish to be…
© Copyright 2017 Benoni . All rights reserved.
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