Emotions Running Wild

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
They say you never forget your first love, but Kate just never got over him. 'It had been so long since Kate had kissed Jason that it was like she had to learn how to do it all over again.'

Submitted: April 24, 2010

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Submitted: April 24, 2010

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“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.”

- James Earl Jones


If someone had walked in on Kate right now they probably would of thought she looked like an idiot. She was standing on top of her bed wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with her cell phone in one hand and a full roll of paper towel in the other staring at the corner of her room.

She had been sitting on her bed studying when she saw a spider and freaked out. Kate had a huge fear of spiders and usually didn't even go near them as much as possible, but this one had gotten in her room. Gross! Kate's room mate wasn't home so she couldn't try and talk her into killing it, though that probably wouldn't do any good since her room mate was just as scared of them as Kate was and that would of lead to the two of them standing on Kate's bed freaking out trying to tell the other one to kill the spider. So, that was when a certain person came to Kate's mind and she went to her phone. Why Kate text messaged Jason first, she didn't know. Or, she wouldn't admit the real reason to herself. She couldn't even use the excuse that he was on the top of her phone list because Jamie, her boyfriend came before Jason and she didn't bother to text him instead. Maybe she did it because Kate just wanted to see Jason again. The two of them had not really spoken ever since Kate fell asleep at his house that night they played Tetris. Then Nicole and Jason broke up and he seemed so torn up about it. Kate wasn't sure who broke up with who, but since Jason wouldn't talk about it Kate assumed that he was really upset and not over Nicole. This made Kate's heart ache, which then worried Kate because she shouldn't of been feeling that way over if Jason was single or not or who he was dating and cared about. Kate was still with Jamie, who was an awesome boyfriend. Even though he was suddenly hanging out with Nicole. Can we say awkward? But that didn't matter. Kate just wanted to see Jason, and she knew that he wouldn't say no if she was upset or needed him to do something for her. He was a good guy, and Kate was going to use that to her advantage. Boy, was she crafty. It didn't take long before Kate heard the knock on her door and that it was Jason behind it. She looked out towards her main door, then back at the spider that was still in its same spot in the corner minding it's own business, then back towards where Jason was. Kate didn't want to move just in case the spider did, and she didn't want to put her bare feet on the floor until it was dead as a door nail.

"The door is unlocked, come in. I am in my room!" Kate called. She knew that Jason had never been inside of her room, but her door consisted of the main entry, which had the tiniest kitchen in the world, then her main living space, which just consisted of a couch, a coffee table and a tiny TV set. The door to her bed room was on one side of the room, while her room mate's was on the other and Kate's bed room door was open so anyone walking into their dorm could see Kate right away.

Kate turned to look at Jason when he walked into the room and she was just about to say something to him when he leaned over, placing his hands on his knees and started laughing.

"You look ridiculous," he said, once he was able to catch his breath.

"I don't care. That thing is fucking gross," Kate said, trying to defend herself. She seriously considered chucking her cell phone at his head, but her luck she would miss and then have to buy a new phone, which she really couldn't afford to do right now. Kate then considered throwing her roll of paper towels at him, but that would leave her defenceless against the bug, and actually smacking him with the paper towels would probably do more then just throwing them at him. Plus, Kate had bad aim and could possibly miss, then it would be a waste.

It was typical of Jason to laugh at her when she was looking at this, but when Kate thought about it she couldn't expect any less from him. She then looked over and Jason and couldn't help but smile. It had been a while since the last time she hung out with him and it was nice to see him, to be able to talk to him. Kate also noticed how her heart felt when he spoke to her, but she tried to push those thoughts out of the way. She stayed on her bed even though Jason was there, and wouldn't get off of it until he killed the spider for her.

Jason pulled his jacket off and set it over a chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he started to laugh even more. He calmed himself down, offering Kate a smile before he put his hands out like he was surrendering.

"Okay, I'm done. I promise. You should see yourself right now," he snickered, then shook his head again. "Really, this time. I'm done," he nodded, glancing over her room again.

As much as it pissed off Kate that Jason was still laughing at her, especially when she tried to give him the oh so famous death glare, she couldn't help but grin at him. Jason looked adorable when he laughed and Kate suddenly realized how much she missed seeing him laugh, and making him laugh. That was definitely one of the first things that Kate noticed about Jason when she first met him, and she knew it would be one of his qualities that she would never forget. She stood there and grinned at him as he laughed, and then when he looked at her again she crossed her arms and pretended to be angry with him.

"Are you sure you are done?" she asked. "Because I can stand here and wait a bit for you to compose yourself. I am sure mister ugly fucking spider over there can wait a bit longer for his impending death." Kate knew that she looked like an idiot. She was wearing shorts in November and standing on her bed with a roll of paper towel acting like a complete girl.

"Yes, I think I really am done laughing at you," Jason said, and then shrugged before adding "for now." Jason then crossed his arms over his chest again. "Jesus Christ, Kate … the thing's not gonna kill you,"

"I know it won't kill me. But it might touch me," Kate said, holding her paper towel roll at the ready just in case. "I should keep frozen peas in my fridge. That is how my room mate used to kill them, just throw a defrosted bag at them."

"It's just a little bug, Kate … if it touches you, just flick it away. It's not that big of a deal," he laughed softly. "You really are something else," Jason mumbled before stepping closer to Kate. "So, where is this gigantic spider that's the size of your fist, ready to pounce on you?"

"Ok, so I might of over exaggerated a little bit, but it is still big and it is over there," Kate said, glancing at the corner where the bug was before ripping off a piece of paper towel and passing it to Jason. She watched as Jason took the paper towel from her and then walked further into the room, stepping on the spider and then cleaning up the mess before tossing the paper towel into the garbage.

OK, so maybe the spider wasn't that big, but it did the trick to get Jason over to the dorms with Kate. The thought that he had travelled all the way to the Brown University dorms just to kill a spider for Kate put a smile to her face. She knew that if she called almost anyone else who didn't live on campus they would of told her to man up and kill it herself. But Jason came, just for her and that thought made her happy. Kate knew that she could always depend on Jason, no matter how stupid the situation was.

"You saved me!" she exclaimed in an over dramatic fashion. Kate then went to hug Jason while she was still standing on the bed, which lead to her nearly jumping into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, grinning to herself as she felt his arms wrap around her before letting her feet touch the ground and finally stepping away. Ok. Maybe Kate shouldn't of hugged Jason because her heart started racing all of a sudden. "Thanks," Kate said, running a hand through her hair. She then shoved a hand in one of the pockets of her shorts and balanced all of her weight on her hip. What now? All Kate knew was that she didn't want Jason to leave just yet, but she didn't have an excuse to make him stay.

"Yes, I stopped the evil spider before he had the chance to get anywhere near you," Jason said, rolling his eyes. The two of them stood there for a moment before Jason spoke again. "Yeah, you're welcome," he said, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. More silence occurred because Kate wasn't sure what else the two of them had to do, or talk about. "Uh, yeah. So … if that's all you needed, I'll let you get back to studying," he gestured to the books on her bed, moving to leave.

"I was actually just finished studying," Kate piped up before Jason could leave her room. She then folded her arms across her chest, biting on one of her thumb nails quickly before letting her hands move down to her sides and then in her pockets. Kate bounced on the balls of her feet for a moment, looking around and trying to think of a logical explanation to keep Jason in her room for just a bit longer. Kate didn't know why, but she wasn't ready for Jason to leave yet. She missed spending time with him, and she just wasn't sure if the two of them were at the point where they could just hang out for no reason. "Um, I think I have a light bulb that is out in the other room. Will you change it for me?" Luckily for Kate Jason froze at her door when she spoke and then turned to look at her.

"Change your light bulb?" he asked. Crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorframe to her room, Jason smirked. "Kate, if you want me to stay, you just have to ask me. You don't have to make up shit for me to fix," he told her, cocking his head to the side. Kate bit down on her bottom lip and suddenly felt a bit embarrassed and really silly.

"Okay," she said, then ran a hand through her hair and walked up to Jason so that she was standing right in front of him. Before she knew what she was doing, Kate's hand reached out and started to play with the hem of Jason's shirt. Another habit that she hadn't lost yet. She looked down at her hands for a moment before tilting her head up to look at his face. "Jason, will you stay for a bit and…hang out?" she asked, suddenly feeling extremely shy. She would understand if things would be too awkward for him, or if he just wanted to be by himself, but that wouldn't stop her from feeling a little hurt. Kate desperately wanted to spend more time with Jason. She looked up at him to see Jason smile, he then tilted his head to the side like he was pretending to think about his answer.

"Um, yeah I guess so," Jason said, his grin still on his face. "I mean, it's not like I have anything important to do, besides go home and sit on my ass, doing nothing," he smiled. "And apparently, you want me to do that here,"

"It is better to sit on your ass and do nothing with someone else then on your own," Kate noted, feeling elated that he was staying. It wasn't like there was a lot to do in Kate's dorm. Her room consisted of her bed, a dresser and a tiny desk where she kept her lap top and some of her school stuff. She had books all over the place, and the main living area just had Kate's stereo, a small TV, couch and her box full of Cds. Kate didn't spend that much time in her dorm, just when she was studying or eating, but if Jason was in here with her she knew she would never leave.

"So, what were you studying?" Jason asked conversationally, his head gesturing behind her at her bed where the books were still open.

Kate's hand didn't leave the hem of his shirt after he spoke, and she couldn't take it away from him. Her brain was yelling at her to back away, move to the front room or something where she could get away from Jason and have her distance, but her body wasn't moving at all. If anything, she took a small step forward before running one of her hands through her hair and then it immediately finding it's place at the hem of Jason's shirt again. When Jason gestured to Kate's books behind her on her bed, Kate turned her head to glance at them before her attention was back on Jason.

"Oh, just boring theory stuff that I have to know," Kate said with a shrug of her shoulders. She really hated her lecture classes and the homework that went with it, but it had to be done. Kate much preferred the hands on classes, or her music classes. Those classes didn't even feel like work to her.

Kate couldn't believe how shy she was suddenly feeling. Why in God's name would she invite Jason to hang out in her dorm when there was nothing to do? She didn't want Jason to get bored, or to think she was boring. Kate racked her brains for something to do, but the only thing that she came up with was watching TV, playing cards or listening to music and all of those ideas really were kind of lame. It also didn't help that just standing in front of Jason so close to him was distracting Kate like crazy. She could smell him, hear his breathing, touch him if she wanted to. Oh boy did Kate want to touch Jason.

Her body took another small step forward, and before Kate could control what she was doing one of her hands left the front of Jason's shirt and moved to Jason's hand. Kate looked down, not being able to look directly at Jason as her fingers brushed along his hand before they gently grabbed at Jason's fingers, holding his hand with hers. She didn't know what came over her to make her want to hold Jason's hand, but when Kate felt Jason's hand holding on to hers too she knew she wouldn't be able to let him go. "So, um…what did you want to do?" Kate asked quietly, still not being able to look Jason directly in the eyes.

The two of them stood there in Kate's door way standing right in front of each other, but both of them not being able to look at the other. Kate felt so awkward and shy, like this was her first time hanging out with Jason right after she realized that she had a major crush on him. Again. The thing was, that wasn't far from the truth. Considering how hard her heart was pounding and how she was pretty sure she would start blushing if she looked Jason in the eyes she couldn't deny the fact anymore that she still had feelings for him. Strong feelings.

It wasn't a crush, it wasn't that Kate still like him, Kate was still stupid, head-over-heels crazy in love with Jason. Fuck. What was Kate going to do now? She still had a boyfriend, and she had no idea how Jason was feeling about her. He did come to help her with the spider, and as she slowly took steps closer to him she noticed that he wasn't backing away. That had to mean something, right? It had to, or Kate was pretty sure that she would go crazy.

It was then when Kate felt Jason's hand brush some hair away from her face, and that caused Kate to look up at Jason. Then his hand cupped her cheek and his thumb ran over her lips lightly as he stepped forward, and Kate didn't even notice that he never acknowledged her question. She completely forgot that she had even asked him a question, as well as she completely forgot that she had a boyfriend because she was stepping closer to him, looking up gently so that their foreheads could touch. Kate's breathing increased in pace a bit as she held on to Jason's hand while her other hand slid up his chest until it reached and rested on his neck.

Their faces were so close that all Kate had to do was tilt her head up more for their lips to meet, and after a moment of standing there with Jason in silence, only their now hitched breathing making any noise, that was what she did. It was slow, and she hesitated at first, but soon enough she felt her lips press against Jason's. Her kiss was light, but as soon as she felt his lips she wanted more, so seconds after she pulled away her mouth found his again.

Jason kissed her back and nothing felt so right in her entire life. The simple and quite innocent action nearly made Kate groan against Jason's mouth because this was something that she had been yearning to do again for over a year. Jason's hand that was cupping her cheek slid down Kate's body and wrapped around her waist, instantly pulling Kate into Jason as close as the two of them could possibly manage. He then let go of her hand with his to tangle his hand in her hair. Kate made sure to press her body right against Jason's, the hand resting on his neck now slowly sliding into his hair and her now free had wrapping around his body.

Her kisses will still light, tender, and hesitant but she couldn't stop what she was doing. Her hand ran along his back, pulling herself right against him and soon enough Kate was only paying attention to Jason, completely forgetting that they were standing in the doorway of her bed room, out in the open. Jamie was complete gone from her mind and the only thing Kate was thinking about was how in love she still was with Jason and how amazing it felt to be kissing him again.

It had been so long since Kate had kissed Jason that it was like she had to learn how to do it all over again. She would never forget what it felt like to kiss him, but she had to remember how to do it again because the way she kissed Jason was different then how she kissed anyone else. Kate kissed Jason with more emotion, more passion even if it was just a simple gentle kiss, and feeling his lips against hers was a completely different experience then kissing anyone else. Kate felt more behind it, and she knew that she would never get enough of it.

After a few moments Kate pulled away from Jason, but kept her body pressed against his still. She looked at his face and saw that his eyes were still closed, and it took a moment for him to open his eyes and look at her. The two of them locked their gaze for a second and Jason offered Kate a small smile. She returned it, her heart jumping in her chest before she leaned in and pressed her lips to Jason's again. This time the kiss was more aggressive, rougher and it didn't take long for Kate's tongue to snake out and run along Jason's bottom lip. His mouth instantly opened to Kate's and within seconds she felt his tongue slide against hers.

Kate was still in love with Jason, she never fell out of love with him and right now she was in too deep. There was nothing that could stop her now that she was kissing Jason. Her body instantly wanted him and she made sure to press it up against him as her kiss deepened ever more and after a few moments Kate involuntarily let out a light groan against Jason's mouth. God she missed kissing him. She missed absolutely everything about him.

Their kiss deepened even more as both of Kate's arms went around Jason's neck and his own hands moved to Kate's waist. He then started stepping forward, leading Kate further into the room as their lips stayed attached to the other. Kate's room was small, so it didn't take long for them to reach her bed, and when they did Jason leaned forward and pushed her books out of the way before he pressed Kate's body into the bed. She laid down and he was on top of her. There were so many things that Kate wanted to say as she felt Jason's body press on to hers, like how much she loved and had missed him, but she was afraid that if she spoke a single word it would snap them back to reality and ruin the moment. The only noises Kate made were the soft sighs that escaped her lips as she felt Jason's hand run up and down her body.

Kate's hips instantly pressed up into Jason's as he found his place between her legs. Her breathing was already starting to get a bit harder and her heart was still hammering in her chest. Being able to feel Jason on top of her was making Kate's body yearn for him again, and the feeling was as strong as ever. She wanted to touch him more, she wanted to feel him touch her more and as she continued to kiss him as deep as she possibly could. She felt Jason's hand slide under the hem of Kate's shirt and his fingers ghosted over her bare skin, which sent goose bumps up Kate's spine. She could hear his own breathing getting laboured as their bodies started grinding together, rubbing up against each other.

It didn't take long for Kate to give in more to her cravings, so she loosened her leg around him a bit so that her hand could slide between their bodies. As soon as her hand reached the waist band of his pants she slid it past them. Her other hand then went to assist in undoing his pants as her hand touched Jason, feeling that he was already getting aroused. She worked faster and getting his pants undone, and as soon as she did and her hand had more room she started stroking Jason.

The reaction she got out of him caused Kate to start to feel wet herself. His breath turned to short gasps, having to break the kiss for a moment as his eyes slammed shut. Kate watched him, grinning and stroking her hand against him more. A moan soon escaped Jason's mouth before he licked his lips, leaning down and kissing Kate again as his hips started to move into her hand and his caresses got a bit rougher.

Kate kissed him back and was already formulating in her head what she wanted to do to him. She wanted to touch him, put him in her mouth, feel him inside of her. She just wanted all of Jason, and now that she had gotten started there was nothing that could stop her, even the fact that she would feel really guilty about it after.

"We… we can't do this," Jason was suddenly saying, breaking the kiss and pulling away from Kate suddenly. She looked at him, her hand that was in his pants stopping what she was doing. It took a few seconds for everything to click into Kate's head and when it did she just stared at Jason. No. This was not happening. Kate couldn't start something like this with Jason and then not be able to finish it. No way.

"No." Kate said firmly, leaning up to try and kiss Jason again but he was already pulling away more. Her hand kept on stroking him, and Jason groaned once more but then grabbed her hand forcefully and pulled it away from him.

"You ... Jamie," Jason said, sitting up and away from Kate before he started to refasten his pants. "I don't want to be that guy," he added, moving to sit on the bed, running a hand through his hair before that hand moved over his face. Kate propped herself up on her elbows and watched Jason for a second, and then what he said to her finally sank in. Jamie. Kate was still dating Jamie and she was completely willing to cheat on him. Shit. Kate shifted her body so she was sitting next to Jason on the bed.

"Fuck," Kate groaned as she placed her head on her hands. "I am a terrible person."

Jason had always been a better person then Kate, and that fact was definitely proven right after what had just happened. Kate was totally willing to let what they were doing get way out of hand, she wanted it to get out of hand. Kate had missed Jason so much that she would of easily slept with him without a second thought about how wrong those actions were. Though, now that Jason had stopped her and brought up Jamie, Kate felt horrible.

Kate never thought she would be the type of person who would cheat on anyone. She had always thought it was a terrible thing, but right then she was willing to cheat on Jamie. She wanted Jason so badly and even though that wasn't an excuse, she knew she couldn't help herself. She was still in love with him and now that she was able to have him close to her, to feel his body against hers all she thought about was being able to do that again.

"No…Kate you're not," Kate heard Jason say to her. "Look at me." Kate ignored Jason, keeping her head in her hands and not looking at him, but she heard him moved and kneel in front of the bed. His hands then went to hers, forcing them down. "Kate, look at me," Jason repeated until Kate finally tilted her head up so that her eyes caught his. "You are not a horrible person, okay? We just ... we let things get a little bit out of hand, but ... nothing happened," he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I should have ... I don't know. Nothing happened," he added again, shaking his head.

It was so hard for Kate to keep her eyes on Jason because she was full of so many different emotions that she knew she couldn't' handle. Lust, love, hurt, rejection, and guilt were just a few of them. He was telling her that nothing happened, but he was wrong. Something did happen, and it wasn't over just yet. She shook her head and let out a small sigh, then slid down off the bed so that she was sitting in front of Jason on the floor.

"Something really big happened," Kate said quietly, meaning that she fully came to realize that she was still in love with Jason but not being able to say that out loud. Kate then looked at Jason, but that was a bad idea. Her face was now extremely close to his, and before Kate could stop herself she had shifted her body forward so that she was nearly on Jason's lap. She sucked in a deep breath before leaning in and pressing her lips to Jason's again. The kiss wasn't soft like the starting of their first one, it was rougher, frantic and desperate.

Kate must of kissed Jason a lot harder then she thought because he was falling backward, pulling Kate with him on to the floor. The thing was, Jason didn't push Kate off of him right away. She felt him kiss her back, his arms wrapping around her again and one of his hands sliding into her hair. Kate groaned against Jason's mouth but all of a sudden he was pulling away from her again.

"Kate," Jason said breathlessly, but it didn't stop her. Kate moved her mouth to Jason's jaw line, kissing the skin there before she moved to his neck. She heard Jason groan again and she thought that she might of won, but that was until she felt his hands hold on to either side of Kate, pushing her away from him. His hold on her was firm, but he gently lifted Kate off of him, sitting up. "This is wrong," Jason said, but it looked like he was struggling with what he had to say. "I just don't want you to do something that you will regret, okay?"

Kate pushed herself back a bit so that she was leaning against the side of her bed. She looked directly at Jason, wanting to tell him that she loved him, missed him and wanted to be with him. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't be without him, and that her body needed him. The problem was, Kate was a chicken and feared him not feeling the same about her anymore. Kate knew that she wouldn't be able to handle any more rejection from Jason. So instead of speaking at first, Kate bent her knees up to her chest and just stayed there in silence for a second. She felt the tears coming, and for once in her life she didn't want to cry in front of Jason. Kate took in a deep breath, trying to will them back but she still felt them threatening to emerge.

"I think you should leave," Kate managed to choke out. She bit her bottom lip and did her hardest not to cry, it was just something that she didn't want to do on front of Jason right now. Kate was looking down at her knees now, knowing that if she looked directly at Jason her tears would come. He sat in front of her for a few minutes, she could feel his eyes on her and he didn't say anything right away.

"I … I don't want to be the other guy, Kate," he said simply after what felt like an eternity. "I'm sorry."

Kate then heard Jason get up from the ground, but instead of moving to the door he squatted down in front of her. She felt his hand on her face, and then his lips pressed to her forehead. Kate closed her eyes and sat there in silence. It was the only thing she could do to stop the tears from coming. His apology just tore at her heart even more, like he was apologizing for not wanting to be with her.

He then stood up again and walked towards the door, mumbling something to Kate before he left but she didn't hear him. Her ears were ringing and the tears were falling down her face freely now, and it was all she could concentrate on.


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