PLEASE DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME
I see you walking down the street. I can feel the excitement and tension when our eyes meet and the gaze lingers a little too long. My heartbeat changes pace – although whether it gets faster or slower, I cannot tell– when we’re about to cross paths. Hot blood automatically rushes to my cheeks and sets my face on fire. And suddenly, you’re looking at my face which radiates the colour of passion. I try to tone down the sudden summer in my face and take a deep breath and hold it back as I pass you– while I can feel you inhaling my smell as if you want hold on to it forever. As your fingers “accidently” brush by my hand, I feel an electric current jolt through my body. No, it’s just through my heart. Actually, I can’t really tell, because despite all organs only the heart is making its presence felt by the constant shuddering. And in that moment, I just know. So if you ever walk down the street and this is our scene, I know you’d have many things you would like to say to me. Some really heartfelt, beautiful things that would make me go weak in my knees. But before you say anything, I have just one thing to say to you. I promise, just one. “Please don’t fall in love with me.”
Of course, now you would be speechless. You would have forgotten all those deep things you were just about to say. You would suddenly be reminded of those moments where despite so much practicing in your head – you just blanked out. So I take this as my cue to talk. To explain. I am not who you think I am. I know my appearance lures you and pulls you towards me. But maybe if you knew my mind, you would understand me better and perhaps even run in the opposite direction. Because there are some very dark places in my mind. Places you haven’t remotely come close to entering. And believe me, a glimpse of these places will scare you away, because they scare me too – that, I can’t deny. No, I’m not saying that I’m evil, but nevertheless, I’m only human. My dark patches don’t define me, but are a colossal part of who I am. They fade out the light and keep me in utter darkness, they make me want to do things I wouldn’t if my sanity was in control. Now you think you understand me and try to sympathize with me; but I haven’t told you the best part yet. I don’t want your sympathy. Because I love the darkness. The unknown gives me a thrill and sets my adrenaline rushing. It makes my heart beat faster and slower the same way you do, but this time there is a greater edge to it. You can devoid me of all my senses in the darkness and I will still not choke on the silent solitude. Oh, I think I forgot to mention how rebellious and destructive I get in the dark corners of my mind. You think you want me, you think you need me, but it’s just a part of the game my sinful mind is playing on you. So before you said anything, I thought of warning you. Did you wish I hadn’t? I look around. You’ve run in the opposite direction.
Great. Now I’m going to take a walk down the street.
© Copyright 2016 Bhoomi P. All rights reserved.
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