Being confused is a choice we all have. You can try to figure something out or you can simply give up and call it confusion. But it’s not that simple. No matter what you’ll want to figure it out. So yes it’s a choice, but a hard one to make.
. . .
I know I'm dreaming, but it's so real I think twice. The only thing keeping me from confusing this with reality is the fact that I've had
this dream many times before. I walk down the blank hallway and trail my fingers along the white walls as the path gets narrower. I want to reach the end but the hallway was endless. The black door
at the end slowly creaks open and fear washes over me. I no longer want to reach the door, for the nameless boy stepped out.
His grey eyes were shining as they did every time, his shaggy black hair casted a shadow over his eyes and he wore a faint smile on his lips. The sight of him sent a little shiver down my back as I picked up my speed to meet him halfway. Only our fingers brushed but it was enough to send the painful shock through my fingertips and throughout the rest of my body.
Wake up. The little voice inside my head shouted.
I'd had Jamie sense the dreams started fourteen years ago when I was two. I'm sixteen now and Jamie has become a normal part of me just like the dream.
"Ivy?" Jamie moaned, from the little cocoon she'd made with her covers.
"Don't do your makeup."
“I need some practice if I’m getting into beauty school.”
“More like a lot of practice.” I swallowed the giggle bubbling up inside me, “You’re not coming anywhere near my face.”
“Please Ivy it’s not like I can go do Joan’s again.”
“And why not?” I asked, carefully applying eyeliner beneath my bottom lashes.
“I do her’s every morning I need a new skin tone and there is no way Jade will let me touch her face.”
I reached for my little tube of lip gloss and my light brown lipstick, “Wait!”
I dropped them both back on the dresser with a thud then turned to look at Riley, “What!”
“Can I at least do your lips?”
“You almost gave me a freaking heart attack, just because you want to do my lip makeup?”
“Please.” She begged ignoring my question.
“Fine.” With a sigh I slid the makeup off the dresser and went to sit next to Riley on her rumpled bed. She focused on my lips with dark brown eyes, as she ran the lipstick over my lips getting irritated every time a strand of light brown blew in her face. After moments of running the little tube of makeup over my lips again and again Riley finished, “Done.” She said twisting the cap back on the tube of lip gloss clearly content with her work.
“Now,” I slid of the bed, “I’m going next door to Joan’s and Jade’s room to see if they wanna walk to class. I’ll be back in ten you better be ready or we’re leaving without you.” I warned.
“Yeah, yeah okay. I’ll be ready.” She motioned for me to get out. With a sigh I left the room flicking the fan off on my way out. I took two big steps before I stood in front of their room. I gave the door a slight knock.
“Come in.” I recognized Joan’s unmistakable cheery voice. I turned the knob and walked inside,
“Hey.” I pushed back a piece of hair behind my ear,
“We walkin’ to class today?” Joan looked over at her sister.
Jade gave a nod, “Yeah.”
Jade and Joan were a pretty pair of twins. Radiant green eyes that sparkled when they got really excited, short black hair in a pixie style, and amazingly tan skin. It’s hard to believe it took me a whole year to tell them apart. Aside from looks the twins are nothing alike. Joan’s sweet and shy personality was nothing like Jade’s loud mouthed obnoxious one.
“You guys go on and get Riley I’m going to text Eric to meet us out front.” I shared a look with Joan. Eric was Jade’s boyfriend. I have nothing against him he’s a great guy but I knew her sister obsessing over him all the time annoyed Joan.
“Okay.” I pulled Joan out of the room.
We walked past my room, “Riley come on.” She stepped out before I got the chance to knock.
“You said ten minutes I took ten minutes nine in a half to be exact so you can shut-“
“Just come outside we’re waiting outside for Eric.” I cut her off.
Waiting outside for Eric wasn’t fun at all. It was freezing so I was glad I went with long pants today. It was getting warmer but the mornings still sucked.
“Took you long enough!” Jade shouted before running into the arms of her big jock boyfriend.
“Hey you’re not allowed to complain the boy’s dorm isn’t exactly close.” Eric defended himself. Eric’s blond hair looked around the same color of his golden eyes burning as he looked at his girlfriend, no one doubted his feelings were genuine.
“Hey you know that thing called class. Yeah we have that?” Joan groaned.
“Huh.” Jade said to busy running her hands through her boyfriend’s shaggy hair to catch a word Joan had just said.
“I got this.” Riley stepped in, “Hey Jade join us please.” She waved her arms in the air.
“I see you.” Jade snapped looking away from Eric. Riley dropped her arms.
As we were walking I could hear jade whispering to Eric and Eric whispering to Jade. Every once and awhile Joan would glance at me like she expected me to stop it. I didn’t instead I said,” I know how you feel.”
“No trust me you don’t. You don’t have to worry about having your sister on the phone 24/7 saying stuff like ‘No I love you more, or no you hang up first.’” She made a sound of disgust,” I’m still waiting for our mom to see her phone bill and cut the line or something.” She flashed a devious little grin.
“You’re mean.” I teased, because there was no way that was true.
We reached the big main building and headed towards mrs.Larcove’s homeroom. We sat in a row me at one end Eric’s seat at the other Jade next to him then Riley then Joan in between me and Riley.
“Where’s Eric?” I asked Joan.
She shrugged, “Maybe he had to pee.” Eric came in the room followed by Mrs.Larcove. Eric took his seat and Mrs.Larcove found her place at the front of the room.
“Now first things first. We have a new student. David?” I gasped he was here, and he finally has a name.
“This is David Mchea.” Yes it was definitely the boy from my dream. Same dark eyes, same pale face, same dark shaggy hair in his eyes, same everything. “You can take that empty seat back there.” Mrs.Larcove pointed to the desk behind me. My eyes focused on the pencil in my hand as David walked by me. “Now the test on Thursday is on………..” I let Mrs.Larcove’s words drift off.
Don’t let him touch you. Jamie said.
Why would I? I asked.
To see if it hurts you like in your dreams. So Jamie recognized him too.
I felt a tap on my back. I turned around David had tapped my back with a pencil. “Yeah?” I tried to keep my voice steady.
“Um hey I’m David.” Yeah the teacher said that a minute ago smart one. Instead I smiled.
“So that’s your name.” David says almost to himself.
“Nothing,” He said shaking his head. I give a half-smile before turning back to face up front. Guess that wasn’t so bad.
Don’t be stupid Ivy you know what he does. Jamie says snidely. I closed, and reopened my eyes. I tried to focus on Mrs.Larcove for the rest of class. Tried.
The rest of class basically sucked. I heard David’s steady breathing behind me and felt his eyes on my back. It took I all I had not to shiver or show any sign of fear. I felt like a helpless little girl. I couldn’t help but to feel relieved when the bell rang dismissing us from class. Unfortunately it didn’t last long; he had almost every class with me. Scratch that, he did have all my classes with me. Now I can really say I know how it feels to be stalked, at least I got something out of this crappy day. Have you ever had one of those awkward moments when someone you’ve dreamed about most of your life shows up to haunt you? Well if you haven’t let me warn you it’s nothing, but good old peachy fun.
After today I just wanted him to disappear and be a part of my bad dream again. Why me? Really why, I know I’m not the only girl ever to have a dream about someone I’ve never met before, but I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that’s met their nightmare in person. Now you see I really don’t think that’s fair by a long shot.
When he followed me to girl’s dorm I really started to freak.
Is he a stalker? I asked Jamie.
No he’s just out to get you.
That doesn’t help.
Sorry. She says but I knew she wasn’t.
With a shake of my head I continued to the girl’s dorm. When I reached the dorm’s entrance I rushed up the steps and went through the door slamming it shut behind me. After a few moments of heavy breathing I built up the courage to peek through the little window on the door. David was standing on the steps his jaw was clenched, his hands balled up into tight fists at his side. I ran up the steps to my room before David opened his eyes and saw me.
I reached my third floor dorm room as Riley stepped out of it.
“Where you going?” I asked.
“Next door,” Seeing the look on my face she said, “Friday night girl time remember.”
“You should come this week you really miss out when you just sit around in our room like a bum.”
“Yeah I can come to this one.” I really didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to be by myself after being followed home by someone who’s been haunting me sense I was two.
“Great Joan and Jade will be so excited.” Every Friday night Jade and Joan would invite us over for some quality girl time. Normally I’d say no but like I said being alone wasn’t happening. Plus getting my mind off David would be good, right now every time I closed my eyes I’d see him staring at me in anger. Yeah that’d be nice to get away from.
“Well come on.” Riley looped her arm through mine as she pulled me to their room.
Jade was on her knees filling pink plastic buckets full of water and laying out towels. Joan was sitting next to her on the carpet reading the labels on hairspray and nail polish bottles. Ick! I could already smell the fumes this wasn’t going to be very enjoyable, but it was way better than spending the next two hours in my room thinking about David. A look of shock spread across the twin’s faces when they looked up to see me.
“You came!” Came to her feet, “This will be so much fun I promise you.” She squealed. I highly doubted it but patience. I took a short breath before joining everyone on the floor.
“Yeah my nails are looking a little shabby.”
“Well I’ll help you with that,” Joan giggled. She pushed the little bottles of polish my direction, “Pick any color. What do you guys want on your pizza?” She picked up the little phone sitting on the night stand in between the two beds. We all mumbled cheese. “Okie Dokie.”
“Are you going with purple?” Riley asked.
“No black. Why?”
She shrugged picking up the purple bottle, “Just didn’t wanna use the same color.” I nodded and reached for the all black bottle. Joan sat in front of me on the pink towel she’d laid out earlier, a bucket of water between us. She took my hands and placed them in the warm water.
“So,” Joan started, “Looks like the new guy’s took an interest in you.” She smiled like that was a good thing. “He’s hot.” She added. Great that was the last thing I wanted to talk about.
Don’t let her give you any ideas. Jamie chimed.
“I don’t like him.” I told them both. Joan raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t know him.” She pointed out as she dried my hands and began to file down my nails. “But whatever.” She grabbed the nail polish I’d picked out, “Black really?” She sighed. “Sense you came I’m not going to ask you to pick a girlie color.” She unscrewed the top.
“If it’s not girlie why do you have it?” I shot back.
“Are you kidding? Black’s sexy.” I snorted, then we both started to laugh.
She put of a coat of clear coat before there was a knock at the door.
“Yes pizza’s here I’m starving.” Riley plopped onto Jade’s bed. Jade shook her head as she went to open the door. When she opened the door the smell of fresh tomatoes and melted cheeses filled the room. I sat down on Joan’s bed Jade slid next to Riley on her bed and Joan sat next to me. Joan had set plastic plates and napkins on the night stand, I reached for one.
“Do you guys think Ivy should give the new guy a chance?” Joan asked.
“David? Of course you should he’s a total cutie.” Riley said.
Joan glanced at me her expression smug.
“No.” I looked right at her, watching as the smug smile disappeared.
“I know your upset, because of Stan but you really should date again.” Jade said.
“Jade!” Joan snapped.
“Can we please not talk about that?” I swallowed. I still hadn’t forgiven myself for what I did to him. Even though no one else knew I always would. I stood up and threw my plate away, “I’m going to bed guys.” I walked out the door.
The room was dark and quiet with just me in it. I walked over to my bed and wrapped my wadded up covers around myself. I laid there for minutes unable to fall asleep. The look on David’s face kept popping back into my head. The way he looked when he first saw me in class, the way he studied me and the look of frustration on his face when I ran from him inside.
Don’t think about him and don’t interact with him. Jamie ordered.
“Right.” I said aloud.
The door creaked open and Riley stepped in, “Ivy you awake?”
I sat up. “Yeah.”
“You alright?” She sat on the edge of my bed.
“Yeah it’s just the thing with Stan, and David gives me the creeps.”
She shrugged,” I think he’s nice and interested. Give him a chance.”
“Think about it.” She stood up then went to her own bed. “Night.”
I had the same dream up to when the door opened and David walked through it. “Okay what do you want?” David stared at me with a pained expression.
“I want to know why you keep hurting me.” I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Me hurt you?” he gave a short bitter laugh, “you’re the one shocking me every time I have this stupid dream. Which by the way is getting super annoying. Look at my fingers.” He held up his hand. His fingers were just as red and burnt as mine maybe even worse. Hesitantly I reached out towards his hand.
Don’t do it. Jamie barked. Ignoring her I reached forward and pressed my hand hard to David’s. I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for the painful shock. It never came not even a slight spark. I opened my eyes. He was staring at me.
“David?” I asked my voice shaky.
“Ivy?” he mimicked.
“Did you get shocked?”
“No did you?”
“No.” I turned his palm up and ran my fingers across his. Just like mine.
He did that to you. Jamie was furious and it was easy to tell.
I connected my finger tips with his. “Well I wish I could make it go away. It makes my whole hand ache.” I continued to play with his fingers.
“Me too.” He was staring at our joined hands. A little blue light appeared between our fingers and the tips of my fingers began to burn again, but I couldn’t pull back. When the blue light vanished I pulled my hand back and looked at it. The burn marks were gone. I grabbed his hand again. His marks were gone too. “That’s freaking awesome.” I stared at our hands in disbelief.
I heard a distant beeping noise. “What’s that?” I asked.
He groaned, “My alarm clock I’m seeing if I can get a tour later.”
“Well then I’ll see you later.”
“Okay see you.” He waved before waking up and disappearing.
I blinked, “Whoa.” I shook my head trying to decide whether or not what I just saw was real.
Your stupid Ivy, very stupid! Jamie practically screamed. Here comes the storm, I struggled to keep that thought to myself.
He didn’t hurt me, heck he helped me! I made sure glancing at my fingers to make sure.
Once he helped you once, but what has he been doing for the past fourteen years?
The same thing I’ve been doing to him. And it’s your fault you’re the reason we shocked each other.
Are you pinning this on me? The anger in her voice was almost scary.
No. I lied.
This was a very bad choice Ivy. The serious edge in her voice let me know she meant every word she said. I sucked in a breath and continued to my closet. I picked out some grey skinny jeans and a plain white tee. I put my up in a messy bun, did my makeup and headed out the door.
Where are you going? I didn’t stop when she questioned me.
Out. I replied shortly.
At seven o’clock in the morning on a Saturday?
I have to get Mrs. Larcove to let me give David that tour.
This is your last warning to stay away from him.
I gave a mental shrug, yeah and I’m ignoring it.
I stopped at my homeroom door. David was talking to Mrs. Larcove.
“Sorry dear but I don’t think anyone would volunteer to stay afterschool to show the new kid around. Half of them don’t even stay through the whole day.” She let out one of those laughs old people use when they think they said something funny.
“I could show David around.” I stepped through the door.
“Ivy what are you doing here.” Mrs. Larcove asked.
“Volunteering to give David a tour.”
She gave me a look letting me know she knew I was being a smartass. “Okay.” She waved dismissively at us. We walked out of the class room quickly.
“I had a dream about you last night.” I said as we walked down the steps of the main building.
“Did you?” he seemed amused but I really didn’t find it all that funny. Instead of getting mad I played along.
“Yeah it was pretty strange. But I have to say something really cool happened to me,” I held up my normally scorched fingers, “you healed this. I used to have fresh burn marks every single morning.”
His cocky look turned serious, “It was real?” he swallowed.
“You had the dream too I’m guessing.” He nodded.
“We’re forgetting the tour. Instead we’ll be using this lovely Saturday finding out why this happens. Agreed?”
He didn’t answer my question instead a slow grin spread across his face and he said, “Are you a control freak?”
“Just answer the question!”
He nodded, “Yep I am sensing some major OCD. Okay, yeah, I agree.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, “Good.” Riley came running down the side walk looking like a homeless girl on drugs. She was still in her pj’s, her bun was a mess, and she had absolutely no makeup on at all.
“Oh thank God, I thought you fell out of a window or something.”
There’s an idea. Jamie giggled.
“Nope. Right here.”
“What are you doing up this early on a Saturday anyway?” Noticing David she ran a hand through her hair in attempt to fix it just a bit.
“Showing David around.”
Riley smiled,” So you took my advice. Way to go girl didn’t know you had it in you.” Riley punched my shoulder playfully. She’s lucky I didn’t punch her back. I looked over at David who was smiling a big cocky grin.
“Wipe that grin off your face before I do it for you.”
“Oh feisty.” He made a cat noise.
“Shut up,” Riley started cracking up, “you too.”
“Have fun with your new cute best friend. I’m going back to bed.”
I gave Riley an ‘I’m so killing you later’ look before she took off back towards girls’ dorm.
“So you think I’m cute huh?” I swear David was practically glowing with cockiness. “I guess I am pretty cute.”
“What you are is annoying. Now shut up before I change my mind.”
“That’s okay as long as I’m cute.” He nudged my arm.
“Can we please just figure out weird shocky dream thing now and mess with me later?”
“So there will be a later?”
“You’re not nearly as charming as you think.”
“That’s fine as long as you still think I’m cute.” At this point all I wanted to do was slap him and go to sleep. But I decided to skip slapping him and just go straight to the sleep part,
“You know what forget it.” I stomped angrily down the side walk in the direction Riley had come.
I heard David’s heavy footsteps behind me trying to catch up. He put a gentle hand on my arm and turned me so I was facing him again, “I’m sorry I should’ve let it go.”
“Yes you should have.”
“Yeah. I’m really sorry I just get carried away sometimes this is the third boarding school I’ve been to this year and it’s hard you know.” He looked down at the side walk.
I sighed, “It’s really not your fault I get mad too easily. Plus I know how you feel right now; being the new kid’s never easy especially with all the jerks that go to this school. You try to fit in by being funny, but I’m telling you right know with me you don’t have to. I’ve been wishing you were real sense my very first dream. So at least you got me.” I smiled.
David looked up at my face and slightly smiled.
“Hug?” I asked.
“How about kiss?”
“You are gonna have to bring that cockiness down a bit though.”
“That’s good enough.” I wrapped my arms around David and gave him a squeeze. I wished more than anything we could figure out what was going on and I knew David felt the same. Then it hit me. It was so obvious I felt stupid for not figuring it out sooner.
“David!” I pulled back.
“What?” he tried to read my expression and by the look on his face he wasn’t doing a very good job.
“I know what’s going on.”
“Well spit it out.”
I looked around campus people were starting to start the day and come outside so I pulled David’s arm to the back of the building.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere a little less public.” He understood and just followed me.
We reached the back of the main building in five minutes. I took a seat in the wet grass pulling David down next to me.
“Now tell me what you know.” David wore an excited expression that I was sure was a mirror of mine.
“I’d rather show you. Give me your hands.” He placed his hands in mine. I looked around one more time before starting. “Okay. You see that trash can over there?” David nodded. “Close your eyes and imagine it all of a sudden catching on fire.” I closed my eyes first picturing it sitting where it was, then catching on fire out of nowhere. I heard a crackling noise. I opened my eyes, the trash can was in flames, “We did it.” I smiled, then looking at David I realized his eyes were still closed, “David.” I nudged his arm, “look.”
His eyes opened then widened at the sight of the flaming trash can. He swallowed, “Can we put it out?”
“Yeah we just have to do what we did last time only this time imagine it going out.” I closed my eyes again and squeezed David’s hands tighter. I pictured the trash can on fire, flick the fire vanished like I flipped a switch. I opened my eyes again the fire was gone. David was staring at me with wide eyes.
“It’s rude to stare.”
“How’d we just do that?”
“Okay when we make contact and we both want the same thing it happens.”
I smiled, “That’s all.”
“But how?” David looked confused.
“Don’t know, but who cares we just set a garbage can on fire get pumped!” I stood up.
“What about the dream thing?”
I shrugged, “Let’s just think of it as a weird but cool thing that comes with being completely and totally awesome. Plus does stuff like that really matter when you can do this-“I took David’s hand-“wish for ice cream.” A waffle cone full of vanilla ice cream popped in my free hand.
“I know this’ll sound like an understatement but your amazing.” David threw a casual arm over my shoulders. I smiled when I caught him glancing at me to make sure that was alright.
I giggled, “I guess you can take some credit for this yummy frozen treat.”
We started to walk back out front to the side walk. Some people would stare at us walking his arm around my shoulders. It didn’t bother me in fact it made me smile. It was always nice to get a few shocked looks out of people.
“So I was thinking………….” David’s voice trailed off.
“Thinking what?” I pushed.
“We should have some fun with,” he wiggled his fingers,” you know this.”
I grinned, “What exactly did you have in mind?”
“That guy over there shoved me in a locker yesterday I kinda wanna get him back.” He pointed to a guy that was unmistakably Eric.
“That was mean and on your first day too.”
“I was thinking we could-“
“Shove his thick head against a brick wall?” I cut him off. It pissed me off that someone would try to hurt someone as nice as David and before they even met him.
“Not what I had in mind but sure why not.” I stepped in front of him slipping my hand in his. I saw the memory through David’s eyes.
He was getting stuff for his first class out of his locker when we walked past. Everyone went into the room except for Eric. When David turned around after shutting his locker Eric grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and shoved him against the locker. David’s head hit the door and it rattled.
“Have a nice day new guy.” He grinned walking into the room.
Now I was really pissed off. I looked over at Eric and pictured him getting shoved into the wall and hitting his head hard against the wall. A second later when he walked past the building with a group of his friends he stopped and rammed his head against the wall. David busted out in laughter, I couldn’t help but grin.
“He’s a jerk he got what he deserved, I can’t believe he would do that.” I was still over flowing with rage but David’s laughter helped.
“Yeah my head’s still throbbing, but I’m sure other people were planning on shoving me in a locker Eric just beat them to the punch.” David rubbed the back of his head with his hand.
“They wouldn’t if they knew how awesome you are they aren’t giving you a chance. It’s not fair!” for a moment David looked confused but then he smiled.
“You think I’m great?”
“Well yeah of course I do. I mean I was scared of you for fourteen years but I think we could put that behind us.” I returned the bright smile he was giving me. “And if people weren’t such idiots they’d realize that before they shove you in a locker.”
I think you’re the idiot. Jamie grumbled. She was really giving me a headache today.
“Well as long as a cute girl thinks I’m awesome it’s all good.” David slipped an arm around my waist so we walked closer. I can’t say I hated it. He was warm and his grip around me was tight but not so tight I couldn’t breathe. I felt really great here with David and I really hoped I was doing the same for him.
“Have people always been……. I don’t know jerks to you?” I asked.
“Yeah pretty much.” I wrapped my own arm around him. The thought of people beating up David really ticked me off. He was probably one of the nicest people at this school and his whole life people gave him crap for being different.
I couldn’t help but like David, cause I mean he’s sweet not to mention adorable. Others looked right past that and saw him better suited as a human punching bag then a person. No matter what David did I didn’t like the idea of anyone touching him harmfully.
“You know if I could I’d go back and kick the butt of everyone who’s ever given you crap.”
He laughed softly more in his own world then with me, “That’d take a long time.”
“Trust me I don’t mind.”
. . .
When I walked through my dorm door Riley almost knocked me over, she plowed into me jumping up in down not giving me any space to breathe. “I heard something juicy!” she giggled in that annoying way of hers.
“I can’t imagine what it is.” I said unenthusiastically. Because I mean trust me I wanted to know whatever juicy gossip was currently roaming around school I just didn’t enjoy get knocked down by my roommate in the process.
“Someone was getting cozy with new kid David today on the side walk.” Oh so that’s what those snotty girls were talking about in the stair well on my way up here? Oh that was just great; too bad I really didn’t want to have that conversation right now.
“Really who?” I said hoping she didn’t know exactly who.
“Not funny. You really think I’d tell you gossip like this without getting all the facts first? Come on I know it was you so don’t even try to deny it.” She gave me a look, “Do me a favor and admit you like the guy so we don’t have to have this conversation again later.”
With a sigh and I smile I said, “I like David.”
“I like him a lot.”
“I knew it! I so called it. You like him, you like him.” She cheered.
I gave an over done eye roll, “Don’t brag your bumming my joy.” I plopped backwards on to my bed and looked up blankly at the ceiling.
“You alright?” she asked sliding done next to me.
“Yeah.” I lied.
TO BE CONTINUED
© Copyright 2016 Beyond our silence. All rights reserved.
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