Do We Know the Voices?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A series of verses set to search for deeper meanings in daily doings.

Submitted: June 03, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 03, 2012

A A A

A A A


Do We Know Voices?

21 parts sewn together to try and find a little meaning in life.

Please read and enjoy.

Part I

Do I talk to myself?

The voices in my head

Screaming words I left unsaid

Take me to a place I dread

Someplace deep

Where fear’s widespread

But what’s going on with me?

I know I’m not alone

My spirit being chilled to the bone

For penance served without atone

Someplace deep

Some basic zone

So will denial end?

If only for a while

To find and redefine a style

To feel sweetness so worthwhile

Someplace deep

Inside a smile

So now we ask what if?

What if the tide can turn?

What of the fire’s burn

Of passion’s ceaseless yearn

Someplace deep

Something we earn

An existential why?

Asked when we motivate

Disguised as lucid fate

Kept hidden – so sedate

Someplace deep

Reposed in wait

A thought - why search for why?

The heart true will set free

A peace – lucidity

With a guarantee

Someplace deep

We hold the key

More thoughts – does it matter?

At the end of all things

Beyond the cosmic strings

Held fast on Angel’s wings

Someplace deep

Immortal swings


Part II

I really talk a lot

Sometimes enunciate

Just to pontificate?

But sometimes I just sit

I contemplate my place

Am I just wasting space?

So then I start writing

Some words that might connect

I mean no disrespect

And I want to be heard

Maybe there’s a message

Buried deep inside my head

There’s sure a burning fire

That makes me want to speak

That makes my words unique

Then words pour like water

But sometimes make no sense

I still mean no offense

But it happens too much

When people misconstrue

When phony becomes true

That’s magic of writing

That reality’s absurd

When that thin line is blurred

So I sit some more

And ponder yet again

In some moment’s Zen

Do differences matter?

Can we ever overcome?

Has too much been undone?

The questions still will flow

Do we ever slow to think?

From the fountain that we drink

Or are we just to slow

To understand to comprehend

But in a fit we condescend…

I think a lot

More like pontificate

Some twisted mental state


That makes me think I’m great – isn’t that swell?


Part III

Goddammit!

So much pain! There’s no gain!

Never!

And that drives me insane

Because I want it now

Goddammit!

So I reap what was sown

How Clever!

Without feeling, nothing known

Because I wanted it all

Goddammit!

Always right. Always fighting

Forever!

Never yielding strike like lightning

Because I knew it all

Goddammit!

I knew then what I forget

However -

The days go on with regret

Because it’s now lost

Goddammit!

Never more I’ll be again

Never!

What was not at all mundane

Because I made the turn

Goddammit!

Anger turning inward

Always!

Fighting to bury its self

Because it will not turn!

Goddammit!

How it will escape can scare

Always!

Like it’s always there – waiting

Because it needs to turn!

Goddammit!



Part IV

So I think that I get it - right to assume

That pleasures once known are now locked in a tomb

That the time that stood still holds benevolent fear

Nonetheless we will fight - hope to persevere

So I think it will get me – right to assume

That the pleasure is timeless - sweet as perfume?

But that time is the friend holding nothing but cheer

Nonetheless as the steward we must persevere

So do we know yet we are at our near end?

So close to the edge we’re afraid we’ll transcend?

Do we hear the voice dancing across the wind?

If we answer the call will the fear rescind?

We travel the road laid before us tonight

We travel with anger, with fear. Out of fright

We travel to realms in our deepest recessions.

With fear and ignorance we hide our obsessions.

Is matter conserved? Can we go on forever?

Do stars freeze in time through some godly endeavor?

Does now count for anything more than facade?

Or is now just the vessel to get us to god?

So I think that I get it – am I right to assume

That the pleasures will somehow unlock from the tomb?

As the ticking and tocking grow tell-tale loud

Is the life we have chosen been disavowed?

It’s forever the chance – the ultimate bet

The placement of spirit a sharp silhouette

To the empty rat race that we run day by day

Through canyons of buildings and street-cursed ballet

So I think that I get it – but so what if I can’t

Do I go to some deaf ear and pay just to rant?

Or is there a way to set myself free

From the pain and the torment of true agony?

So I thought that I got it – knowing that I won’t

But we see in each other some pieces “they” don’t

So we try desperately to set ourselves free

Knowing there is never a true guarantee

Part V

To begin the tale as told of old

In the year’s forgotten fold -

The gentle unweaving

Begins to take hold….

The viewers take their seats

The show’s about to start…

Nothing you do can impress me

I’ve been disappointed too much

To see any pleasant uniqueness

Or see any good that you touch

Nothing that happens surprises

Because deep inside I am numb

To those who walk with their hand out

So distanced, so cold I’ve become -

- To the viciousness that surrounds us

To the hatred we see every day

So cold so callous so costly

To this I say

How dare you! Gad Damn you!

Why?


Part VI

So we sit in some shop in some town that’s somewhere

And we think that we’re doing the right thing

When we buy local stuff, some handcrafted, some tough

But it’s just a big giant’s small wing

So what good does it do if it doesn’t help you

The little man with the big bills

If we hold out our hand – oh isn’t that grand?

The “they” will just run us through mills

So now I will ask just what good does it do

If there’s no one else willing to do it?

The fat will get fatter their coin will be master

And we’ll be left sitting in shit

So I think does it matter or not if I do

Certain things that will help out a person or two

Does a coin in a can as I exit a store

Make a difference to anyone anymore?

Are we all rank and file just like Gomer Pyle

Or is there a chance to be free?

Can we climb up the rung without getting hung?

Or are we our own bourgeoisie?


One Part as an Interlude

So here I am sitting underneath the deceased

In some gaudy showroom of death

Still trying to learn that the family’s decreased

Struggling with every breath

To figure out whether cherry or oak

Would look best on some random shelf.

I look at the urns like they’re some bad joke

Thinking it’s nothing in and of itself


But soon it could hold maybe what’s left of me.

And this gives great chills as I’m told the price

Thinking this can’t be that much for what I see.

I guess it will have to suffice.

But really, how eternal can it be

To be swept in some box that’s a mantle decoration?

Throw in some flowers for potpourri

Would it lead to misinterpretation?


Perhaps. Perhaps not, but in any situation

It is the journey, not the end that defined

Who we are, but with some trepidation

We pray that our god’s not maligned.

Through most days we stroll quite unaware

Through a world of needs and desires

A world of love and hate and hope and despair

Infringes, but there’s so little we require


To compete with no one but our demon

And fight this eternal battle within -

No glory, only a chance for freedom

But is this something we can truly win?

It’s difficult to feel hope for life

When there’s so much anger, so much hate

So much greed, so much strife

And it’s only too easy to blame fate


Because sometimes it’s all we know

Sometimes the only way out

Where there’s hope, there can be fire

Here’s to hoping, we pledge and shout

Nastrovia! Laakehium! Good Cheer!

It all burns going down, but we man up our post

Not wanting to seem weak or insincere

But always the willing and grateful host


Part IIX

Beginning anew

Rethinking the old

Dance with the devil

Who now has my gold

Knowing I can’t trust her

Feel so alive

Knowing I must leave her

For me to survive

But the dance is so teasing

The rhythm sublime

So deep in love with her

It’s almost a crime

She knows me so well

To her my heart I pledge

She knows what I want

Keeps me right on the edge

When I try to move on

Something’s hooking me back

But I don’t want to leave

So seductive is black

‘Can I have the next dance?’

She asks cutely with smile

Her eyes so enchanting

Her intent to beguile

But I really don’t care –

Not right now - not tonight

Because everything

Feels so right!

Oh – I hope that it lasts

I want to stay here

In the moment when everything

Feels so clear

Like I know what to do

And I know what to say

And I know how to make

The most of this day

Because love’s so seductive

And lust overpowers. After all,

We can only take so much

Before we fall.

But oh, what a fun fall it can be

It’s the bottom that stings…

With the heartache it brings

When we realize we’re truly alone…


Part IX

In dark times we look to our gods

In good times we say it’s our skill

Sometimes we seek out a victim

For urges we need to fulfill

But that’s just the game that we play

When we’ve nothing invested to lose

Except maybe some self respect (just a bit)

But that’s easy enough to excuse

Because we’re just human, after all

And we tell ourselves without hesitation

We’ve learned to resist all that’s harmful

Except for that goddam temptation

And it feels so good for a bit to be bad.

If only we could hold forever

Without summoning Dorian Gray

Being who we can be almost never.


Sometimes the way out isn’t

Reversing the way we came in

Sometimes the way out is

Coming to terms with

Where we’ve been

Sometime there is now easy way out

Sometimes there can only be pain

Sometimes it humbles the strongest souls

Sometimes the fight’s to retain

Any gain


Part X

If there was a way to measure spirit

If we could sense our karmic score

Would we feel like we’ve done enough?

Would there be room for more?

Perhaps the knowledge would frighten us

Perhaps we’d dive in deep

Perhaps we’d realize fortune

Perhaps it’d make us weep

The news fills us with bullshit

Spilling blood and guts and ill will

Across airwaves filled with idiocy

To choke us on their pill

And we suck it up with zeal

And we pass it on to friends

And we pontificate falsehoods

As though we transcend

Like we’re better than most –

Comprehend with the best

And speak timeless wisdom

So all are impressed

But the fact is we’re normal

But believe we’re supreme

But we’re tied up in knots

And we just want to scream

Just want to get out

Just want to break free

Of the fear that imprisons

Our new bourgeoisie


Part XI

The youth of today is a lot like we were –

Bold, daring, and stupid.

But growing louder with numbers

With bravado to spare

They will act like they haven’t a care

Do they?

Perhaps it’s a question

Best answered observed

Will they open their hearts

Beyond what is now

Will they give of themselves anyway, anyhow?

Will they?

And the rules were made to be challenged

And changed and tested with zeal

Charging into the fray with all the answers.

But it passes with time

Oh so patient and sublime

Doesn’t it?

After all we will grow

Carving our place of comfort

And familiarity in which we exist.

Sometimes we grow beyond the cage

Sometimes we fight with tremendous rage.

But it doesn’t matter… Does it?


Part XII

So what if I talk?

Always rolling the dice

Who cares if my dance

Is a slip on the ice?

So what if I talk?

So what if I go?

Is it better than stuck?

How do I know?

Is the groove just a rut?

Is the dance just stupid?

Am I stuck in that rut?

How can I know lucid?

So I ask does it matter

If I disappear

Into some great night

Or give into my fear?

Because life is defined

By those things kept close by

If they vanish tonight

Do I search for the why?

Do I care if it matters

That I bother a lot

Of the people near to me?

GODDAMMIT! Why not?

Why can’t I shut up?

Why can’t I just listen?

Why can’t I just go on –

And let my life glisten –

With pride and with love

And with joy and accord

And with everything dear

Why not that the lord –

That it’s so much more now

Than I’d ever deserved.

So goddam unaware!

So much goddam nerve!

How dare I ask for more?


Part XIII

We are not chosen!

No one among us is the chosen one.

How dare we think we are?

How stupid to follow the self-proclaimed one?

Are we that immersed in ourselves?

Are we too fixated on our movements

So that we are blind to all else that moves?

With so much on which we must focus

Just to make it through any given day

How can we so stupidly move

Through a time that will never improve

Teeming with so much dismay

Seemingly on display

For all the world to mock


We are somewhere

In the middle

Caught in OUR middle

- Our GREAT middle -

Of OUR chronicles –

- Not so great – but

In our great mystery

We call our lives

Wondering…. Always wonder….

Why we matter

If we do at all

And why or why not?

There are no answers

There are no clues

There is no greatness

That we imbue

Because we chose a path

Of weakness – of nothingness

From nothing, nothing comes to be…

So how do we

Become, transform

Break the norm?

How or how not?

And if not,

Why not accept

That we are trapped

Between nothing and nothing

Coming to being?

But we’ve mused

Confused –

Accepting out fate

But in silent disagreement

We fought ourselves hard

Giving up – no regard

For those around us we affect

Do we notice? Do we care?

Do we think we are alone?
Could we be that unaware?

Or is it self-absorbed

In our little isolation?

So stuck

So sticky

So messed up

But nothing tricky about it…

All I bring to the table

Is all I have to share

But without repair

Is it any good to anyone else

And how will I ever know?

So weird to feel

So smeared by nothing

But so angry for no reason

Ebbs and flows with the season

And it never seems to stop

Like it knows if it lets up

I will find peace.

Like then somehow it loses

Rather than abuses…

It is as patient as death

But so seductive and sweet

Like candy – like candy

Everybody wants but so few

Will ever know its sweetness.

That’s the tease so many chase


Part XIV

So it goes

Because it began

With a word or two

A thought or two

A reason to do

Something a little bit

Bigger than

The sum of its parts

Which is why it starts

So simply…

Like the anticipation

Before we set sail

On our fantastic voyage

To discover anew

Ourselves.

We find strength

In our spirit and grow

As we travel our road

And try to live

So simply…

So easy to say

We’ll live for today

On life’s terms not ours

Because we’ve failed

That test. So the rest –

Up to us to determine

The worth of our journey

Defined by some rules

Existential at best as we try

To just simply live…

On the merry-go-round

With the joy of the young

Dropped it! Got it!

The game has begun.

And it’s so fun to play

But just for so long

Spinning round and around

Hanging on as strong

As we can - trying to live

Simplistically…


Part XV

So what if I’m Jack’s flaming sense of revenge?

It’s not like it’s going to evolve

From thoughts to words to actions to regret

Because there is nothing to resolve

But a part of me wants to return

To turn my face to the wind

And fight. But fight what?

Christ! The energy expended

On NOTHING! And everything

For no reason at all -

Other than because!

While that used to be reason enough

To get all in a huff, today it seems obtuse

To think we were shaking foundations.

Without hesitation, we had our excuse

How should have known the sweet dreams

And flying machines

Would come crashing down?


Part 15 and a half

Beloved –

Let me lose myself in you

Just a little while more –

Forever is too short a time

Don’t you think?

Beloved –

Let me think about then tomorrow

Let me worry about then when it’s here.

Forever is never to let go

But if it could…

My beloved –

We have our time

We have our love

We have ourselves

We have our lives –

- So entwined yet

- So freeing and oh

- So enchanting

- So beloved

Beloved –

Tomorrow will not matter tonight

Unless we let her mistress

Steal away our time –

But let’s not. Let’s not, my Beloved…

The sun and stars were meant

To be kept separated

By twilight’s sweetness –

Kissing water colored cherry skies

With sharp shadows –

Slowly dissolving in to obscurity

Slowly freeing us from the sun…

Slowly allowing us to run –

So carefree and wild –

Bewildered as a child.

Beloved –

Let the music play softly

Slowly, gently swaying our soul

Making sweet rhythms of life

Dance delicately, making us whole.

Beloved…

Let the night shine brightly on us, Beloved.

Let us embrace the magical darkness, Beloved.

Let us dance in a moonlit glen, Beloved.

Let the forest’s song keep our time, Beloved.

Beloved…

We will slumber melodiously, Beloved.

We are ourselves when together and free, Beloved.

We have hearts beating as one, Beloved

We’ve all our moments we’ve won, Beloved.

My Beloved…


Part XVI

Your softness slides off my fingers

Sending tingles down my spine.

Slowly, gently, sweetly intoxicating

Losing myself in you

So mad about you

So stunned by the easiness

Of the moment – of the lifetime

Of moments – of now

Forever now – for always

So sweet like candy

Teasing my lips

So soft and graceful

Kissing your hips

Holding my breath

Just taking little sips

Of air – here and there

Never wanting to stop

Always wanting so much

Just a little bit more

Just to taste your sweet touch

So in love with that feeling

When my lips meet your waist

When I roam your soft curves

With us interlaced.

My desire is unbound

My control leaving check

But slow is so sexy

So tantalizing, so deliberate, so…

Eyes as deep as midnight

Closing – anticipating

So telling, so relaxing, so…

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Dancing poetically

We make our dream awake

Daring us this chance

To take us – draw us in

To our rhythm – we ache

For now – for now and forever

No trepidation whatsoever

No fear for what will come to be.

Ask me tomorrow

What tonight means…


Par XVII

Did last night matter?

We can’t erase the memory,

And why would we want to?

When something freezes time

It would be terrible to do.

Did yesterday count?

We take it on face value

That the feelings found can last

That all we know and feel now

Can erase the past.

Ask me yet again if was just some game

Ask me if I will ever feel the same

As I did before, and I say never

I am changed forever!

Does tomorrow try to steal away

The beauty we feel today?

Is there so much envy between these friends

That will make them fight until their ends?

Is tomorrow in a fight?

How can we go back

When we know so much more

Then we could have ever

Hoped to know before?

We will always have tomorrow

Forever more and more

But let’s not lose tonight

Ever again, nevermore.

When we lose time with each other,

It’s irrevocably lost

Making long seem longer

Making painful the cost.

Tonight always matters…


Part IIXX

The morning sneaks into the room

With its gradual brightening…

But in the morning light

It’s now abundantly clear why

I’m so totally in love with you

As the night took shape

As we grew closer and closer

I wanted to spend it with you

Because I just knew you would

Look intoxicating in the morning.

I was oh so right.

And with anticipation never before felt,

We slowly opened our eyes,

Broke the spoon to face each other

And once again lost ourselves in each other.

Damn the day for stealing the night!

The thief of thieves still fights her fight

And leaves behind a starkness so bright.

I needn’t see every blight


Part IXX

Does it matter that Time has transformed me?

Does it matter that change beat me down?

Does it matter that I don’t make a difference?

Does it matter that my mind can’t stop?

Too many questions

Too few answers

Too little time for it all

Too much to take it all on

So here we cross the road

So many miles to go

So much yet left to do

So few reasons to keep going

Beyond the sunrise there is still hope

Beyond the sunset lies mystery

Beyond the now lies our essence

Beyond the words hide the truth

I don’t know where the road will take me

I don’t know where the truth will lie

I don’t know what tomorrow will give me

I don’t know how to say good-bye

Change blown in tomorrows wind

Change shakes the foundation

Change creates a lot of pain, but

Change makes great creation

Hope for resolution clear

Hope fills up the soul

Hope makes for ordinary heroes

Hope fills resolute goals

In life we struggle to understand, but

In death we begin transformation

To hope beyond hope once again

We’re called home to be God’s children


Part XX

So many feelings I must fight

As so much runs my mind tonight

So much pain and broken trust

Our ashen scars becoming dust

Beyond this now I fight to grasp

A misplaced future, a sorted past

An empty prayer, a lost Amen

This life that turns ashen again

Death carried soft on velvet wing

Through winter’s dark, past flowered spring

Beyond the midnight’s mystic thrust

To carve a life doing what we must

Beyond desire lies a truth

Found after breaking shackled youth

Found deep in psyche so unknown

In windy corners, ashes blown

I grow through silent love today

Where once was pain and desperate play

Where empty dreams made promise die

New love grows to spite, defy

Beneath a cleansing rain I fought

To free my soul from evil thought

To walk some path a bit less known

To reap beauty long since sown

Above the light shines splendor truth

Ours souls filled with spirits youth

I quiet mind’s ghost that would destroy

A life of love filled rich with joy.

Beyond the dream in nighttime deep

Through slumber’s sweetness love will keep

This joy of being deep with virtue

Fills life fills love fills me fills you

Part XXI

Time after time I wonder why

I’m always the one to make you cry

Where did our life start to go awry…

Sourness fills the stale air

The champagne’s flat. What do we care?

No longer can we feel so unaware

Because we know it’s over

Because we know it’s gone

Because we know we’ll never be

What we once were

How will the sun be warm again?

We’ve taken from us all that we can

Leaving behind an empty open span…

Never again to feel the flame

Feeling the cruel sting of blame

Learning to hate our stupid little game…

Because we know it’s over

Because we know it’s gone

Because we know we’ll never be

What we were then

So different than when we laughed to tears

So many fun and youthful years

Behind us lie the best – so it appears


Ahead –

- New inspiring frontiers


December really does care what April flowers…

- Fin.


© Copyright 2017 Billy Clarke. All rights reserved.