love isn't a game

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 30, 2017

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Submitted: October 30, 2017



We pretty much started to talk every day when he moved to my school. He was so sweet to me. We would text every day for hours and hours, I thought everything was going great. I had told my friends about how much I liked him, about how great everything was going between us.

However, one day he came up to me. "Okay, I really like this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her," My heart started to beat fast against my chest, and my palms started to sweat. All I could do was think, 'Is it me.' "Go on," I said, by this time my cheeks hot and red. "Well, I want to be her boyfriend," he smiled. "And?" I replied "She's the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. I really like her..." "Who is it?!" I ask "Milly, can you give me her number please?" "Oh. Um, sure. I'll text it to you later.”

 I ran to the bathroom and started to cry. Milly, was my best friend and she had stolen him away from me. How could this happen. I stared at myself in the mirror. Am I so bad? I stared at myself through the mirror, thinking, "What's wrong with me?"

The next day he started to text me, saying, so how about that number? I didn't respond. I just laid there in a ball sobbing. I glanced up and saw my reflection staring back at me. I realized my problem.

"It's because I'm too boring."

With my hands shaking, I opened the bathroom door. I went up to the sink, and saw but another reflection of myself. I wanted this done.

I picked up the needle, and shoved it into my nose.

I started to cry. But I kept going. Within the next week, I had a nose ring in, my hair dyed a different color, but I still got no attention. I couldn't take this any longer. When I got home, I ran to my bedroom and tried to cut myself with a razor blade. I was screaming and crying. Nothing happened.

"WHY GOD? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?" I screamed in between sobs. "Why..."

I suddenly stopped crying. I calmly walked to my desk, and grabbed a pencil.

With my heart racing, I started to write.
"I'm really sorry. I can't do it anymore. I have tried and tried but nothing works. I'm so sad and alone. I can't do anything about it. If I am not hurting myself, I am hurting everyone around me and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't live my life and I can barely remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I put on a smile, but it isn’t real?”

I read through the note repeatedly, and signed it with my name.
Tears, dotted throughout the page. Violently shaking, I fold up the note, and laid it on the desk. I slowly walk up to my closet.

I think, just one last time.

I go into the closet, and finds a scarf. I tie it into a loop, and attaches it to the fan in my bedroom.

My face turns purple as the life starts to rush out of me. I know I can't scream, I haven’t got enough energy in me.

"Love isn't a game. You can't play with people’s heart without somebody getting hurt."

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