“When you raped me, you stole my life, snuffed out the hopes and dreams of a young girl before she would have any chance to achieve them.
When you chose to take drugs that night, you chose wrong.
When you chose to go looking for a woman to rape, you chose to ruin a life. Now, two lives.
I was 15 years old when you raped me. I was a virgin.
I will never enjoy sex again. You stole that from me. Before I ever even had it.
You say the drugs made you do it.
I say you took drugs, but they just brought out of you the evil that was already there. You are evil.
The fact that you made me pregnant with a child makes me believe there is no God. No God that I would ever want anything to do with would let your evilness invade my innocence and create a child.
I had to give up that child for adoption, after carrying her in my womb for 9 months, because every time I would look at her, I would hate her. Because to me, she was you.
When my parents look at me, I see pity, shame and a sorrow so deep, they will never unbury it.
My friends….every single one of them….want to kill you.
So do I.
I begged my lawyers to get the death penalty. They told me it wasn’t legally possible. I begged some more.
You killed a part of me. I want to kill all of you.
No man will ever want me. I am damaged. Yet, I am a million miles ahead of you.
When I try to sleep at night, you are there, in my head, killing my spirit, stealing my mind, my future, my life.
I begged my parents for the money to hire someone to kill you.
I want you to look over your shoulder and worry like I do. Every single day.
I used to work hard for the cause of black people. I was a liberal minded, good white girl who wanted fairness for all. I hated people who were racist.
Now, because of you, I find myself using the word ‘nigger’ all the time. My heart goes like a freight train whenever I see a black man. The fear is totally invasive.
You made me a racist, and I hate you for that, Nigger.
(The courtroom was absolutely silent)
And finally. I cry myself to sleep every night. The doctors say I’ll never be able to have a baby......again.
I said to them, ‘Good’. Who would want to bring a child into a world where this could happen to them?
Go to hell. And when I see you there, I’m going to kill you again.”
(She turned toward the judge and spoke)
“Your honor. He’s yours now. I’m done with him
Until I try to sleep tonight.”
© Copyright 2016 Bill Rayburn. All rights reserved.
Book / Memoir
Book / Memoir
Short Story / Romance
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